My Thursday Thirteen #2

Thirteen FriendsWho Bless My Life

1…. Karen, my friend for 10 years. A Godly woman, a great listener who provides comfort and reassurance that I am able to find strength through God when I need it most.

2....Bettye, my friend for 10 years. She, too, is a Godly woman who will pray with me and show me ways to "rethink" issues that I might not always see clearly.

3....Harolyn, my cousin and my friend. Even though we may go through periods of time when we don't see each other or talk, each time we do talk it's as though no time has passed. She has helped me get through many situations in my life just by "being there for me".

4....Virginia - A strong and faithful woman who shows such strength and love in caring for family. She is raising her grandchildren with such dedication that she truly is an inspiration to me.

5....Phyllis, my friend for 12 years. A very strong woman who even through times that were difficult for her comes through seemingly even stronger than she was before. So caring and considerate that I can't imagine my life had I not met her.

6....DeDe - another strong, faithful, dedicated Christian woman/wife/mother. She has been fighting disease for several years and has been an inspiration to me in the way she has fought - always able to smile and give of herself when she could so easily have given up.

7....Verna - my daughter's "second-mother", our babysitter from the time Elizabeth was four months old until she started school. She helped instill in Elizabeth good moral character, love and respect for others. When I was not able to be with Elizabeth, I never worried when she was with Verna - always knowing she was getting the "best".

8....Angelia - a woman I care deeply for but don't spend as much time as I would like to - visiting with her. She has taught me a lot - about strength, faith and sharing her faith, not only through her words, but through her daily walk.

9....Annie - who has inspired me by her words and by her dedication and faith in the recovery process for Isabell since her near-drowning accident. Annie's faith is evident by her words and her actions and I can "feel" the strong belief that she has that God will heal Isabell and glorifies Him in each step Isabell makes toward her complete healing.

10...My Mother - before she became lost to Dementia. She was so loving and giving, always putting others first. She was dedicated to my Dad for the 47 years they were married before his death. She took such wonderful care of him the last six years of his life when he was very ill. She stood at the head of his hospital bed and sang to him for 20 hours straight the last day of his life. I hope that I am at least "half" the wife and mother that she was.

11...Glenda - a good friend even when I didn't know that she was. She is another woman in my life who is faithful and dedicated in her daily walk with God. She is strong and "classy" and cares deeply for others.

12...Cary - who has helped me through so many difficulties, sharing her knowledge and wisdom with me to help me understand myself more. She is a guide, using God's word as her compass. I care very deeply for her.

13...Valerie - someone I've never met in person, but found her blog and have been touched by so many of her entries as well as comments she has left on mine.




Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Reconciliation

II Corinthians 5:

(17) Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (18) All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: (19) that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. (20) We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. (21) God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

This has been a tough week for me and I ask for prayers for myself and for my family. My eyes have been opened to some “truths” which I have denied for some time now. I didn’t want to see what is really behind the actions of a person that I love very much and care deeply about. I have finally decided that I can’t be in denial and also be the wife and mother that I should be for my family.
It’s very difficult to believe that someone you love can be indifferent to those feelings. I tried to talk to this person about some lifestyle choices being made that definitely can cost the price of a soul. I wanted nothing more than for this person to examine the choices they are making, knowing right from wrong and having been taught, all their life, obedience and submission to God. I want, very much, for everyone I love and care about to know the peace, comfort and love of God and the blessings He pours upon His children!
The comments I made about the “choices” were taken as a “personal insult” and caused this person to separate themself from not only me, but the entire family! We have a huge hole where we used to hold them close in love! I am afraid this person would rather separate from us than see the love and concern I have for them.
I have done a lot of soul-searching since these realizations have hit and know that some of the relationships from the past that I have chosen to end because of struggles in those relationships need to have closure. I am determined to correct the emptiness left behind, either by apology or by explanation to those I may have hurt by separating myself from them. It’s hard to accept that I made choices that caused someone else to be hurt by my actions in the same way I am hurting now.
I am thankful that my God is a loving and forgiving God. I am thankful that these truths have been revealed to me so that I am able to recognize my own deficiencies even though this recognition means I will have to humble myself before, not only God, but individuals that I thought I left behind a long time ago.
I carried anger inside for a long time after separating myself from this difficult relationship and even though I was able to let go of the anger I never really made peace with people and know that I have to – even if it means opening a window in the walls I built up to protect myself from further hurt!

