The LONG Scientific Personality Test

HelloQuizzy is a fun place to find all kinds of tests and quizzes! I found this test over at Natalie's and decided to try it, too!

Your result for The LONG Scientific Personality Test...

ISFJ-The Protector

You scored 27% I to E, 79% N to S, 38% F to T, and 16% J to P!

The protector type is called such because you feel your life is best used to protect those you love from the pitfalls of life, to see to their safety and security. You belong to the larger group called guardians. You find great satisfaction in assisting the downtrodden. You are not talkative with strangers, but you can chat tirelessly with those you trust. You have a good solid work ethic. You are thorough and very likely frugal. You do not like to be in a place of authority, and will delegate poorly if forced into a lead position. You share your type with 10% of the population.

As a romantic partner, you are generous and gentle. Occasionally you may be taken for granted because of this fact. You are tireless in providing acts of service for your loved ones. You run the risk of always being exhausted because you won't say no to your partner. You are sensitive to criticism and will withdraw rather than fight back. You wish to be appreciated for your loyalty and whole hearted nuturing. Your values must be respected and you thrive on consideration and kindness.

Your group summary: Guardians (SJ)

Your Type Summary: ISFJ

Take The LONG Scientific Personality Test at HelloQuizzy

In His Love and Blessings
annb

My Real Age - 35!

Your result for The What is your REAL age Test...

You are 35 years old!!

Take The What is your REAL age Test at HelloQuizzy

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Word Beads Week 08/17

Word Beads on Sentence Strings

A Meme

As I get older, I am trying to make healthier lifestyle choices. One of the ways I thought might contribute to a healthier lifestyle was the addition of Zinc in my diet. Zinc is a metallic element that has many uses, one of which is as a micronutrient for humans.

Zinc is a mineral that is vital to many biological functions such as immune resistance, wound healing, digestion, reproduction, physical growth, diabetes control, taste and smell. I thought I might broach the subject, of adding Zinc to my diet, with my doctor next time I was in to see her.

As I researched the need for Zinc in nutrition, I found that there are many natural sources to obtain this element – beef, chicken, turkey, milk, cheese, yogurt and pure maple syrup. My nimble mind decided natural was the way for me. I prefer natural methods over adding things to my body that are not found in nature. I do take JuicePlus as a regular addition to my daily nutrition, but it also is natural – a whole-food product that provides many micronutrients.

As I did my research, I kept coming across the term, isomorphism – which led me to even more research. The sound of the word – isomorphism – was completely foreign to me! One of the definitions was chemistry related and another was mathematical. OK, both were a bit too deep for me! I did find another definition which was interesting, at least to me!

I found a paper, that highlights the theory of organizations and some of its concepts such as a) open systems, b)institutionalism, c)neo-institutionalism, d)organizational fields, e) nstitutional isomorphism, and f) culture as it relates to Spirituality and the Workplace.

Here is an excerpt from the paper:

“Spirituality in this broad sense is not an optional quality which we might elect not to have. Everyone embodies a [sic] spirituality, even if it be a nihilistic or materialistic spirituality. It is also, of course, customary to use spirituality in a stricter sense for a way of life oriented around an ultimate meaning and around values other than power, pleasure, and possession. Supporting the recommendation of Mahamed et al., in a two-year empirical study based on both face-to-face interviews and survey questionnaires, Mitroff and Denton (1999b) found that 60 percent
of the participants viewed religion as an inappropriate form of expression, whereas spirituality was interpreted as a proper subject for the workplace. “

I found the article to be well written and quite interesting. Check it out here if you’d like to read more.

If you want to try your hand at Word Beads on Sentence Strings, follow the link!

In His Love and Blessings
annb

I AM

I also found this one at Miss Wisabus (found a blog I really enjoy!)

I AM … learning - every day

I WANT … a deeper faith in God, a deeper understanding of His Word

I HAVE … many blessings

I WISH I COULD … make a difference

I HATE … people who are fake

I FEAR … losing my loved ones

I HEAR … silence, much of the time

I SEARCH … for serenity and peace in my life

I DON’T THINK … I've reached my potential

I REALLY … am trying to look at people and things through God's eyes

I REGRET … decisions I've made

I LOVE … spending time with my family

I ACHE FOR … people who have been hurt by someone they love(d)

I ALWAYS CRY … when I feel sad

I AM NOT … an extrovert

I DANCE … in private

I SING … in worship and to small children

I NEVER … before, thought I was enough

I RARELY … go out - except to my daughter's

I CRY WHEN I WATCH … Beaches, Hallmark and coffee commercials

I AM NOT ALWAYS … social

I HATE THAT … I judge myself and have difficulty meeting people

I’M CONFUSED ABOUT … the things going on in my life right now

I NEED … a good job!

I SHOULD … spend more time with God and more time in His Word

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Perception Personality Image Test

I found this at Miss Wisabus and decided to take it myself! Try it out and see what it shows you!

Your result for The Perception Personality Image Test...

HFPS - The Humanitarian

Humanity, Foreground, Big Picture, and Shape

You perceive the world with particular attention to humanity. You focus on what's in front of you (the foreground) and how that fits into the larger picture. You are also particularly drawn towards the shapes around you. Because of the value you place on humanity, you tend to seek out other people and get energized by being around others. You like to deal directly with whatever comes your way without dealing with speculating possibilities or outcomes you can't control. You are in tune with all that is around you and understand your life as part of a larger whole. You prefer a structured environment within which to live and you like things to be predictable.

The Perception Personality Types:

Take The Perception Personality Image Test at HelloQuizzy

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Find The Difference!

What is the Difference Between a Pathological, a Compulsive, a Chronic, and a Habitual Liar?

Pathological Liar
A pathological liar is usually defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. Pathological lying is often viewed as coping mechanism developed in early childhood and it is often associated with some other type of mental health disorder. A pathological liar is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused - it is done to get one's way). Pathological liars have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. A pathological liar often comes across as being manipulative, cunning and self-centered.

