Each day brings Mother's passing closer. She is showing signs that the end of her life on this earth is near. She is becoming less responsive, even though at this time she seems to still know when we are near. She seems to be comfortable - without pain, still receiving regular medication to prevent any pain.
We have had many visitors since the weekend and she has been aware of each person who has come to see her. She seems to have had more clarity during this past week than she has in many months! I believe it to be a gift from God - to give her time to hear the loving good-byes she is receiving!
We continue to talk to her and let her know how much she is loved and how much she will be missed! We also tell her that when she becomes too tired to fight any more, it's okay. We know how very tired she is and that a wonderful life awaits her! We will continue our watch and our reassurances to her until she leaves us! What a great blessing that we are able to have her here with us, close enough to touch whenever we want to let her know we are with her!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Praise Be To God
Happy Birthday, Elizabeth!
Today is Elizabeth's birthday - 26 years old today! Elizabeth is my first-born child and we share a special relationship. She is not only my daughter, but one of my best friends. She saved my life by giving me the courage, when I discovered I was pregnant, to leave a marriage in which I had suffered four years of abuse. I was a single parent for eight years and she and I are very close - I'm sure partly as a result of the experiences that only she and I shared.
To tell you how great she is - she and her husband, Michael, rearranged things this week so that they could stay the entire week with us. Elizabeth has been an amazing help to me in caring for my Mom and in helping me prepare for my Mother's passing!
I thank God daily for my children and I thank Him for the wonderful, loving, Christian woman that Elizabeth has become! My life would be very different without her and I'm glad I will never know what that life would have been!
Thank you, Elizabeth, for all that you are and for all that you do for me. I love you.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
A Time For Everything
1) There is a time for everything,
Sunday, January 21, 2007
How Will I Affect My Tomorrows?
I went over to see if there was something I could do to help and we laid her down on the floor. I took off her jacket because she was sweating and her face felt clammy. Her husband was there with her, but he was not able to help out due to some handicap of his own – he was walking with a cane.
Her husband explained that she had donated blood about 45 minutes prior to coming to the store, which is why she had passed out. The cashier called security for a wheelchair and the lady then just sat on the floor waiting for the chair.
All the time we were attending to her, the lady just kept saying she was “sorry” and that she was humiliated that this had happened to her. She said she felt like she was being such a problem and just kept apologizing!
It really made me think, because I’ve been in a position before in which I needed help from others for some reason or another and felt that I couldn't ask.
The real problem, though, is the fact that I could not ask for help when I most needed it! I stopped attending church and separated myself from almost everyone! I continued to work, when I felt well enough, but other than that I rarely left my house.
I’m not sure why it’s so difficult for some of us to admit that we need help, that we can’t do everything on our own. Are we afraid that others will think we are weak? Our heavenly Father knew that we could not get through this life alone and we are instructed to carry each other’s burdens.
”Carry each other's burdens,
There’s no shame in needing help. There’s no shame in realizing that you can’t carry the burden of the world on your own shoulders!
I do call upon my Savior for help, but rarely will I ask anyone else for help. I’m at a point now with my Mom, that I may need more help than I have in the past. One of my sisters, Jeannie, is good about coming out to sit with Mom for a little while when I need to run errands, but sometimes I feel like I’m imposing when I ask her. It’s hard to deal with the fear of rejection when asking for help.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28,29
“Praise be to the Lord,
Last night was tough! She was just not feeling well at all and cried quite a bit. I sat with her for a while, prayed with her and then Elizabeth, Addy and I sang some hymns for her. She wanted to talk to me about her funeral arrangements, making sure I knew what she wants and that everything is ready!
She asked me to have everyone come in to her room including her Daddy and Mother and her brothers so that she could tell them “bye”. She told me they were all down at the barn and wanted me to get them to come up to the house. Of course, at that point I had to tell her that they have all passed away and are no longer with us.
She also wanted my Dad and I had to tell her that he, too, has passed away. She cried for about two hours before she was able to calm down and go to sleep for the night. She then slept through the night without waking.
She slept until about 10:30 this morning. I let her rest as much as she wants and wake her up only long enough to give her medication, and she goes right back to sleep each time. I’m not sure she is really awake when she takes the meds. She didn’t want to get up today either, so I gave her a sponge bath and got her back to bed.