Each time anyone comes into contact with us,

they must become different and better people

because of having met us.

We must radiate God’s love.

We must know that we have been created for greater things,

not just to be a number in the world,

not just to go for diplomas and degrees,

this work and that work.

We have been created in order to love and to be loved.

Love does not measure. . . it just gives.

Mother Teresa

Another Day for Thanksgiving

Another week is ending and what a week! Today was good! I cooked the meal – turkey, ham, dressing and all the goodies! I had a couple of new recipes I really wanted to try, but most of my family doesn’t take well to new foods. Toni, Elizabeth, Candace, Mom and I are the ones who will try about anything. One of the recipes was for Brussels sprouts, which I love! Since Toni, Elizabeth and Candace were all unable to be here today, I decided to wait until another time to try the new recipe. Michael called this evening and said they would be here tomorrow, so I think I will try out the recipe then.

Only a few of us able to get together today, but I’ll take any of them I can get! Toni, Jeff and Blake were going to a friend’s today – Jeff’s best friend from high school had recently been involved in a car accident and after being in the hospital, then a rehab center, he is now mending at home.

Elizabeth and Michael were going to his parents for the day. I’m so thankful she has such great in-laws. She loves them and feels very comfortable with them and I think they feel the same way about her. Candace had to work today, but Nick and the boys came for lunch. Chance is a picky eater, so he didn’t enjoy the meal with us.

Charlie (my oldest brother) and Summer (his daughter) came over for a bit. It’s always good to see Charlie and I really enjoyed seeing Summer. It’s been a while since I last saw her. It was a good day.
Mom continues to sleep most of the time now. When she is awake, she’s confused. Elizabeth, Michael and Addy came out Tuesday and spent the night and most of yesterday here. Mom didn’t know Elizabeth part of the time she was here. Elizabeth handled it really well. Many times when Candace comes over, she gets caught up in Mom’s fantasy world. Mom asks her questions, which, of course, Candace has no way of knowing what the answer should be. She handles it well, also.
Jody’s grandmother died this week. He and Toni went to the funeral yesterday. I am not really close to Jody’s family and only met his grandmother once. I asked Jody if he wanted me to go with him, but knowing how hard it would be for me to get someone to sit with Mom, he said he would be fine to go alone.
I woke up this morning before everyone else and was having my coffee and watching TV. I found a Hallmark movie titled, “A Time To Remember” and started watching it. It was about a woman who comes back to visit her mother and finds her mother is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s. Of course I got caught up in the story because the mom in the story mirrored my Mom. The plot really was about mending fences and treasuring whatever time the mother and daughter had left – before the disease took over. It’s amazing how cleansing and refreshing a good cry can be. Those Hallmark movies really get to me!

Each and every day is Thanksgiving for me! I know how blessed I am and thank God for all the blessings! Every day brings something new and I look forward to discovering whatever comes next!

"Each moment is a place you've never been."

mark strand

The Things I Know!

The "Thursday Thirteen" was fun! I not only read other people’s blogs, but also put myself out there to meet people online and maybe start new friendships! I often tell people that starting this online journal has been therapeutic for me.
My life is good and I know how blessed I am, thanking God each day for the wonders that are mine to enjoy. Sometimes, I’m so comfortable that I don’t think about situations other people are living in – stress, turmoil, ill health and so many other things. My daily focus is on God and through His grace and mercy; I am strengthened – through prayer – and able to handle problems as they arise.