Compulsive Liar
A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (see, Pathological Liar), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship (see, how to cope with a compulsive liar).

The terms Habitual Liar and Chronic Liar are often used to refer to a Compulsive Liar.

Take a quick survey and see how your lying compares with others - compulsive lying quiz

Above information Found at Truth About Deception

Mythomania is a condition involving compulsive lying by a person with no obvious motivation.The affected person might believe their lies to be truth, and may have to create elaborate myths to reconcile them with other facts.

The definition of Mythomania from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Did you know there was a difference between the types of people who lie? Honestly, I had no idea!

When I was growing up, I was taught that a lie - is a lie - is a lie! Whether it is committed by commission or by omission, it is still a lie! It's a little frightening to think that it is so rampant in our society that they have actually catagorized the people who lie! Mythomania? They even have a medical term to deal with people who lie so much they believe their own lies! Scary!!

I can't honestly say that I have not told a few white lies. You know, the kind most people excuse. Why do we excuse them? I think it's become such a common practice to tell a white lie when you really need to - for practical purposes, you know!

Lying is something that really bothers me. Lying is, of course, done to cover up some action or to make yourself look better in other people's eyes. I'm not really sure why people believe that they need to look better to other's to be accepted. God accepts as we are and wants truth from us - always.

Psalm 101 (New Life Version)
A Song Of Praise
1) I will sing of loving-kindness and of what is right and fair. I will sing praises to You, O Lord.

2) I will be careful to live a life without blame. When will You come to me? I will walk within my house with a right and good heart.

3) I will set no sinful thing in front of my eyes. I hate the work of those who are not faithful. It will not get hold of me.

4)A sinful heart will be far from me. I will have nothing to do with sin.

5)I will stop whoever talks against his neighbor in secret. I will not listen to anyone who has a proud look and a proud heart.

6)My eyes will look with favor on the faithful in the land, so they may serve me. He who walks without blame will help me.

7)He whose ways are false will not live in my house. He who tells lies will not stand in front of me.

8)I will destroy all the sinful in the land every morning. I will cut off all those who do wrong from the city of the Lord.

Sinful man tends to give preference to models that rationalize his lawlessness and desire for absolute self-sovereignty (what feels right), rather than on the basis of a transcendent moral order that enables the human soul. The goal is truth, not excuse.
Found at Faith Facts

I have found that the worst hurt, at least to me, comes from being lied to by people who profess to be followers of Christ. When they continually embellish or excuse their untruths, it is a deeper scar that remains. We should be able to trust those in the body of Christ - especially those who know God's word and speak it publicly. But you know, just because someone can cite scripture doesn't mean they live it!

I try to pray daily for the Holy Spirit to speak through me and when I allow that to happen - I know the Holy Spirit doesn't lie!

In His Love and Blessings
annb

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What Would You Do?

August 7, 2008

If you were walking down the street and found a $10.00 bill lying on the ground - would you pick it up? Would you keep it? Okay, what if you were in the checkout line and the checker gave you too much change - would you keep it or return it? What if you “accidentally” took something, along with things honestly given to you, that you knew was not for you - would you keep it anyway?

I think sometimes it’s easy to say we would do the right thing - but would we, really?

I was brought up in a family that had little - little money, few “extras” and I never knew that we had so little - until I was grown! My family was never materialistic. We never were in competition to have the best or “keep up with the Joneses”. I’m so thankful for that.

When someone generously gives me something, I want people to know where it came from and how I received it. I want them to know that nothing in this life comes from me - it all comes from God. It all comes from God, whether it is purchased by money I earn working or from the generosity of others! I believe that to accept a gift without that spirit of thankfulness is wrong!

I can’t imagine accepting something, erroneously, that was not meant for me but still keeping it and using it as if it was intended for me! If we know that a mistake has been made - no matter how small we perceive it to be - shouldn’t we make it right? Shouldn’t we make sure that we’ve done what needs to be done to ensure that the rightful owner has what was intended for him?

I don’t understand when people make excuses for things they do and believe those excuses make it right. I don’t understand why the feelings of other people mean nothing! I don’t understand where love plays into a situation in which respect, loyalty and love are thrown out the window - because the “things” are more important!

I’m thankful to God for each and everything I have in this life. I’m owed nothing and deserve even less - but God blesses me over and over! I pray that I never take this for granted. I pray that I always remember why I have the things that I have! I pray that my heart and my conscience are never at a place where I think “things” are more important than people!

Thank you, God, for all the blessings in my life.

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Is It Intentional?

August 5, 2008

I posted, a while ago, about the power of words and how once spoken . . . can never be taken back! I wish people understood how their words can hurt!

My family is close - my parents have both passed away, but all six of us siblings along with spouses, children and grandchildren are close. I know that any one of them would be there - in any way. . . at any time . . . to help. I thank God for my family and the relationship we have with each other.

Another thing about my family is that we were taught to think about the things we say to each other . . . and to others - before saying it! I’m afraid it’s not that way in every family . . . and in fact, not in the family of someone I care deeply about.

This someone I care about has been hurt - once again - by family members. I don’t understand and will never understand how someone can be so unfeeling about their own! I wish he didn’t have to be hurt by them! I wish when this person is told something by another member of the family - that that something actually happened!

I also wish members of that family did not treat this person as an outsider! I wish this person was not publicly ostracized by the family!

I know that all of us fall short and, at times, unintentionally say things that hurt. There are other words that mean a lot as well - “I’m sorry” . . . “I made a mistake” . . . “I’ll make it happen - because I told you it would . . . “I regard you as highly as everyone else in this family!”

When you treat another person disrespectfully over and over again - it’s not an accident . . . it’s not a mistake . . . it’s a choice!