Caring for her has become more difficult since she is not able to support herself. She just can’t seem to get her feet to do what she wants them to do anymore. Even when I instruct her on how to move her feet, she’s just not able to do it. Sometimes it upsets her – when she realizes that she has forgotten how to do certain things.
Sometimes I wonder how I will know when the time nears. Will I know in time to call my brothers and sisters so that they can spend some time with her? Will it just be sudden and I won’t have time to let them know? I don’t know! All I know is, I will be here with her and I thank God that I am!
Friday, January 19, 2007
My Mother, My Child?!
Today I’m finding it hard to put my thoughts into words. As mother continues to get more and more confused, I find myself getting frustrated – not with her, but with the situation. She’s not able to walk very far now – only from the bed to the bathroom, which is only a few feet. In order to move her to her chair in the living room, I have to get her into the wheelchair.
After the other night, when I had to sit her down on the floor, I have been using the walker – having her stand and hold onto it while I put the wheelchair behind her. This has worked well for us except when I try to get her to sit in her chair. She’s not able to follow my instructions on how to move her feet which is increasing her fall risk, I’m afraid.
It’s almost like she is a child – except a child is easier to move if they are not yet able to move themselves. The frustration comes from not understanding how she could have lost even the ability to move her feet as instructed! We’ve not had any more close calls as far as her falling, but I do question how I am going to be able to care for her when she no longer can support herself at all.
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” I John 5:14,15
My faith in God is strong! I know that he will provide the strength I need to care for her, but I get caught up in the moment and that fear just seems to take hold of me and I doubt myself! I, for some reason, have trouble giving it completely to God and trusting in his power to guide me.
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24
I know that her being here in our home is the best thing for her – and for me. The six months during last year when she was in the nursing home were horrible! She was so unhappy and they did not work with her on her diet or her medications to try to get her to a manageable existence.
She was a fall risk at the nursing home just as she is here. She did fall a couple of times. The first time she fell, they then put an alarm on her bed that sounded when she got up from the bed. I thought with the alarm she would be so much better and they would be more aware of her movements, but that didn’t happen. Each time one of us went to sit with her in the evening after work, the monitor was never activated! One of us girls was there every day to sit with her as soon as we got off work. We thought, by taking such an active role, the staff would be more apt to provide the best care possible. That didn’t happen either! When we would arrive, her bed was usually wet and she was in such a bad state – crying and left to herself.
The second time she fell (at least the 2nd time we knew of) she hurt herself pretty bad. She bruised her face so bad. This is a picture I took the next day but her face continued to bruise until the whole side of her face was bruised and swollen!
I’m sure the nursing home she was in was pretty much like every other home. They were understaffed, underpaid and the residents are not their family! The type care we wanted for Mother could only come from people who loved her and wanted the best for her. That’s when we made the decision for me to stay home and bring her back to live with us.
It’s been a strain, financially, but I’m so thankful we were able to do it. Jody is so great – never complaining about her living here. He’s very good to her. She does require a lot of my time and some nights I go to bed totally drained and he still doesn’t complain! I know that without his support, I would never be able to care for her at home.
Chance has been home all week – no school due to hazardous road conditions. To tell you how bad it’s been, he’s actually been looking forward to going back to school! He has never liked school – even from the time he was in preschool! When he says he wants to go to school – you know it’s been bad!
I’ve had Ethan every day this week – Sheila has braved the conditions and gone to work every day. I worried about her because she’s seven month’s pregnant! I worried about her falling and getting hurt, but thankfully that didn’t happen.
Wednesday proved to be a bad day for her though. Coming home from work, she slid off into a ditch – missing a telephone pole by only a couple of feet! Then, when she got to our driveway – which is a hill coming off the road – she made it up part way but then slid back down almost into the road again! She wasn’t able to move it at all for fear she would slide off into the ditch across the road. Thankfully, Randy and Kathy heard her spinning her tires and they were able to get her out by putting kitty litter down and then Randy drove the car up the hill. Isn’t family great!
I have not left this house in two weeks! I’m beginning to get a little cabin fever, but I get out today! Candace is coming to sit with Mom this afternoon so I can take Chance to the eye doctor. I’ll run by the store then to pick up a few things. That’s usually what I do when I have an opportunity to leave the house – run errands! It helps just to get out for a little bit.