"This righteousness from God

comes through faith in Jesus Christ

to all who believe." Romans 3:22

I can imagine how lost people are when they make life choices contrary to the teachings of our Lord. Many years ago, I was one of those people making choices that would negatively impact my life – for the rest of my life!
I found others, through the "Thursday Thirteen" blogs I read, that have suffered some of the same trauma I experienced – bringing back many memories that I had “stuffed” away! There was one blog I found, http://adultsurvivors.blogspot.com, that really caused the memories to come flooding back! The blog is about childhood abuse, which was not my case, but the entry was so expressive and so accurate that it applies even if the abuse took place when the victim was an adult!
The author talks about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and the problems a victim carries with them throughout life. I know that my experiences have stayed with me and have caused me to build up walls that need to fall, but I don’t know how they will ever be brought down! I don’t give myself fully in relationships – whether the relationship is with a friend or even with some family members. When you’ve been hurt by a person who vows to care for you and protect you for a lifetime, do those scars ever go away? So far, I have not found the way. I have, in my heart, forgiven my abuser. Though I never told the abuser that I had forgiven him. After reading the blogs of other women who suffered abuse in the same manner, it seems that once they were able to express to the abuser that he was forgiven, they are able to move forward! Is that something I should do? Is that something I want to do? I honestly don’t know! I don’t believe he would receive the message the way it would be given and would also let him know where I am and how he could again find me. I pray that forgiving him, whether expressing it openly or not, is pleasing to God!
Something I do know – since having my Mom back home, it has made me much more aware of “time”. The time we have on this earth is so limited and I am more conscious of telling my family and my friends how I feel about them. I know that if I should leave this earth, I would want them all to know how much I love them. I’ve written some notes to my children – confessing my faults as a parent, asking their forgiveness for mistakes I made and also letting them know that everything I’ve done – for them or to them – was done in love. The kids probably think I’m losing my mind right along with Granny losing hers!
My birthday is in a couple of weeks - number 49 this year. The numbers have never bothered me and is not bothering me now except for the fact, that it becomes more real – I’m aging! I’m growing older! My children are growing older! Even my grandchildren will not be left behind and insist on growing older, also!
I guess what I’m really doing is working on myself a little more than I have in years past! The kids are grown, Mom sleeps most of the day now and I’m left to myself most of the time! I have a lot of “thinking time” which may or may not be a good thing!

Anyway,

these are the things I know:
1. I know that I am thankful for a great and merciful God who gives forgiveness to those of us who are unworthy of that forgiveness!

"In him we have redemption through his blood,

the forgiveness of sins,in accordance with the riches of God's grace" Ephesians 1:7

2. I know that I am thankful for my parents who taught us about the love of God and how we were made in his image – with free will to choose the paths we take in this life. How Our God must rejoice when one of us returns and comes back under the shelter of His grace – but of course, He knew that we would!

"Train a child in the way he should go,

and when he is old

he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

3. I know that I’m thankful for my husband, Jody. He loves me as I am – which is something I could not do for a very long time! He has taught me many things, and I never want to experience life without him!

Genesis 2

(22) Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. (23) The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man." (24) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

4. I know that I am thankful for my children. My daughters are all wives and mothers; my son is a strong, loving teenager, and knowing that we taught them to love the Lord and to live a good life based on the teachings of God, I pray they will make good choices for their lives.

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians 5:1,2

”My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.” 1 John 2:1

5. I know that I am thankful to have my Mom living with us for the remainder of her life. She was so unhappy in the nursing home, after she became so confused! I am thankful that God provided Jody and me with the wisdom to know how we could manage our finances without me working an outside job.

“But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.” 1 Timothy 5:4

6. I know that I am thankful to have been taught to love God and to keep his commandments. I know that I am thankful that Jesus Christ came and lived on this earth in the flesh and then died on the cross so that we may all experience his forgiveness through our repentance! I know that I am thankful to have been taught the power of the Holy Spirit!

My prayer to my Heavenly Father is a prayer of Thanksgiving for the many blessings he has bestowed upon me. Thanksgiving for my family and the closeness we share! Thanksgiving that Mother, even though she is more confused, is not as anxious as time goes by. Thankfulness for the freedoms we have in this country and prayers for the leaders of our country to make decisions pleasing to Him! I pray for humility – to live a life pleasing to God – a life of love and forgiveness. I pray for others, who may be suffering or may not know the Lord – that they will be taught and come to know of the peace that comes only through Him!

Philippians 2:

(1)” If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,

(2) then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.

(3) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

(4) Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

(5) Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

(6) Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

(7) but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

(8) And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!

(9) Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,

(10) that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

(11) and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.”