I’m not perfect - nor will I ever be! I will never even be close! Thankfully, God knows my heart and I pray - without ceasing, that He will direct my words and my mind. I’m thankful that He placed me in “my” family and I learned the “Power of Words” and to think about the effect my words will have on another person - before I speak!

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Prayer - How Powerful

July 31, 2008

During the Last Supper, Jesus prayed for himself and then he prayed for the disciples. And then, with the hour of his death approaching, he took time to pray for us. He prayed for all those who would believe through the ministry of the disciples, and that means each one of us.

This is what he told God:

“My prayer is not for them alone.

I pray also for those who will believe in me

through their message,

that all of them may be one, Father,

just as you are in me and I am in you.

May they also be in us so that the world

may believe that you have sent me.
I have given them the glory that you gave me,

that they may be one as we are one:

I in them and you in me.

May they be brought to complete unity

to let the world know that you sent me

and have loved them even as you have loved me.
Father, I want those you have given me

to be with me where I am,

and to see my glory,

the glory you have given me

because you loved me

before the creation of the world."

(John 17:20-24)

Jesus prays for us still.

“Therefore he is able to save completely

those who come to God through him,

because he always lives to intercede for them”

(Hebrews 7:25)

Do you ever think that Jesus prays for us? How awesome is that! Prayer is powerful and how much more powerful does it feel to know that He intercedes for us!

These last few months I have experienced a season of change! I’m not a big fan of change - normally, but I do have to say that this season has also been one of learning for me. I have learned more about myself than probably at any other time in my life.

One of the struggles brought about by all the changes was the need to find employment. God, once again, has shown me that He is in control! I’ve experienced many “highs” during this season, but also many “lows”. These changes are not what I would have chosen for myself, but I honestly have to say that I am thankful for the challenges because they’ve brought me to a place I’ve never been before in my life.

There is a position I applied for about a month ago that was the same type work I’ve been doing, but at another facility. It is a position that I have wanted since I first heard about the opening. I have been praying for God to lead me to the job where I could best serve and yesterday, I received a call from this facility to set up an interview for the job.

I’m saying a prayer of thanksgiving. My opinion is that when job hunting - the greatest opportunity comes with the interview! Another this season has taught me is to have confidence in myself and in my abilities. Granted, this is a “work in progress” - but I do believe more in myself (thanks, J and Dr S) than I probably ever have before and know that I can convey that belief in an interview.

J has provided me with many tools that have helped me learn so much about myself. I know that God put J in my life at a time when I needed Him most and He has continued working through her in my journey. She (and Dr S) have helped me to see that I am capable of so much more than I ever believed and have provided me with the tools to achieve so much!

Oh, and I also start a job tomorrow - so I am ready, willing and able to follow God’s lead. I know that He will go before me and I will be in the best place to serve!

In His Love and Blessings
annb

I Can't Predict The Future

July 15, 2008

I had a comment today, from someone I love, that I’ve decided not to post. It’s not because the comment made is not valid, because it is. It’s just that this is my personal blog where I choose the subject to write about and I choose to write my feelings here.

The separation between my husband and myself is difficult - and has caused a great deal of pain. I don’t point blame because there’s enough blame for the failure of our marriage - for both of us. I choose not to write about the reasons for the separation here, because I feel that it’s a very private matter between just the two of us and don’t feel it appropriate to share it with others.

I want to say that my husband is a good man with a huge heart! That has never been an issue, but that’s all I’m going to say! I want the very best for him always.

I don’t write about his pain and his difficulties because I don’t live it! I live with my own - and that’s all I can manage to deal with now. I was the one to leave our home - but it was a choice made after a lot of thought, a lot of crying, time spent in prayer, trying to find a reason to belive that things would be better - I still came to the same conclusion.

I certainly am not without blame! What I hold onto now is God’s love and his mercy. I, too, am alone. I, too, am in pain. We are still married, but living apart and I don’t know what the future holds. Only God knows and I believe that He will guide me in the direction and down the paths that are right.

In His Love and Blessings
annb

What Happens When?

July 11, 2008

What happens when you think you have your life planned in a certain way and suddenly that life no longer exists? What happens when everything you thought you were certain of - in this life - is gone? What happens when the people you thought you could always count on provide confirmation that they are not now, and maybe never were really there?

My life, especially since the beginning of this year, seems to be full of “what happens when” events. I live alone - in an apartment instead of on the acreage that belonged to my parents. I had four children for the last 19 years and suddenly feel like I only have two! I had five grandchildren and suddenly it seems like I have one! I had a job I loved for over a year and now am in the process of finding another one - hopefully closer to home. I shared in a two-income family and am now living on about 1/3 of the income to which I had become accustomed.

Some days it seems as if the many ”what happens when” changes in my life will just consume me - crush me until I can no longer breath - no longer get up - no longer find myself because of all of “it”! Some days I am okay and know that things will be better. I do get up! I do breath. I am working to find myself - even in the midst of “it”!

I have real fear of seeking relationships with other people. It is so much easier, so much safer to be alone. I truly am so tired of being hurt! I sometimes wonder how many times can I be hurt and still be expected to continue?

And then, once again, He is there! Almighty God who loves me for who I am! God who provides the strength I need to approach new relationships, without fear of being rejected or hurt, even though that seems impossible to me! I know that through Him I can continue - I can do all things!

“The things which are impossible with men

are possible with God.”

Luke 18:27

When I think about the prospect of a new job - the searching, applying and the interviews - I sometimes worry. I worry about the impression I will make on potential employers. I worry about starting again at 50 years of age. I also know that God will direct my paths.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He shall direct your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5, 6

I am learning every day to trust - putting all my trust in the Lord, but also learning to trust others. Learning to consider that other people can be trustworthy and can accept me for who I am. Learning to open my heart to the possibility of true friendship. Learning to open my heart!