China’s been cooped up in the house, too. She doesn’t like the ice and snow at all! I have to actually pick her up and set her outside the door so that she will go do her business! She stands at the door for a little bit, looking pitiful and lifting each foot up off the ice. Finally, I guess she figures out she’s not getting back in until she goes out to the yard, so she quickly runs out, does her business and runs back. She starts scratching at the door (she has been declawed, so she isn’t really scratching, but rather pounding) desperately trying to get our attention. She runs in as soon as the door opens and runs around the house – trying to get warm again!
They’re predicting snow again this weekend, so we may be spending a lot more time indoors! I never liked driving in ice and snow, so that’s one of the many perks of being able to stay at home!
Well, Mother just rang her bell for me and when I went in there, was I surprised! She has a mattress, provided by Hospice, which circulates air constantly to prevent pressure sores. When I walked in, the mattress had deflated and she was lying in the middle of it looking like she was in a half-cocoon! I checked the plug and for some reason (it’s a GFC, or whatever, that shuts off if there is anything wrong with the plug) and the plug had switched off. I tried unplugging and replugging everything, but it still wouldn’t work. I called Jody, expecting him to know exactly what was wrong even though he is miles away from home! Anyway, I ended up moving the plug to another outlet and it is working fine again! She woke up much earlier than usual today and the deflating of her mattress is probably the reason why! She didn’t look very comfortable when I went in to the room in answer to her bell!
She got up in a bit of a foul mood, though. She looked around the room and I have a picture of her and my Dad hanging on the wall where she can see it from her bed, and she proceeded to tell me she does not want that picture left here and I needed to take it off the wall! Then when she went to the bathroom, she saw the basket where I keep her toiletries and informed me that she was also not going to leave the basket here either. I tried to explain that her things are here because this is where she lives now, but quickly gave up on that!
When I got her wheelchair out to take her into the living room, she was also very possessive of that. She said she did not want it left here, because people come in, take it from her room and play in it. She said they were going to break it by playing with it and she wants it taken back home!
It looks like this is going to be a great day! I hope she is okay for Candace this afternoon!
This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Thursday Thirteen #9
When I look at my previous Thursday Thirteen lists, I have included each member of my family, Jody and each of our children, but realize I have not made a list for my sons-in-law! Michael, Elizabeth’s husband, is the only one of my sons-in-law who regularly read my blog, so I definitely didn’t want to leave him out! He’s a good man and we love him dearly. Each of our sons-in-law has special qualities and we love each one of them in their own way.
1…. Michael is my son-in-law – married to my daughter, Elizabeth.
2…. He is a Godly man – living it each day.
3…. He adores my daughter and loves Addyson and treats them both very well!
4…. He has great parents – they love my daughter and my granddaughter (Elizabeth’s daughter from previous marriage) and took them in as family from the beginning.
5…. He has a great sense of humor – he and Elizabeth are so much alike in that way – quick-witted and hilariously funny!
6…. He is a hard worker – when Elizabeth met him, he was well established in his career, owned his own home (unfortunately, for me, it’s in Norman) and he is a great money-manager!
7…. He helps Elizabeth out around the house – he is all in favor of Elizabeth being a stay-at-home Mom and helped her to establish a home daycare, printing and distributing flyers and putting the information on the web.
8…. He feels like an additional child! He calls me up out of the blue – just to talk. If he knows I’ve had a hard day with my Mom, he calls just to let me know he’s thinking about us. He is very comfortable in our home and we are very comfortable with him here as well.
9…. He drinks diet Dr Pepper – just like me! I know when I go to their house to visit, they always have some on hand!
10… He enjoys getting out of the house, visiting friends/family and loves to play cards – he and Elizabeth share each of those passions!
11… He has become Chance’s sounding board – Chance is able to talk to him about things he doesn’t want to talk to Jody or me about – and I’m thankful that he is willing to be Chance’s confidante. I know that I don’t have to worry about any advice or instruction he gives to Chance, because I know that God is first in his life!
12… He’s very kind to my Mom! When he and Elizabeth were just dating and my Mom was still in the nursing home, he would go and visit my Mom and would even stay with Elizabeth for hours when she sat with my Mom.
13… He is an answer to my prayers. He came into Elizabeth’s life after a four-year separation from a very difficult marriage. He married her, along with Addyson, knowing that Elizabeth came with some “baggage”(trust issues and feelings of unworthiness caused by circumstances from her first marriage). He is truly a blessing!
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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Monday, January 15, 2007
Happy Birthday, Chance!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
A Self-fulfilled Prophecy?!