My Thursday Thirteen #1

Thirteen Things about annb 1. I am first and foremost a child of God 2. I am a wife to my husband, Jody, for 17 years 3. I am a mother to four children - Toni/26; Elizabeth/25; Candace/23 and Chance/16. 4. I am mother-in-law to three - Jeff (Toni's husband); Michael (Elizabeth's husband) and Nick (Candace's husband). 5. I am grandma to four - Blake/7 (Toni and Jeff); Addyson/5 (Elizabeth and stepdaughter to Michael); Levi/4 and Joey/2 (Candace and Nick). 6. I am primary caregiver to my Mother/76, who is suffering from dementia and lives with my family. 7. I have two sisters and three brothers. 8. I am ambidextrous - some things I do left-handed and some things I do right-handed! 9. I love working in my flower beds - during warm weather! 10. I have never had a speeding ticket. 11. I have a black Pug named China - That I love! 12. I love to read! 13. I constantly obsess about my weight (too much of it!) Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

How awesome His works!

Come and see what God has done, how awesome his works in man's behalf! Psalm 66:5

It has been a week since my last entry and, my goodness, what a week it has been! Last Thursday, I noticed a difference in Mother in the way she was sitting, standing, walking and eating! She began leaning to the left and as she ate supper, she kept dropping her fork over and over. When I took her to her room to get her ready for bed, she was leaning to the left, so much, that she was hardly able to walk and I had to help her more than usual to keep her from falling.
When Connie, Hospice aide, arrived on Friday morning to give Mom her shower, I told her what was going on and helped her get Mom up and into the bedroom. When Connie showered Mom, she told me that she had been afraid Mom was going to fall off the shower chair. Connie called for me after getting Mom up because she was afraid Mom was going to fall and needed me to help get her to her bed. Connie called Christy, Hospice nurse, and told her what was going on, and Christy said she would come out and check Mom to see if there was something “new” causing the problems.
Once Connie and I got Mom to bed, I didn’t get her up again until the next day. Usually, Mother likes to sit in the living room so she can be close to me during the day. I was afraid to get her up out of bed by myself for fear that she might fall, so leaving her in bed was the only option. She slept most of the day, just waking up when I awoke her to change her bed, take meds or eat. I fed her lunch because she still was not able to hold onto her spoon or fork.
Christy came in the afternoon and couldn’t find anything in the physical exam that would contribute to the weakness Mother was experiencing. She said many times when there is no physical explanation, it could be an ear infection or urinary tract infection. Mom doesn’t appear to be uncomfortable or in any more pain than what she usually has, so we decided just to watch her and see how things progress. Christy did suggest that I give Mom “finger foods” so that she is still able to feed herself as much as possible. Jeannie came out to sit with Mom while Jody and I went to the store to stock up!
Saturday morning, Charlie (my oldest brother) surprised us with a visit! Charlie is a die-hard Sooners fan and attends every game! He was in town for the game and wanted to see Mom while he was here. She wasn’t able to carry on much conversation with him, but was glad to see him!
Mom stayed in bed most of the day both Saturday and Sunday. By Sunday, she was doing better and had an easier time walking, not leaning so much! By yesterday, she was able to sit up much better and seemed to be feeling better.
She woke up about 6:00 am yesterday, believing that there were people in the house – “bad” men trying to rob us. She was lying in bed, yelling to “the men” saying she had her hands on her head and did not have a gun. She told “the men” the police were on their way, so if they wanted to give themselves up, now was the time!
Jody and Chance as they got ready for work and school had been trying to be quiet so they wouldn’t wake her up, and she couldn’t tell who the men were, but I’m sure that’s what was causing the confusion. I got her up to the bathroom and then put her back to bed, assuring her that no one was in the house to harm us.
After Connie showered Mom, she brought her in to the living room to sit and Mom watched the front door the entire time she sat there, watching for “the men” to come in the house. When Connie told Mother ‘bye and that she would see her Wednesday, Mom told her that she may not be here Wednesday, because she was going to have to go to the “jail” to get this mess straightened out! Connie knows how confused Mom is, and told her she would call before coming on Wednesday.
Mom still stayed in bed most of the day, after I put her to bed about 1:00 pm. I tried to get her up to eat supper, but she said she wasn’t feeling well and wanted to stay in bed. She didn’t even want to eat, so I fixed her a protein shake and she drank that, took her meds and went back to sleep. She slept all night, not waking up at all. She’s still sleeping this morning.
I had Addyson from Wednesday until Friday. Friday morning, Addyson decided she wanted to be Granny’s nurse and even helped find her shoes . She wanted to pick out the shoes Granny would wear and as you can see in the picture, she put one white shoe and one black shoe on Granny. Addyson thought it was really funny, although it threw Mom off a couple of times when she looked at her shoes. I had to explain why she was wearing mismatched shoes!