I have hope in the future. I know that there will be peace and calm for me. I know that Elizabeth, Michael, Addy and Chance, as well as my brothers and sisters are my anchors. I know that Dr S and J will continue to help me learn the things that have brought me to this point and will also help me learn the coping skills I need to live.

Most of all I know that God will never leave me -

“For He Himself has said,

I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Hebrews 13:5

My faith and my hope is in Him because “what happens when” I lay it all at the cross, I am blessed beyond measure!

“But may the God of all grace,

who called us to His eternal glory

by Christ Jesus,

after you have suffered a while,

perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.”

I Peter 5:10

In His Love and Blessings
annb

The Power of "Words"

June 18, 2008 Reckless words pierce like a sword,but the tongue of the wise brings healing.Proverbs 12:18

When I was young, I can remember my Grandma saying to us, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” At that time I really didn’t comprehend the full reasoning behind that statement. As I’ve gotten older, I understand it all too well!

My first marriage was one of abuse - physical, verbal, emotional. It lasted four years, without one week going by that I didn’t wear the bruises my husband gave me. The feelings of that time, many years ago, are still with me today - as fresh and as raw as they were then. I can remember how hurtful were the things he would say to me - even more so than the beatings. I always knew the bruises and the injuries would heal, but the words hung in the air all around me.

Words spoken can never be erased. Once spoken they are always there - waiting to be brought forward and felt over and over again! Waiting for the opportune moment to tell you, once again, that what you have been told is “truth” that you are worthless and your life has no meaning.

23 A wise man’s heart guides his mouth,

and his lips promote instruction.

24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb,

sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Proverbs 16

So many years of hurtful words have scarred me. Actions that caused me physical and emotional pain have left me feeling empty - wondering if I am worthy of being loved. I’m thankful that I have the love of our Lord to sustain me - to fill up the emptiness. I am working now to increase my knowledge of Him - to become closer in my relationship to God. To grasp the fact that He can love me and will never leave me!

Some days are more difficult than others. I’ve really been struggling the past three weeks. Where would I be without faith and the support I have from those closest to me. I don’t know. I don’t want to know because I would surely be lost.

7 A fool’s mouth is his undoing,

and his lips are a snare to his soul.

8 The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;

they go down to a man’s inmost parts.

9 One who is slack in his work

is brother to one who destroys.

Proverbs 18

I pray that before I speak - I will always think about my words. Think about the affect they have on someone else.

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Goodbyes

June 7, 2008

Another one of my aunts died this week. I have so many beautiful memories of her from childhood . . . and later. I always saw her as a lovely lady – inside and out. She always was dressed nicely and had her hair and makeup done no matter when I saw her. I think she must have gotten up every morning – before her husband, so that she would be beautiful for him when he woke. She was always loving and kind.

The family will be meeting tonight at the funeral home. I’m assuming there is a memorial service for us tonight and then the burial is scheduled for tomorrow.

Earlier this week, was the funeral service for a man I had known for over 20 years. He was the minister that performed Jody’s and my wedding, but he was more than that. He was kind and understanding and easy to talk to, as was his wife. I didn’t ask to go to the funeral because of everything going on at work right now, and now feel sad that I didn’t go. I would have liked to show that respect for him and for his family.

In His Love and Blessings
annb

He Fashioned My Days

June 4, 2008

Did you ever think getting stopped by the police for speeding could be a blessing? Well, it was for me!

As I left work today, Elizabeth called me and then Addy wanted to talk, so she and I talked for 3 or 4 miles. I will be the first to admit that I am not good at talking on the phone while driving because I tend to want to listen - really listen to my caller and don’t check my speedometer. I pay attention to the traffic around me, but can’t tell you the speed I’m going while talking.

As Addy and I were talking, I saw a police car sitting beside the road just ahead, shooting his radar. I knew immediately that I was speeding. As I drove by him, he pulled out onto the road, but didn’t turn his lights on, so I thought maybe he didn’t have his radar on after all! Wrong!

He waited until the vehicle between us turned and then when he was directly behind me, turned on his lights. I pulled over and it took him quite a while to get clearance - because of the traffic - to get out of his car. He came to my window and asked for my DL and Insurance verification and said he stopped me because he clocked me at 53 in a 40 mph zone. I told him I knew that I must have been speeding. He asked me how my driving record is and I could honestly tell him, it was perfect. I have not had a ticket since I was 18 - am 50 now and have never had a speeding ticket in my entire life!

He told me he would be back in a bit and went to his car. He came back in what seemed like forever! and said he was only going to give me a warning. I thanked him and went on my way! How awesome is that?! I still have no speeding tickets - ever! He was really nice and told me to have a good evening as he let me go.

It really brightened my day! I know that probably sounds a little weird, but you would have to be living my life to understand. The past two weeks have been very difficult and I was beginning to find myself taking each and everything “difficult” thing in my life personally . . . Deciding that I was having difficulty because of “something” that “somehow” must be my fault! Satan has really been working overtime in my life these last few weeks, but today my “scrape” with the law (hee, hee) helped me see much more clearly!

As I think about my feelings through these times and how everything in my life seems to be closing in - suffocating me, my thoughts after being stopped were different. I felt a renewed sense of God’s grace in my life. I know that He is carrying me through these times and He is still in control. On my way to work this morning, as I drove I prayed - giving it all to God.

“O Lord my God, in You I put my trust;”

Psalm 7:1

I had to lay it at His feet because I can’t carry it myself! This afternoon showed me that Grace abounds all around me and in my life!

Sometimes, it becomes hard to focus on that - but I’m working at it. J has taught me so many things, so many coping skills for when I start to feel overwhelmed. A year ago - even six months ago, I would have just fallen deeper and deeper into the “pit”.

I can’t imagine my life without God - without the Grace and Mercy that He affords me! It’s such a blessing to know that I’m not in control! Wow! What a mess that would be! He knows my heart. He knows my life. He knew me before I was. I am blessed beyond measure!