I think part of the problem is that she is so afraid of falling, that she stiffens up which makes it harder to move her from place to place. The second time I had to move her – to take her to the bathroom – we had no problem. I was able to move her from the chair to the wheelchair, take care of her in the bathroom and move her back to her chair.
When I got ready to put her to bed tonight, I lifted her from the chair and had the wheelchair right beside us. She got scared again and I wasn’t able to get her in the wheelchair. I actually had to sit her down on the floor – gently – and let Jody help me get her back up and into the wheelchair.
I’m so afraid that she’s going to fall and get hurt! It’s not only that my Mom is not a small woman, but I also have degenerative disc disease in my back, which certainly doesn’t help the situation! My prayer is that God will, not only, provide the strength necessary to move her from place to place, but also the knowledge to know how to do it properly to protect both her and myself from injury.
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you,
Now on a lighter note – Mother has been so funny today! My dog’s name is China. She is a black Pug. Mother has taken her over, telling people that China belongs to her. This morning, she was calling her Muffin instead of China. So Jody and I just went along with her calling the dog Muffin! Of course, China didn’t respond because she had no idea who we were talking to when we called for Muffin.
Mother was dressed today in a pink gown and pink bootie house shoes. The chair she sits in is a recliner and I always put her feet up to prevent them from swelling. This evening when I got Mother her supper, I put her lap tray over her and put a bowl of stew and a biscuit on her tray for supper. I went back to the kitchen to fix her a drink and when I came back to her, she was looking all around the chair, on the floor and just really straining as if she were looking for something specific. I asked her what she was looking for and she pointed to her feet – in the pink bootie house shoes – and said she was “trying to figure out whose knees those were.” I laughed so hard it hurt! When Jody came in, I was telling him, but got so tickled trying to say it that he couldn’t even understand what I was trying to say! Mother thought it was funny too! It’s fun when some of her “before” (as in before dementia) comes out. She was such a practical joker and when she laughed, she laughed all over!
She’s down for the night now – we made it without anything bad happening, so I’m thankful for that. I’m trying not to worry about being able to provide the care she needs. I have to give it to God and know that he is in control! I know that he will provide everything I need in order to care for her. I want her to be here for the remainder of her life and my belief is that she will be and I will be able to properly care for her the entire time.
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God:
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Impossible to Serve God without Faith
Today has been a long day for me – it’s a dark, gloomy, cloudy day with a covering of white “ice” all over the ground and Mom has been in bed most of the day, so I'm left to myself without any company. It’s not that I didn’t have things I to do around the house, but I chose not to – even though I’m not sure why I made that choice.
Some days, I get down thinking about Mother and her lack of any quality of life. It makes me really sad that she can’t remember so many things about her life and simply believes that she is not at home, does not have her family around her and believes she has no purpose.
This morning she woke up about 6:00 am and rang her bell for me. When I went in to her she asked if the preacher was here yet. After explaining to her that it is Saturday, she said she knew that – she was supposed to be married today. She then wanted to know if I had heard from the “groom” or any of the expected wedding guests. I told her how bad the weather was and that the roads were pretty bad for travel. She decided then, that we must postpone the wedding and I would need to notify each of the guests to let them know there would not be a wedding today. I assured her I would and told her to rest for a while.
She slept then until about 1:00 pm when she started calling for “Mom”. I went in to her and asked if she wanted to get up. She said she didn’t want to get up, yet – just wanted to see if anyone else was in the house. I tell her all the time that we never leave her alone, but she still thinks she’s alone a lot of the time. She doesn’t like to be left alone and gets anxious and tearful when she thinks she’s been left.
I finally went in about 4:30 and told her that she needed to get up for little while, at least. She did get up then and sat in the living room for a couple of hours. Jody had been in town and brought dinner home for us from Sonic. After she ate, Mother wanted to know how much I thought she owed “that woman” for her food. I told her she didn’t owe anything, that Jody and I bought it for her. Ten minutes later, she asked me the same thing again and I gave her the same answer.
She is getting weaker all the time. She leans to the left and has to be supported – more than usual – when she is up on her walker. Even though she leans to the left, her right side seems much weaker. She has trouble lifting her right foot to walk and forgets to grasp the walker handle with her right hand. I actually have to place her right hand on the grip and tell her to hold on to it. Her appetite has really decreased – she lost just over five pounds in the past two weeks. She’s not drinking much so she doesn’t have much output either.