I asked Candace to bring the boys over on Thursday to play with Addy, and have some time alone if she wanted to do something. She brought the boys after Levi got out of school, but she had a hard time figuring out how to spend the alone time. She rarely is without the boys, so she was at a loss how to spend the time. She decided to go “shopping” – looking for Christmas presents and a birthday present for Nick.
Sunday afternoon, Brad and Emily (my nephew and his wife) stopped by to see Mom before they drove back to Arkansas. They brought their wedding pictures, which was really exciting for me, because I stayed home with Mom rather than attending their wedding in Michigan. They didn’t stay long – Brad had to get back to work that night.
Jeannie came to sit with Mom while Chance, Dustin, Jody and I went to the Blue Man Group concert at the Ford Center. It was a great concert. We had a good time and it was nice to be able to “put aside” the normal concerns of life, even for a little while!
Michael, Elizabeth and Addyson stayed the weekend which is always fun! Sheila and Ethan came down Saturday evening and again on Sunday afternoon to play cards. Usually Jimmy is here making the fourth player for cards. Since Jimmy is working out of town, I sat in as the fourth player. I didn’t win any of the games we played, but it was fun nevertheless.
I think we’re back to our “normal” routine this week. I’m glad that Mom is feeling better. She continues to be tired, which I’m sure will continue to be the “norm” for her. We continue to thank God for our blessings and praying for comfort and peace for Mom.

But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; Psalm 73:28

Packing for Home?

Mother has started “packing” a lot! I keep a box of Kleenex on a table beside her and she has decided, I’m guessing, that the box is her personal suitcase. Every day she packs the Kleenex, her glasses, her hairbrush and anything else that will fit into the box. Tonight she tried to put her tooth cup (holds her false teeth at night) and would have put her glass of water into it had I not stopped her!
As I’ve said before, she doesn’t think she lives here and always wants to go home. I guess by packing the box with her things, she will be ready if and when someone will take her “home”.
Yesterday, Elizabeth, Addy and Avery came out to sit with Mom so I could go vote. Addyson had a lot of questions about the voting procedure, so while Elizabeth went to vote, I kept Avery and Elizabeth took Addy with her. I guess you can never start too early teaching children about the great privilege we have in being able to have our say in the election of our leaders!












Avery, the little girl Elizabeth keeps in her home daycare, took to Mother really quickly. Avery carries around her blankie and kept giving it to Mom to hold. She kept wanting Mom to hold her, so Elizabeth would help her climb up on the couch with Mom. She loved holding Avery. We have to stay close when she holds any of the kids because she’s so unsteady, but she always wants to have them close to her.
Mother was calm most of the time they were here, which was quite a while. She was confused and talking “out of her head”, but that is common these days. Elizabeth was able to witness Mom as I tried to explain that her Mom and Dad were both gone – that they died a long time ago. I try to avoid telling her about the deaths of her family members, but sometimes I don’t know any other way to explain their absence.
Mom had decided that she was going “home” because her Daddy was expecting her and would be upset if she didn’t go home. She said he was just outside waiting for her and, I’m sure, if she were able to walk she would have gone outside on her own. She gets pretty agitated when I try to explain to her that there is no one outside, that she lives with Jody and me now and that she cannot leave the house. Chance came in from school during this time and I had to send him outside to tell her Dad that she would not be coming home today.
I finally had to tell her that her parents had passed away after she became agitated because I wouldn’t let her go home. She just has no comprehension any more that death is final! She knows that they died, but she also insists that each of her family members, at one time or another has come here and talked to her. I don’t even know how to calm her when she gets this way. How can I explain, in a way that she understands, that she can’t go to her family when she “knows” they are just next door? Nothing I say makes sense to her just as most things she says make no sense to me!
She enjoyed the day with the kids! She loves having small children around her, but she gets completely confused about who the kids are and whom they belong to. She can’t understand why Addyson doesn’t live here anymore – why she lives with Michael and Elizabeth.