Psalm 139
1) “O Lord, You have searched me and know me. 2) You know my sitting down and my rising up; 3) You comprehend my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4) For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. 5) You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. 6) Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.”
13) For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. 14) I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. 15) My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret.
16) Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.”

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Wind Can Be Beautiful

May 24, 2008

Memorial Weekend – I’m so ready! This has been kind of a tough week. Last Saturday was my last meeting with J until she gets the okay from the state – Licensing and all. The fact that I would not be meeting with her for a while (hopefully a short “while”) may have contributed to my feelings of stress!

She has provided me with many tools to us when I begin to feel overwhelmed or depressed and I’ve been able (pretty much) to use those tools this week to help me get through the “not so easy” times. I’m trying to focus on God’s love and promises and remembering that He is always with me and will guide me if I just “be still and listen”!

Last Sunday, at church, I went into the women’s class and really enjoyed it. The leader of the group had called me on Saturday before Mother’s Day and told me about the group and encouraged me to join them. It was great! They made me feel extremely welcome and seem to be a great group of women – willing to share experiences and advice on many subjects. I’m looking forward to meeting with them again on Sunday!

Monday night was Chance’s graduation at the Cox Center. I didn’t want to have to drive and park downtown, so I rode with Elizabeth and Michael. We met Jody, Toni, Blake, Nick, Candace and their three kids, before the graduation, at a restaurant downtown. That was an experience in itself! The service was really bad! I will not be going there again! They completely forgot Elizabeth’s and Addy’s meals – never brought them out!

Toni and I had been sharing our dinners with Addy and Elizabeth, at least, had a salad before we had to leave. Michael and I left before the others to walk over to the Convention Center and save enough seats for everyone. We were able to get on the front row to the side of the seniors – not the best, but not the worst either. We had a total of 20 people, which was great! My sister-in-law and her mother drove the 3-hour trip with my two young nephews, which meant a lot to me. My brother had been called out, for work, to a very serious situation that afternoon and was not able to attend, but S’s mom stepped in to help so that S wouldn’t be alone with the two boys.

I really like her mom – very kind and gracious lady! My older sister came with her daughter, who was in the band. My younger sister, her husband, two daughters and their husbands all came. Jody, Toni, Blake, Candace and baby Gabby were with us, too. Nick had left from the restaurant to take the two older boys home.

I have not felt the separation between our family more than I did Monday night! Jody and the girls sat on one end while the rest of us sat at the other end of the rows. Blake sat beside me most of the night, which was nice for me – but a little heartbreaking, as well. He brought his cell phone with him and wanted to put me in as a “contact”. I told him how nice that was and that he could call me anytime! He asked me my name and, of course, I responded with, “You know my name, I’m Grandma!” He then said, “No, I have too many Grandma’s, what’s your real name?” That hurt that he doesn’t want to call me Grandma. Of course, I got teary-eyed and had to get a tissue from someone else – all the while trying not to let anyone see me crying!

When the ceremony ended, sisters (sister-in-law included) and J – S’s mom – were going to go down for pictures with Chance. I looked around for Jody and the girls, but they were gone! They didn’t go down to meet with Chance or have pictures – something we did when each of them graduated. That hurt, too! I know they’re dealing with a lot, too, and each of us has to deal with things our own way. All of these things put me “in a funk” for a couple of days, but I kept thinking about the things J had told me to do in case I began to feel this way and that really helped!

Each day, I made myself get up, make the bed, go to work – even when all I wanted to do was stay home, pull the covers over my head and not “deal” with life! This “long” weekend, I will be making myself some charts to hang around the house – things I need to do each day whether I feel like it or not! J gave me some “templates” that will help me get going with this project. I know it will help.

I’ve been having some trouble with my vision and finally decided to see a specialist this week. It’s not a “new” problem, but one that seems to be getting worse with time. I have “floaters” and have had them for some time, but they are now constantly in my line of vision which is pretty annoying. I’ve also developed some cloudiness in one of my eyes which is definitely affecting my vision!

Now, of course, for insurance to pay for a visit to the specialist you first have to see your PCP and get a referral! So, Wednesday afternoon I saw my PCP and she was able to get me in Thursday to see the specialist. He saw the floaters and said there’s not really anything to do about them. He also said I have cataracts in both eyes (I think that now makes me officially old!), but there’s nothing I need to do about them now, but maybe later! He said glasses would help and wrote me a prescription for NO-LINE BIFOCALS! Yes, confirmation that I am definitely now old!!!

Anyway, I’ll pick up my glasses next week – at a cost of almost $400.00!! The good news I got from my PCP – my health is great! My blood pressure was 118/82 and my heart rate was 63! Not bad for an ol’ lady! I was definitely pleased.

I’m pluggin’ on each day and things really are so much better. Living with only myself is a good thing and I’m making it my home more and more each day! If I could get all my boxes unpacked and everything in it’s own place – that would be great! Patience is a virtue, right?

Well, the devil continues to work at pulling me away from God in ways that I never expect. Work today proved to be his “crowning moment” for me! Something hit me at work today so hard that I’ve not caught my breath yet. My long “holiday” weekend will be spent in much prayer and study and trying to keep myself focused. It was something I never expected and I can’t even talk about it! I talked to Elizabeth and to my friend, Gina from work, but I won’t share it with anyone else.

I am trying to be trusting and allowing people in to “my comfort space” a little at a time, but it’s very difficult for me. Sometimes it feels like as I begin to relax and allow someone a little closer, I get the wind knocked out of me!

I am trusting that all things will work together for good! I trust the Lord and He is always faithful to lead me - if I will listen! I will be listening a lot lately - I definitely am in need of prayer.