I know it’s about time to get the wheelchair out and stop trying to keep her on the walker. I’m afraid once she stops using the walker, it will be much harder to care for her and that is why I keep delaying it as long as possible. When Connie was here on Wednesday, she said if I notice that she is so unsteady it might be better to plan for her to have a bed bath rather than trying to get her in the shower. I know it’s inevitable – she is going to be bedfast at some point in time and that time is coming up quickly.
One of my favorite scriptures to read when I feel down about anything and need a “faith-lift” is the 11th chapter of Hebrews. It serves as a reminder of what faith really means. I love to read about the faith of Abraham in trusting God when told to sacrifice Isaac; Abraham, too old to produce children and Sarah in her barren years, yet they became pregnant; Noah built the ark as a result of his faith in God; Rahab, who welcomed the spies and was saved from death and the faith of those who marched around the Walls of Jericho for seven days until the walls fell – there are so many instances of great faith.
I know that if each of these could have so much faith in God then my faith in Him can be great also – even though I don’t understand why Mother has to live in the condition she is in now. What a great reward awaits her when she leaves this earth!
I know that all things are in God’s time and not my own and I’m really glad that’s the way it works! I learn patience and endurance and my faith is strengthened each time I go through trials.
God is good and God is constant and He hears my prayers. I strive daily to please God in my actions and in my words. I am thankful for the great examples of faith throughout the Bible so that in seeing the faith of others, my faith is strengthened as well.
“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Thursday Thirteen #8
Mom and Dad - 1947
Mom and Dad - 1993
1… God First! When you put God first in your life everything else will fall into place. This doesn’t mean that you won’t have trials and disappointments, or that nothing bad will happen in your life – it means that you are able to lay all your burdens at the feet of our Lord and He will give you comfort and peace that comes only through Him.
2… Marriage is a “commitment”! When you marry you commit your life to another person, putting that person before all others - except before God. When you have problems in the marriage, you both work together to resolve the problems – not dissolving the marriage due to “irreconcilable differences”. I also learned through my own experience that a commitment to marriage has to be made by both partners. Marriage does not mean commitment to a lifetime of abuse by a partner who does not share a belief in the Lord.
(15) “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (16) How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” I Corinthians 7:15 & 16
3… Love for your spouse changes. My Mom and Dad were married for 47 years when my Dad passed away. My Mom taught me that the love she had for my Dad changed many times over those years. She told me that at one point during their marriage they had a very difficult time and she had to learn to love him all over again. I know that’s where commitment comes into the picture. I remember hearing on the radio once someone asked Paul Newman how he and his wife had remained married for such a long time and he answered, “Because we promised.”
4… Family is important! Growing up, I always knew that my family would be there for me no matter what! We rejoiced together during good times and we stood by each other during difficult times. I remember, as a child, we regularly went to our grandparents’ homes to help out with things my grandparents were no longer able to do by themselves. We usually went once a month to one or the other. When we would go to my Dad’s parents there would always be at least one other of my Dad’s brothers’ family there to help also. We had regular family reunions on both sides and grew up knowing everyone in the family. I know that even to this day if I needed help I could ask anyone on either my Dad’s side or my Mom’s side of the family and they would be there for me. What a great blessing!
5… “Instant” children are as great as birth children! Both of my older brothers married women who each had one child. My parents and our entire family took in the “instant” children as if we had always known them! They were a part of our family from the beginning. When I married Jody, who already had two daughters, there was never a question that the girls became a part of our family immediately. I love my stepdaughters as if they were my own and I know the rest of my family feels the same way as well.
6… Children should be raised together by parents! Parents should be unified in their beliefs on child rearing. Children need boundaries and when parents are able to work together teaching their children and loving their children - responsible, productive adults will surely be the result!
7… Discipline of children hurts parents, too. I remember as a child when my Dad would spank us, he would say “This hurts me more than it hurts you”. When I became a parent, I understood the meaning of those words. I’m not sure they were totally accurate when I was a child, but I’m sure they had great meaning!
8… Riches don’t come only from money! We were a family of seven until the five of us kids were teenagers and another child was born making us a family of eight. My Mom and Dad both graduated high school and my Mom even had some college, but they both worked hard, blue collar jobs, in order to just make ends meet. We never had much money, we were probably poverty level, but I never knew that growing up. The vacations we took existed mostly of camping trips at the lake. We always had fun and didn’t know we couldn’t take any other kind of vacation because there was no money for extras. We never had extravagant meals – lots of beans and potatoes, but we always had food to eat. I’m thankful for the way I grew up. I think it made me aware of what’s really important in this life.