Paranoia and hallucinations have reared their ugly sides again! After Elizabeth and the girls left, Mother decided there were men outside who were just waiting to hurt us. She stared at the front door all evening, watching so they wouldn’t come inside. I kept telling her there was no one outside, but she said she had seen them. At one point, she even told me they had come inside and brought a bunch of boxes and stacked them in the corner of the living room. Even when she looked into the corner, where there were no boxes, she still believed the boxes were there. Lately, she tires out about 6:00 pm, but I keep her awake until at least 7:00, preferably 7:30 before I put her to bed. Once she got so tired, she stopped watching the door and settled down a little bit. I put her to bed about 7:15 and she’s still sleeping this morning – 7:30 am.
Jimmy called yesterday to see if I could keep Ethan today, so he should be here any minute so Sheila can get to work. Jimmy has taken a job somewhere else (can’t remember the name of the town) and is staying with Sheila’s parents in Medford. Sheila and Ethan are still here and Sheila wants to stay until the new baby is born, so she can keep the same obstetrician.Elizabeth just called and is bringing Addyson out to go to the doctor and asked if I could keep her for the next couple of days since she’s sick. Elizabeth would have to close her home daycare if Addy stayed at home. So, I’ll have Ethan and Addy today and I’ll have Addy again tomorrow. I love to have the kids here, so it’ll be fun!

To Love And To Be Loved!

Each time anyone comes into contact with us,

they must become different and better people

because of having met us. We must radiate God’s love.

We must know that we have been created for greater things,

not just to be a number in the world,

not just to go for diplomas and degrees,

this work and that work.

We have been created

in order to love and to be loved.

Love does not measure. . . it just gives.

Mother Teresa

It’s Monday morning – start of a new week. The weekend was good – lots of family around. Saturday, Jeannie came out and sat with Mom so that Jody and I could go to town and run my weekly errands. I have to plan my time differently since Mom came back home. Before, if I needed something I could just run to the store and pick it up myself – no planning involved. I now have to plan my time, make sure I have someone to sit with Mom, make a carefully planned list and pick up everything I will need for at least the upcoming week. There are items I have to get for Mom that Jody doesn’t particularly want to pick up on his own, so I have to get those when I’m able to go to the store myself.
It was nice to get out of the house for a while on Saturday and just have some time with Jody – not having to think about “Mom” issues. We thought while we were out we would go to a movie – but couldn’t find one we really wanted to see! I like garage sales, flea markets and “treasure” hunting. We went to the Old Paris flea market and walked around for a little while. We didn’t buy anything except popcorn, but it was fun to look. We then went to Crossroads Mall and walked around – bought an Auntie Ann’s Take Home pretzel making kit. I made the pretzels last night and they turned out pretty good. I think if I try it again, I’ll use less salt. They were a bit too salty for most of us. I think Jody could eat salt straight out of the shaker and not think it was too much, but the rest of us use it more sparingly!
Mother, for the past week, has started worrying about Daddy. She gets upset at bedtime because he’s still not home and she doesn’t know where he is at that time. It’s really hard to explain anything to her because she doesn’t understand the concept of death anymore. Even if I try to explain that family members have died, she says she knows they died, but they came back – saying she’s just seen them again recently. She believes they come around her and she thinks she has talked to them either on the phone or in person. Friday night, she went to bed crying about Daddy and Saturday morning she woke up crying – because she couldn’t get bed rail down to get out of bed. When she goes to bed at night, I put the bed rails up on each side of the bed to prevent her getting out of bed alone because of the fall risk.
I talked to Christy (Hospice nurse) last week about how the dementia will progress and what I can expect to happen. She said the natural progression “normally” is that the person will forget how to do things – beginning with many of the things Mother is already experiencing like not recognizing us, being unable to recall words she's trying to talk about, how to dress and eventually, things like swallowing and breathing. Of course, that will be at the end of her life!