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Elizabeth and "Grace"

May 13, 2008

My daughter, Elizabeth, posts at http://homeschoolmommyfromoklahoma.blogspot.com/ and posted today on Grace. She is very passionate about God, forgiveness, Grace, homeschooling, adoption, motherhood and many other subjects. I think you would find her site very interesting.
She talks about Grace and how it is given to us by God - even though none of us deserve it. She talks about how freely she is able to give Grace and I am amazed, as always, by her wisdom. She seems so young to be so wise, but then I think about her life and know that she has been through a lot and has learned many lessons. She teaches me - even though I’m the mom.

She also talked about, in her post today, that even when we are able to forgive - it doesn’t mean that we have to remain in a place where we’ve been hurt, neglected, abused or injured. It has taken me many years to understand that I have many wounds to heal from not understanding. My meetings with J are helping so much and yet, I know - I have so much more to learn. I never understood the significance of events and experiences in my life that still affect me today. I am learning how events and experiences have shaped me into the person I am today. How those experiences helped determine the choices I’ve made along the way.

I am working on understanding that other people’s opinions don’t matter. God is my judge and it is to Him that I will answer as I stand before Him on the day of judgement. I do know that no matter what choices I’ve made, both good and bad don’t - in themselves determine who I am or what I can do with my life. God also gave me free will to make the choices.

The separation from my husband is difficult at times. He and I are not the only ones involved, nor the only ones who are hurt by all of this. It has an effect on my children as well. My children should now and should always have been accepted as my husband’s family - even as his children were accepted into mine. I have never understood how anyone can not love a child - even when that child is the exact opposite of who they are!

Jody and I married knowing that he brought into the marriage two daughters and I brought into the marriage one daughter. We knew that and accepted that we would all be a family together. He and I never treated our children differently - they were all equal in our eyes. Eleven months after we married, we had our son. Now, we thought it would be easier “blending” our family. I’ve never felt like those feelings changed for either of us. We were both still parents to four children - His, Mine and Ours!

Elizabeth, Michael and Addy still call Jody regularly. Their love and attachment to him have not changed - even with the separation. I’m glad they still feel that he is part of their family, too. Jody was the first Dad Elizabeth ever knew. Jody is Addy’s “PaPa” - and I hope that never changes, either. Chance and I talk every day. I miss him terribly, but when I moved he decided to stay there to finish high school. Besides, he was 18 and old enough to decide. He’s such a great kid. I can’t imagine my life without either of them.

I can’t imagine my life - what it would have been like without Toni and Candace either. We had some pretty tough times, especially in the beginning. It was hard for them, I’m sure. If they “liked” me, they felt they were being wrong to their mother and they loved their mother. They surely never wanted to do anything to hurt her. I never wanted to take her place - just be given a place for myself in their lives.

I miss them. I talk to Candace sporadically now. She and I used to talk about every other day. She would call to tell me little things that the kids had done and I loved hearing about them - no matter how small. I love my grandchildren - all five of them. I remember when Blake was born - Toni even allowed me to be in the delivery room! It was so exciting! As he grew, I took so many pictures of him - he is my first grandchild. Candace’s boys are so cute and I love to see them and talk with them. I haven’t been able to be with Gabby much - I’m afraid she won’t know me.

I have, at times, questioned my decision - but believe that I’ve done the right thing, for myself and for Jody. It is a separation because of death - death of our marriage. We let too many things and too many people into our hearts, but the result was not what we thought it would be. We wanted our family to grow together in love and commitment - but Jody and I were judged negatively as parents, our wants and desires for our family scoffed at and not honored. It affected us all. It caused friction and failure.

My focus now is forgiveness, Grace and learning. What’s past is past and I am trying to keep that foremost in my mind. I am learning about myself and discovering where I can go from here! I know that God will give me wisdom and strength and direct my path - if I will just “Be Still and Listen”.

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Storm, Subway & Freezers

May 2, 2008

What an evening this has been! Elizabeth and Michael have applied for adoption through DHS and started classes tonite - lasting for the next month - as part of the adoption process. I will be keeping Addy for them on most of the nights they have class. After work today, I drove down here - almost home - to meet them at the location of their class and picked up Addy to keep for the evening. She and I then drove to Choctaw to have dinner with Chance and then go visit her cousins - Candace and Nick’s kiddos.

We made it to Subway and had almost finished out dinner when the tornado warnings began! We watched it rain, hail and the rotation of a major wall cloud . . . right over the restaurant! It really was awesome to see the clouds rolling and churning - trying to form a tornado! The sirens went off at least twice - two separate times - because of the possibility of a tornado forming from that wall cloud. We stayed at Subway until it was all clear. At one point the district manager called the store and told the workers to get everyone - including the customers - into the walk-in freezer! We never did go into it - but positioned ourselves right outside of it - close enough to get in if necessary.

Poor little Addy got scared a couple of times, but the girl working was so sweet to her. She let her go in the back with her and showed her the freezer we would go into if a tornado came. When we left Addy gave her a big hug!

It was great to spend time with Chance. I really miss him. I love to hear about his life and everything he’s doing. I’m glad that we have the relationship we share - I can’t imagine life without him!

Once the storm passed, Addy and I went to Candace’s to see the kids. It was fun to see them and especially fun for Addy to get to play with them for awhile. They hadn’t seen each other in a while and had a great time together. They’re so sweet.

Yesterday at my aunt’s funeral service they shared some pictures of her one of the pictures they showed is also one of the best “treasures” I hold inside of my great-aunt (whose hands are pictured), of my grandmother (sister to great-aunt) and of my mother and my aunt (mother’s sister)! They all are such amazing women, full of love for God and family. We now have only my aunt - each of the other’s has passed on - to a life eternal with our Lord!

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Life - It Is!

May 1, 2008

I attended another family funeral today - #5 in the last year and a half. I had an uncle pass away the end of 2006, an aunt Dec 2006, my mom Feb 2007, an uncle three weeks ago and my great-aunt on Monday. Her funeral was today.