9… Eight hours work for eight hours pay! My Mom and Dad both worked outside of the home. They taught us, by example, that as an employee, you have a responsibility to your employer. That responsibility includes being at work when scheduled and putting in a full day – not playing while on the job.
10.. Gossip is wrong! My parents raised us to be good listeners and able to keep to ourselves things told to us in confidence. We grew up to know that it is wrong to talk about people behind their back. We were taught that if we had a problem with another person, we should go to that person and tell them – because whatever was said or done may not have been done in the way it was taken.
"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. Matthew 18:15
11.. Car maintenance. Before my Dad would let us drive a car, both boys and girls, we had to learn how to change a tire, check the oil and water and know how to drive with a standard transmission. I remember once having to drive my Dad’s truck home from school. The truck was a standard and the gears would stick. When the gears stuck, you had to open the hood – which at that time was not done with a handy little pull inside the car – beat on the gear box with a hammer and then the truck would shift gears again! How many new drivers these days have an experience like that?!
12.. How to cook. Since my Mom and Dad both worked, they worked different shifts so that one of them was home with us kids all the time. My Mom, for a while, worked evenings and us kids would have to prepare the meal for supper. I’m afraid my poor Dad probably got some pretty bad meals until we finally learned how to cook, but I don’t remember him complaining much about the food. My brothers even learned to cook and still cook for their families today. I remember my brother, Gerry, used to bake for our school lunches. He liked to bake cakes and use food coloring in the batter to make grossly colored cakes which we had to take in our lunch. We couldn’t afford to throw away good food! Sometimes the look of the cake was pretty embarrassing, even though it never seemed to bother him!
13... We all make mistakes! The mistakes we make in our lives do not determine who we become. The past is the past and can never be changed. The future belongs to you and can be whatever you decide you want it to be! God is a loving God and forgives our sins, but we humans are less able to forget – even if we forgive! Unkind words, unkind actions – once carried through can never be taken back - so think before speaking!
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants
More valuable than the birds!
Mother has also developed a skin rash this week. It’s something we fight all the time – she seems to be very susceptible to some type of skin infection – partly due to her incontinence. I had noticed it on her back and started treating it this week and when Connie came on Monday to shower her she noticed it had spread quite a bit. Usually treating it with anti-fungal cream takes care of it pretty quickly.
Mother is having a lot more weakness when she tries to support herself - standing or walking. Connie noticed it this morning when she came to shower her. She had me help her get Mother to her chair in the living room after the shower because she was having so much weakness and didn’t want to risk her falling. Sometimes I think I see it, but then wonder if I’m just imagining that she is “different” than the day before. It helps me to know that she really is weaker when Connie or Christy confirms it.
The caretakers from Heartland Hospice that work with Mother are great! They are so gentle and loving and I don’t know what we would do without them! The following quote from Maya Angelou is one of my favorites and I think it definitely applies to our Hospice "angels".
“If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded”. Maya Angelou
I’m so thankful that we have them to count on for Mother’s care!
Mother is still confused – I know that won’t get better. She thinks she is supposed to be going to school and can’t understand when I tell her that she finished a long time ago. She always loved school and I guess maybe that’s why school is such an issue now. She still believes that she doesn’t live here, but instead lives with her Daddy and Mother. I try to steer clear of actual confrontation about it, but some times it turns into a pretty ugly incident. She gets angry that I won’t let her leave. She even says, in anger, that she will just walk to the house by herself if no one will take her, which is absurd! She can’t even walk without help, but thinks she can! I guess I’ll never understand dementia and where it takes her!
I started keeping my nephew, Ethan, this week while his mom works. Her husband, Jimmy (my brother) started a job as a prison guard a couple of months ago and is staying with Sheila’s parents in Medford. Sheila wants to stay here until the new baby comes in March so that she doesn’t have to change doctors. They have been managing to have time together most weekends since he started the job, but he is now in a 6-week training course and they probably will not get as much time together. His training is in another town – I can’t remember where – but he has to stay there for the entire six weeks.
My sister called me last night to let me know that her oldest son, who is a marine in the reserves, has been told that he will be deployed this year. They’re not sure where he will go, and won’t know until right before he leaves, but it’s frightening anyway – knowing that he could be going into harm’s way! He seems so young and is newly married – just last year. He’s grown into a great young man – a good Christian man – and I know he will be in God’s care.