When she examined Mom, she said Mom still obeys commands well. Christy always talks to Mom when she comes out and when she asked Mom if she was still walking a lot, Mother told her that she had walked to the neighbors house Friday morning – about a mile away! Of course, that wasn’t true – Mother hardly walks at all anymore. She walks from the living room to the bathroom or bedroom and back – no more. She cannot walk without her walker and I stay right beside her because she is wobbly and unstable when she walks. She can’t remember where the bathroom is, or where the bedroom is and can't find those rooms by herself.
While Jeannie sat with Mom on Saturday, she said Mom didn’t recognize her – said she was not her daughter and wanted to know who told Jeannie that she was her daughter! This was the first time Jeannie had experienced that first hand. I live with it every day – never knowing who I am to Mom on any given day!
Michael and Elizabeth came over yesterday afternoon, so that I could color Elizabeth’s hair. Michael is so funny and I love for them to come over because we laugh so much! We all got tickled at Mom for something she said and Elizabeth had to leave the room for fear of upsetting Mom by laughing at her. Michael and I got really tickled then and couldn't hold back, so I told Mom that Michael was laughing at some joke he told and I was laughing because he laughs at his own jokes, whether they’re funny or not! When I told her that, she laughed at him, too!
Randy and Kathy came by for a little bit last night. It was nice to visit with them. Jeannie and I are working together to plan a Thanksgiving get together for our family (siblings and their families). It’s hard to get everybody together much anymore, because we all have grown children with other families we have share them with during the holidays.
This is my birthday month - number 49! Each year brings something new – and I know this year will be no different. It’s amazing to me how I keep getting older, but still feel the same inside (except for a few more aches and pains). My grandbabies getting older each year makes aging very real! My children grew up fast, but Blake, Addy, Levi and Joey are growing up even more quickly!
I’ll be getting my birthday gift early – next Sunday November 12. We have tickets to the Blue Man Group concert and I am really looking forward to it. Jody and I will be going and taking Chance and Dustin (Chance’s best friend) with us. We plan to go early and eat somewhere in Bricktown and then go to the concert. Jody has never been to a concert, so this will be something new for him! When he told me he has never been to a concert, I could hardly believe it! When the kids were younger, we went several times to the Sesame Street show when it came to Oklahoma City, but I guess we can’t really count that as a concert! I’m not sure he really enjoyed those, anyway! I think he’ll enjoy the concert next weekend and I know I will!
Jeannie is coming out to sit with Mom again while we go to the concert. I don’t know what I would do without Jeannie! She is my relief, once a week. Candace and Elizabeth have been good about sitting with Mom when I need them, also. I try not to ask them because some times it can be difficult – especially if Mom has an anxiety attack while I’m gone.
Well, Jody’s gone to work, Chance left for school, Mom’s still asleep, but it’s time for me to begin my day. I like to have some quiet time before Mother wakes up in the morning – just to be alone with my thoughts and my prayers!

I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. Psalm 143:5

Tricks Can Be Treats!

It’s Wednesday already and so far, this week has been good. Even though Mother continues to be confused, she has not had too many crying spells. Her life, as she knows it, is still baffling to me!

Yesterday, Elizabeth, Addy and Avery (Elizabeth keeps at her daycare) came over after Addy got out of school. Elizabeth and I had been talking about Jimmy and Sheila’s new baby and out of the blue, Mother asked me how much it would cost for her to go to the doctor. I told her I didn’t know and asked why she thought she needed to see the doctor. She told me she thought she was pregnant! I assured her she was not and of course, she wanted to know how I could possibly know that she was not pregnant. Shortly after that, I took her to the bathroom and she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said she was crying because she had really wanted to be pregnant and have another baby! She even went on to say even though she wanted a baby, she wasn’t sure she could care for it because she was getting so old! I don’t understand how, even though she knows how old she is, that she could possibly believe she was even pregnant. Thankfully, that episode passed pretty quickly and she didn’t mention it again.

Every day, Mother asks me if there is something she could do to help me with the housework or the cooking or even loading the dishwasher. I always tell her that there’s not much to do and I am able to get it done. Yesterday, I had a load of towels to fold and thought I would let her do that since she always wants something to do to occupy her time. She worked on folding the clothes for about three hours and then started crying, saying she couldn’t fold them anymore. She was having trouble seeing the corners is what she told me, but I think she couldn’t remember how to fold them. She kept asking me how I wanted them folded and I told her it didn’t make any difference, just to fold them any way she wanted to fold them. I never thought at the time that she might be having trouble remembering how to fold them. This is still a learning process for me and sometimes I overlook the fact that she has lost so much memory. It never occurred to me that she might not remember how to fold towels!