I know that being 50 it is inevitable that there will be more losses in my life, but that doesn’t make it easier! I have a big family which, of course, means the possibility of even more. It is - because each life here must end. What a blessing to know that for those who accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, death of this earthly life is not the end!

I just feel like I have been grieving for so long now - the death of my mother, the deaths of other family and the death of my marriage. I think, though, that my marriage died a long time ago - but I grieve it still.

I’m still in therapy with J, still seeing Dr. S, still in Stress Management Class and still trying to get settled in my apartment. I live with myself and only myself. I am enjoying the peace and quiet and feeling better all the time. The hardest part of all of this is not having Chance with me. We talk every day - I miss him. He’s very affectionate when we get to see each other and called Monday evening “just to talk”! What an awesome young man he is!

He had his hair cut today - still maintaining the mohawk! He and I both go to the same stylist and she texted me after doing his hair to let me know everything she had done and how much it would be for the day. I will go out tomorrow to pay her and see Chance. She also told me how much she loves Chance! She always tells me how polite he is and how funny and smart! Of course, I know these things but I never tire of hearing them from someone else! I can’t imagine my life without him!

I’m learning to do many things that I never thought I could do - I’ve always had someone else to do them for me - for 50 years! Since moving into my apartment I have installed a PUR water filter on my kitchen sink which was no easy feat, believe me! I actually had to go to the hardware store to buy an adapter for the faucet because the filter would not fit directly onto the faucet! Yeah, I did that by myself, too!

Finances are a major issue with me - especially since I’ve not been on my own for many years. I have “socked” away some savings and am trying to be smart about my purchases for the apartment. When I moved out of the home my husband and I shared I didn’t take much from there. Of course, I took all of my things - clothing, jewelry, etc. I just didn’t take much furniture because Jody and Chance would still be living there and would need it. So, I’ve had to purchase a few things, like a computer desk and some bookcases which had to be assembled.

My most recent assembly job was my computer desk and it looks great and is sturdy, as well! I never imagined I would be doing these things myself. It feels good to know that I am able to do it!

Things are going well for me. I am learning new coping skills to us when I feel myself becoming depressed or anxious. They are great tools and I have already put them to use! I have also lost 16 lbs since the beginning of March! I know that I’ve made the right decisions regarding my life. Work is going well. Performance evaluations are complete and now we just wait to see if we get a raise! I’m not worried - but praying!

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Love - Out of the Mouths of Babes

April 25, 2008

I am still moving - well, everything is inside my apartment, but I’m still emptying boxes, arranging furniture, and trying to get settled in and make it “home”. I don’t have much time to blog so I’m just posting on some great emails I’ve received lately from friends. Hope you enjoy!

I have some amazing friends and love to get email from them. This was sent to me from one of those friends!

What Love means to a 4-8 year old . . …

Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. From the mouth of babes.
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, ‘What does love mean?’

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
See what you think:

‘When my grandmother got arthritis,

she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore

So my grandfather does it for her all the time,

even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’
Rebecca- age 8

‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.

You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’
Billy - age 4

‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume

and a boy puts on shaving cologne

and they go out and smell each other.’
Karl - age 5

‘Love is when you go out to eat

and give somebody most of your French fries

without making them give you any of theirs.’
Chrissy - age 6

‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’
Terri - age 4

‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy

and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’
Danny - age 7

‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,

you still want to be together and you talk more.

My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss’
Emily - age 8

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.’
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,’
Nikka - age 6(we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)
‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.’
Noelle - age 7

‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends

even after they know each other so well.’
Tommy - age 6

‘During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared.

I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’
Cindy - age 8

‘My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’
Clare - age 6

‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’
Elaine-age 5

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty

and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’
Chris - age 7

‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’
Mary Ann - age 4

‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me

all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’
Lauren - age 4

‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down

and little stars come out of you.’ (what an image)
Karen - age 7

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.’
Mark - age 6

‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it.

But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’
Jessica - age 8

. . . And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, ‘Nothing, I just helped him cry’

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Fresh Start Monday!

April 15, 2008

The beginning of another week! Time to start over again - fresh and ready to face the world, right? Whatever!

Saturday Elizabeth, Michael and I went to my uncle’s funeral. The funeral was tough, but I saw so many family members - some that I had not seen in years! The church, where my aunt and uncle attend had a luncheon, for the family, before the funeral. We got there about 11:00 and the funeral started at 2:00, so we had a lot of time to visit with family and that part was great!

My uncle was such a sweet, loving man who had given his life to God many years ago. He was a great example for others. He and his wife were married in 1944 and have four sons, their wives and nine grandchildren. He will definitely be missed.

Saturday evening, Elizabeth was hosting a baby shower for one of her daycare moms. She had already changed the time from 10:00 am to 4:00 pm and then when my uncle died, it was changed to 5:00 pm. We didn’t go to the cemetery because we knew we would not be able to make it back in time to finish the errands we needed to finish and be ready for the shower at 5:00. Of course, you can never plan for delays.

We left the funeral, in Maysville, and got on the highway about 3:00. Two hours later we were arriving in Purcell - about 12 miles distance! The highway was backed up - at a standstill most of the time because of road work (which by the way we never did see any work happening!). So, of course, instead of getting home by 3:30, 3:45 as we had planned, we did not walk into the house until 5:20! All of the guests arrived before we did!

Luckily, Elizabeth has a great husband and she had him doing the things that she and I had planned to do when we got home. She also had the help of her friend/neighbor and even Addy’s Daddy. By the time we got home most things had been done, but I still had to fix the appetizer I had planned because there was no recipe which meant I was the only one who could do it. The friend/neighbor chopped all the veggies I needed to put in it, so that saved a lot of time. The shower was a success - even with all the issues! Thank you, Lord, for understanding friends!