My daughter, Candace, is still trying to make decisions regarding her marriage. She has moved back home and they are trying to work together for the boys’ sakes, but she is still having a difficult time and definitely needs prayer. She feels pressured to make some decisions that she’s not comfortable with right now. It’s hard to see your child going through the things she’s confronted with and I wish I could take away the hurt and make everything good, but I know I can’t do that. These are decisions she and her husband will have to make and hopefully they will let God lead them through to the right resolution.
I’m not doing very well sticking to my “List of Commitments”. I could certainly use prayer to strengthen my willpower and dedication. I am exercising each day – that’s certainly an improvement, but I’m not making the best food choices nor am I drinking enough water. I’m afraid I drink too much diet Dr Pepper and coffee!
I’m still enjoying the birds eating at the feeders. The rooster, peacock and guineas are still regular scavengers under the feeder, too. The guineas are pretty loud! I think they must be in competition with the donkey that lives next door!
Saturday, January 6, 2007
Sleeping in Peace, Dwelling in Safety
Ecclesiastes 3: (10) "I have seen the burden God has laid on men. (11) He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (12) I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. (13) That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. (14) I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him."
This week has been pretty quiet. Candace and boys have moved back to their house, which really leaves it quiet here! Mother’s had a good week – no anxiety attacks. She is, of course, still very confused and is sleeping much of the time.
My Aunt Barbara – wife of my Dad’s 3rd brother, Lloyd – called today to check on Mom. She and I talked for a while about the difficulties in dealing with dementia. Uncle Lloyd was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few months ago and Aunt Barbara is caring for him at home with the help of Hospice. She and I both agree that without Hospice assistance it would be much more difficult to care for our loved ones.
I feel incredibly sorry for her because it is her spouse she is losing to dementia. I’m sure she must feel so alone at times. She said he does still know who she is and does recognize all of their kids, so that’s a good thing. He is still ambulatory, but does fall sometimes. He has bruised himself quite badly before from falls.
It was good to talk to her and know that she is praying for Mom and I assured her that I am praying for her and Uncle Lloyd. She worries that she may not be able to care for him if her health gets bad, but we both know that God will provide the strength we need to continue their care.
Jeannie came and sat with Mom this evening – actually Jeannie, Bob, Leslie and Stacey all came to sit with Mom while I had a break. I went to Norman to visit with Elizabeth. Addy came in about an hour and half after I got there and then Michael came home later. Elizabeth cooked dinner and we all just visited together which was really nice! I got home around 9:00 and Jeannie had just put Mom to bed and was giving her evening meds.
Jody and Chance went out to eat together and then went to Lowe’s (one of Jody’s favorite places to shop!) They got some paint and Jody started painting the extra bedroom we have again now that Candace has moved. Addy came home with me to spend the night, so we’re off to bed now.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.
Psalm 4:8
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Thursday Thirteen #6
1…. She is Jody's daughter from his first marriage and became my "instant" daughter at the age of 9 years when Jody and I were married.
2.... She is 27 years old! I can hardly believe I have a child that age.
3.... She is a wife of 8 years to a man she loves very much.
4.... She is the mother of my oldest grandchild, Blake, who is 7 years old.
5.... She is very intelligent - loves going to school and just finished her studies earning an Associates Degree in Liberal Studies.
6.... She is a "people person" - loves to talk to people and meet new people!
7.... She has overcome many obstacles in her life to become the woman she is today.
8.... She was my first experience as the mother of a teenager!
9.... She is her own person - living her life in the way she chooses, not giving in to other's beliefs or concerns!
10... She became quite domesticated after her marriage!
11... She is meticulous about her hair - never wearing a simple style, but always having it fixed in some way.
12... She likes to be the "cool" aunt - she loves her niece and nephews.
13... She has a beautiful singing voice - when all three of my girls sing together, it's one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard!
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Tuesday, January 2, 2007
None Were As Rich As Me!
Happy New Year! At least, that’s always the hope, isn’t it? Each New Year brings hopes of happiness and prosperity and the belief that everything can have a new beginning! I know that new beginnings are possible at any time because they start within myself! I don’t need a date on the calendar to tell me that it’s time to make a list of my shortcomings, but of course, the date is a reminder that some things may need “tweaking” in my life.
