I Am A Defender!

One of the areas in my life that still needs some definite work is my defensiveness against people who have hurt someone I love. I'm afraid I am a bit aggressive when it comes to defending those who are most important in my life.

Sometimes in defending my "loves" I end up coming on so strong that I offend or hurt the person who I feel has committed the offense against "mine"! That really is not my intention. I start out just wanting them to understand the hurt they have caused because I feel like if you can talk about problems . . . they can be resolved!

Not always so! It seems there are people who believe they have no fault in hurting others - no matter what the situation. I guess they just think it's the injured person's responsibility to "get over it" - which is not always easy!

I am (slowly) learning that just because I want to defend my family and friends - it's not always practical. Depending on the person who has caused the hurt and that person's continued "hurtful" behavior - there may be no resolution! In that case, I resolve, from this day, to stop defending . . . at least to those same people.

That doesn't mean I won't still be saddened by the hurt inflicted or by the affect it has on those I love, but I will choose not to share those feelings with those people who have decided it doesn't matter to them. My actions to defend those I love having no impact, but angering or hurting the offender - does nothing to help anyone! Big news, right?!

I've never understood why people choose to ignore issues that can cause deep problems in their relationships. I guess it's because of the way my parents taught me to talk things out before they could become an issue. I'm glad they taught me those things because I know it makes a huge difference! I've just had to learn that it doesn't always make a difference to others.

I don't want to hurt others. I try to see them through God's eyes, even though I've not perfected this in my life! I am still a work in progress and hope that I continue to learn for the rest of my life.

Because of trauma that I've lived through in the past I sometimes believe that others will be as hurt as I once was by actions and words against them and that's just not the way I need to look at every situation. Each person deals with hurt in their own way and that's what I have begun to understand more fully.

Thank you, God, for forgiveness and mercy.

Thank you, Father, that my heart has been opened

and accepting of Your truths.

I pray that I will be open to allowing the Holy Spirit to speak

through me in all areas of my life and

to think about every word before it is spoken!

In His Love and Blessings
annb

From Grandma to Teacher!!

Today Elizabeth started back to school and I became sole caregiver to our little daycare kids. I absolutely love the kids and have been around them for a long time. They know me, but not as primary caregiver. I have always been "grandma" to them.

Today one of the boys (we have two boys and four girls in daycare), decided he was going to "try" me and find out if I would still be "grandma" or if I would be like his preschool teacher, Miss Liz. Normally, the kids would look to me if they were in trouble or if they got a boo-boo and needed a kiss. They would also come to me for snuggles and hugs which, by the way is one of my favorite times, too!

I'm still there for snuggles and hugs and to kiss the boo-boos, but now I also have to be "teacher". The other kids seemed to be fine with it, but not my one little guy, Z. He decided no matter what I said, no matter what he knew he was supposed to do . . . or was told to do, he would not comply! I'm afraid to say he spent some serious "thinking time" in the time-out chair. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better.

The kids are all great - really great! Even my little guy who wanted to test me today! I couldn't ask for a better group of kids to care for and the parents are great, too!

Z's antics today reminded me of how I, at times, test God. Those times that I choose to knowingly make choices that are not always in alignment with His teachings. I'm so thankful that God is merciful and He is full of grace . . . for me, even though I certainly don't deserve it.

As I have "matured", I make better choices (most of the time) and truly want to be the best me that I can be for the Lord. I'm human and I'm not always strong - but I also know that He is my strength - if I allow Him to be!

Every choice I make, every choice I ever made, brings consequences. Poor choices usually result in poor consequences . . . as I well know from my own experience. I am now very focused on making choices that will bring about the best consequences - even if that means leaving behind those people, places and things that cause me distress or weakness.

I believe that God places people in our lives as we need them. The people that come into our lives provide "something" that we need at that particular time but may not be people that will remain with us for our entire life! I truly believe that some people fill a need and once that need has been fulfilled may no longer have a necessary purpose in our lives.

This past year I've learned so much and know that people that bring me down, cause me to doubt myself or who reject or hurt me are not people I should keep around me. I can best serve the Lord when I am strong, convicted and content in my surroundings.

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me"
Psalm 138:8

Father, I pray that You will lead me, in all ways, through this life. Please help me to recognize who and what I should surround myself with so that my heart is open to You! Please help me to be everything that You, Lord, want me to be! I trust You with my life and put my faith and my hope in You!

In His Love and Blessings
annb

25 Random Things About Me!

25 Random Things About Me

You’ve probably seen this floating around and I have now been tagged by two friends to do my own list. 25 things sure seems like a lot to share about myself – especially since I don’t share a lot about me, but here goes!

1. I love the Lord and put my faith and trust in Him – not in this world!

2. I am number four of six children. I have two sisters and three brothers.

3. I was married to my husband, Jody, on Valentine’s Day, 1989.

4. This is not my first marriage – I was previously married to a drug dealer and an alcoholic and spent most of that time bruised and battered from domestic abuse.

5. I was stalked by my first husband after I left him and had to file a VPO (which, unfortunately, did not keep him away!)