She can’t remember anymore that she lives with Jody and me. Daily, she asks me who is picking her up to take her home, or she asks me to call the house and see if her Mother is there. She has started talking about Daddy more than she did in the beginning. Last night, she kept asking me if I had heard from him and if he had come home from work yet. Every night when Jody gets home from work she asks him if he came by the house or if he saw Fred (her husband) or if he had seen her Mother or Daddy. Poor Jody, he never knows how to answer her, because I try not to say anything specific that might cause her to be upset. Some days I have to explain to her that Daddy and her parents have all passed away and are not here anymore, but I try to avoid having to do that. Jody walks in and is never sure how the day has been going so he is at a loss about what he should say to her.

She is sleeping better at night – I’m not up at all with her most nights. She still sleeps a lot during the day also. She is just so tired all the time! I continue to ask God to comfort her and to let her feel His presence around her.

Since we live in the country, we never have trick-or-treaters, but all of the grandkids came by to pick up the “goodie” bags I had prepared for them. They came in their costumes and they looked so cute! We had the Red Power Ranger, Buzz Lightyear and Woody and Dorothy from the "Wizard of Oz". The kids are great and so much fun! They add such excitement and joy to my life. I am so thankful for my children (including sons-in-law) and for my grandchildren.

Halloween day was good since the kids came by and I was even able to give Chance a Halloween fright! Last week I took some of Jody’s old clothes, a pair of his old boots and a mask that belonged to Chance from an earlier time, stuffed the clothes and put the “scary” man (the grandkids' name for him) on a bench that is on our front porch. He’s been there all week and just kind of became a “fixture”. Nobody really paid much attention to him anymore.

Yesterday, I dressed up in the clothes, put on the mask and sat on the bench in the same position the “scary” man had been sitting all week. When Chance got home, I waited until he came up on the porch and got right in front of me and I jumped up and scared him! It was so funny! He is always coming up behind me, wrapping his arms around me and holding my arms down so that I can’t get him. He thinks it’s hysterical to overpower me! Yesterday was his payback and it was great! He never even looked at me on the bench because he was so used to the “scary” man. I was slightly injured during all the fun though – when I jumped up and scared him, he automatically, as a reflex action, kicked at me and got me in the shin. I have a huge bruise and swelling where he got me, but even that was worth it! I’m sure he will still pin my arms when he hugs me, but I was able to “overpower” him – even for a little bit!

Wow! November is here! Christmas is just around the corner! This begins our family's busy time as far as birthdays and holidays. Nick and I both have birthdays this month; Thanksgiving is coming; Jody and Toni have birthdays next month; Christmas comes around and then January brings four birthdays – Chance, Joey, Candace and Elizabeth! Jody and I have our wedding anniversary in February (Valentine’s Day) and then the activity slows down and spreads out! We get a little break from birthdays.
I have decided one of my New Year’s resolutions for 2007 will be to get more organized regarding birthdays and anniversaries. I am so bad about sending cards and acknowledging special days. Birthdays and "special" days have never meant a great deal to me and I forget that other people don’t feel about those days the same way I feel about them. I really would like to be better and at least send a card to each person on his or her day. That is going to be a priority for me in the upcoming year!

Since I am no longer working, I don’t see my friends from my old job. They have called me and we communicate by email, but I really miss seeing them. I told a few of them that I would plan a brunch and have them all out to the house since I am not free to leave the house much anymore. I still have not set a date and planned the brunch, but think I will plan it this week and let them all know so that we can get together. I miss them a lot – they were a strong support system for me for the past ten years. I was very blessed to work with Christians and to be able to have such great people to call my friends. I am anxious to see them and need to have them over before they all get busy with the holidays.

I am grateful for the prayers offered up on behalf of Mother and my family. To each of you, I say thank you and please continue to pray for us. As we all know, God does answer our prayers and He continues to touch our lives and it’s evident by the decreasing anxiety attacks that Mother experiences!

The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7