New Year’s Resolutions weren’t a big thing in my house growing up; nor were they a big thing in our house as our children were growing up. I’m not sure that I have ever made New Year’s Resolutions.
I think this year I am going to make a “List of Commitments” (pretty much the same thing, huh?) beginning with a commitment to a more focused prayer life. It’s not that I don’t pray now, because I do – I just know that I could spend more time being focused in prayer than I do now.
The effectual fervent prayer
of a righteous man availeth much.
James 5:16
I also commit to a more concentrated study of The Bible. I try each day to live my life in a pleasing manner before God and know that more study will help me continue in that way, help me fight temptations and help me focus my prayer life! My prayer is to be more Christ-like in every way.
I also have the usual run-of-the-mill “commitments” like so many others – lose weight, start exercising regularly and live a healthier lifestyle! I know that with more concentrated study and prayer these areas in my life should resolve themselves. If I can recognize my body as God's and not my own, that is a huge step into caring for it in the right way.
I Corinthians 6:
(19) Do you not know that your body
is a temple of the Holy Spirit,
who is in you,
whom you have received from God?
You are not your own;
(20) you were bought at a price.
Therefore honor God with your body.
I think I try to separate sin into categories – some sins being worse than others in order to justify some of the choices I make - like foods I choose to eat over healthier choices, refraining from exercise and other choices I make that are unhealthy.
Jesus replied,
"I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.
John 8:34
The choices I make, sometimes, do make me a slave to sin – causing health problems or just making me feel tired, sluggish and out of shape! My commitment is to focus more on the choices I make in order to live a healthier life – and in this way, live a life more pleasing to God!
One of the issues in my prayer life is how do I pray for Mother? I remember when my Dad was sick and in those final days, we asked those praying for him not to pray for him to get better, but instead pray that his suffering end. I think that is where I am with Mother, also. She has very few good days anymore. I thought when I brought her home from the nursing home, she would feel better being with family but unfortunately she doesn’t even know that she is living with me. She doesn’t recognize that the people surrounding her are her own family, even though she feels like we are people that care about her. I know she senses that because when I put her to bed at night, she tells me often that she appreciates the way that I care for her. I’m glad she at least can feel that I do care. I never want her to feel unwanted or a burden to us.
She sleeps so much more now – about 15 – 20 hours out of every 24. The last few days I can tell that her appetite is not as good as it has been in the past. She doesn’t drink much, nor does she want a drink when it’s offered to her most of the time. She refuses to eat, sometimes, saying that she has already eaten and is not hungry. I don’t push her to eat – I don't think it's that important anymore.
She seems to be getting consistently weaker. She is more unsteady and she shakes all the time now. I’m not sure why she shakes like she does – I think I’ll ask Christy about it next time she’s here.
Mother cried today because she said she feels so unworthy of being loved. She can’t remember so much of her past and doesn’t realize the impact she had on many lives through her children, grandchildren, Sunday school students, etc. It’s hard to convince someone of their worth when they have no memory of the life they've lived.
She is also having more trouble with language. She can begin telling me something and then halfway through starts talking about something totally different. She stutters on her words and has a more difficult time saying the words she intends to say – it’s as if the word is pulled away from her at the exact moment she starts to say it.
I know that she is never going to get better. I know that she will continue to decline. My prayer is that I am able to care for her here at home, until she passes. I pray that her passing will be calm, peaceful and without pain. She is my Mother and I am the result of her and of my Dad and I’m thankful that they were my parents!
RICHES
By JeanneOD.ORhein
They say that times were tough then
That money was very tight
But I remember my childhood
And I know that can't be right
Mom would cook our dinner
Dad came home at five
We were all sitting at the table
Waiting for him to arrive
We wouldn't eat from a microwave
Or a resturant down the street
We all ate Mom's home cooking
And boy that can't be beat
We didn't eat in front of the TV
Or with a phone in our hand
We weren't plugged into a stereo bopping to the latest band
We would all sit at the table
Everyone in their place
There were never any surprises
We reconized every face
Brothers to the left of me
Sisters to the right
That's the way we ate dinner
Every single night
We laughed we joked we talked we ate
We were a family don't you see
Though some may have been raised poor
You can see it wasn't me
We ate collards we ate biscuits
We ate fatback and blackeyed peas
We said yes sir we said no sir
We said thank you ma'am and please
So when you talk of family life
Or how it used to be
Though many had more money
None were as rich as me