6. I have two (biological) children – Elizabeth, 28 (from my first marriage) and Chance, 19.

From Left: Me, Candace, Chance, Elizabeth, Toni

7. I have a very close relationship with my daughter, Elizabeth. I believe she saved my life by giving me the strength to leave my husband after he hit me when I was four months pregnant. She also says that I saved her life that day, as well!

8. I have a great relationship with my son, too. He is very independent and we clashed a lot during his 18th year – due to that independence. He wears a (tall) Mohawk, has “snake bites” (two lower lip rings) and recently got a tattoo. Once I was able to “let go” of mothering him and just love him, things are awesome!

9. I have a close relationship with my granddaughter, Addyson, 7 years old (Elizabeth’s daughter). Elizabeth has always made her available to me which has provided great quality time for us!



10. I have two stepdaughters – Toni, 29 and Candace, 26.

11. I have four grandchildren from them – Blake, age 9 (Toni’s) and Levi, age 6, Joey, age 5 and Abigail, who will turn 1 on Feb 11 (Candace’s three). I don’t see them as much as I would like to, but love them all!



12. I love my stepdaughters and have been blessed to have them in my life. Our relationships, unfortunately, changed after I left Jody and we were separated for 8 months this past year. I pray that we can come together again as a family!

13. Jody and I decided that neither of us was ready to give up our marriage and came back together, are in counseling with our Family Pastor at church and are both dedicated to making our marriage stronger and better than ever under God’s direction!

14. Both of my parents are deceased – my Dad passed away in 1994 and my Mom passed away in Feb, 2007 in my home.



15. I quit my job in 2006 to become 24 hour caregiver to my Mom after moving her in with us. She suffered from sudden onset dementia and most days did not even know who I was, but it was the most rewarding experience of my life!

16. I was an x-ray technician in the Oklahoma Air National Guard – in my younger years! I went through basic training and tech school and actually made it through all of it!

17. I graduated from high school in a class of 22 students in 1976.
My 20 year High School Reunion (I am front row, third from left)

18. Between the ages of 12 and 18, I had at least one surgery per year – eight to remove tumors and two other surgeries to remove other “stuff”.

19. I jumped on the Phen-Fen craze in 1995 and, as a result, damaged my heart and developed asthma. I will be on medication for the rest of my life.

20. I also battle depression – but am winning that battle thanks to God’s healing power and a great psychiatrist and counselor who are both Christians!

21. I do not eat sugar – not in the last 5 ½ years.

22. I will be taking over Elizabeth’s daycare as of next Tuesday. I became a licensed daycare provider two weeks ago. Elizabeth is returning to Duncan Brothers Barber College to finish her hours and get her license.

23. Jody and I are living with Elizabeth and her husband, Michael in their converted garage and will be here until Elizabeth finishes school. We have rented out our house in Choctaw to Candace and her family.

24. I am a country girl at heart and, once Elizabeth finishes school, Jody and I will be looking for a great country place to make our home! We want lots of room to garden, keep neighbors at a distance and just enjoy the quiet life!

25. I am a homebody, not very adventurous, not well traveled – just an ordinary person living an ordinary life (now!). I don’t live to please other people – am my own person living in a way that, I pray, is glorifying to God! I am still learning each and every day and am thankful to have learned so much about myself over the past year!

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Kevin . . . at WalMart?

Today started off just like any normal day! I got up around 4:30 am, watched the news, had my coffee and started my day . . . just like every other day!

This afternoon I had to make a run to WalMart and decided that rather than going to one of the two stores we have here in Norman, I would take a little drive and go to the WalMart in Moore – Norman’s next door neighbor. I haven’t done this at all since living here – always go to the store here in Norman.

When I got to the store I was doing my shopping and noticed that people were lined up all the way down the middle of the store! You’ll never guess why they were lined up! Okay, I’ll tell you. Kevin Costner was in the middle of the store . . . signing autographs and taking pictures!

Now, this had to be the time that I left my phone at home – so I couldn’t even take a picture! I couldn’t believe it! I stood not six feet away from him! It was pretty exciting (I don’t get out of the house much!), but really – it was Kevin Costner!

Sunday evening we had watched the movie Swing Vote (which was pretty good, by the way). It really made my day to see him in person today! I was really close again, as he left – through the back door – surrounded by several police officers, WalMart personnel and quite a few others that I guessed were his crew.

Anyway, that was my excitement for the day. When I first got home and told Elizabeth and Michael, they didn’t believe me – who can blame them? Kevin Costner in Moore, Oklahoma?!

Yeah, he was here and I saw him!

You can read about it here at NewsOK.com

Kevin Costner will perform in Oklahoma City's Bricktown in February
By Gene Triplett - Entertainment Editor
Published: December 11, 2008Buzz up!

The star of "Field of Dreams," "The Upside of Anger" and Oscar-winning director of "Dances with Wolves" is bringing his country music side project to Bricktown's Wormy Dog Saloon at 8:30 p.m. Feb. 3.

In His Love and Blessings
annb