Sunday, I went to a church I had not attended before. I really like the service and the mission of the church and am sure I will be going again. Sunday the sermon was on “giving”. Not always the best sermon for guests, but this time it was okay. They are working on funding a ministry for children and adults with disabilities and a building for handling those with special needs - classroooms, restrooms, etc. I thought it was a great idea and one that is needed today. They already have a program called “gifting and lifting”, which really touched my heart.

One of the women in the church came forward with her son, who is a special needs adult (not sure if it was an injury or illness), but he also spoke. He works every Sunday passing out the bulletin to members and guests as they come into the building. His mother asked him why he did this and he answered, “Because everyone needs to know how much God loves them.”

His mother spoke about having to have someone stay at home each worship service because she and her husband, physically, were not able to lift their son and his wheelchair into their truck to transport him to church. The man in charge of the new ministry called her one day and asked if it would be all right if he came by and lifted her son and his chair for them so they could attend church together . . . As a family! Since that time, they always have someone who comes by and makes sure Caleb gets lifted into the truck and is able to take his place as “greeter” when the doors open at the church building. How awesome is that! I can’t imagine a ministry worth more than that!

I meet with Julie tonight. Tomorrow night is my Stress Management group and I will be moving over the weekend. It’s going to be a busy week!

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Peace and Serenity

April 10, 2008

My Uncle L passed away this afternoon. I knew Sunday, when I saw him, that it would not be long. My brother called me about an hour after he passed. I talked to my Aunt a bit later and she said his passing was very peaceful. She said she was able to hold him in her arms, tell him goodbye and he passed while she held him. I think being at home, surrounded by those who love you must be the best way to pass. So much better than being in a sterile hospital environment. I know what a blessing it was to have my Mom at home and to have the family with her at the end of her life on this earth.

It’s rainy here - actually, stormy! When I left work at 5:00 it was raining and had been for some time. The roads were flooded in some areas, there were traffic lights out - blinking red in all directions, my car was on empty and I had an appt to get my hair cut at 5:30! I made it to my appt at 5:45. After I got my hair cut, I went by Candace’s to see the kids for a bit. Gabby has grown so much since I last saw her.

Chance had asked me for some money to help him out with prom expenses, so I went by his job to leave him some money. He’s just the most awesome kid and I love him dearly. He even hugged me - right there at work - in public! It just doesn’t get much better than that!

Two weeks ago, I started attending a six week class on Stress Management. It’s a small group, but it’s great! We all seem to click and this week (we meet on Tuesday evening), we found that we all had so much in common! I see it as another blessing - God preparing my way and placing people in my life as I need them. I am learning some good coping techniques and also learning more about myself. We took a test on the first evening that actually gave a score to our stress level. We each were way above the maximum score given! A little scary - but at least I know where I need work!

Just 9 more days until move-in day! I have so many emotions going through me at the thought of living on my own and supporting myself . . . . alone! Some good - some scary, but overall I think I’m ready. I guess I’ll find out.

One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 138:8 “God will perfect that which concerns me”. It gives me great peace to know that He is involved in every aspect of my life - no matter how small it seems.

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Life!

April 6, 2008

This past week has been pretty good overall. Thursday evening our department held a conference at the hospital, inviting practitioners, clinicians and other staff. We had an amazing speaker who provided information on Credentialing - the reasons why we are so stringent when it applies to staff at our facility. There are governing agencies, corporate policy and bylaws that determine the documentation which must be submitted by the medical staff in order to obtain or maintain privileges to work at our facility. It was really interesting for me, still somewhat of a “newbie”!

Friday, we had a staff meeting regarding the new forms for (those dreaded) Performance Evaluations which are handed out each year! Corporate had come out with a new form this year and we were given the option of using the old or the new form this year - and Boss D wanted our input. Since I started last year, I have only had my 90-day evaluation and had not really taken the time to look over the form.

The meeting was “interesting” - with several of us giving our opinion of the form and, actually, I’m not even sure of the final decision. Because of our conference the previous day, held from 4 - 6 pm, we were going to leave at 4:00, but ended up not leaving until 4:20. Still an early and much needed day for all of us!

Saturday, I met with J and then decided to stay in Edmond to do some shopping. I’m still looking for things for my new apartment - moving in two weeks! I shopped all day and found a few things at some great sales. I made my way through Target, Kohl’s, T J Maxx, Gordman’s, Bed, Bath & Beyond and a couple more!

My “oil change” light had come on in the car on Thursday and I intended to get my oil changed here in town where Michael and Elizabeth take their cars. In Edmond, yesterday, I passed by many oil change places and never thought once about pulling in, that is until about 3:00, when I passed a small oil change place that for some reason, caught my eye! It turned out to be a “fun” experience.

I pulled in and they immediately started working on the car - with me right there able to watch the whole process. I like that because I’m always a little apprehensive about being taken advantage of because I’m a woman. It certainly was not like that! They changed the oil, pulled the air filter and showed it to me. It was really dirty! It was closing time and yet they looked through the shop looking for my particular air filter and when they didn’t have it, the owner (who looked quite familiar to me) drove to a part store, brought it back and put it on my car.

While the owner, “Phil” was gone to get the filter, I was talking to the guys working on the car and discovered that Phil was my 8th grade history teacher! Now, of course, he looked a little different - after 30+ years, but I knew he looked familiar! He was one of my teachers who really made an impact on me. He was young and had only been teaching a year or two at that time and was actually still working on his degree. Can you believe - “back then” - you could teach even though you were not quite through with your degree?! Well, when he came back with the air filter, the guys told him what we had discovered and he came over and we chatted a bit about “back then”. It was fun to see him after all these years and I was also very impressed with the service I received - with or without “Mr. Phipps”. I will definitely be going back there when another 3,000 miles rolls around! If you’re ever in Edmond, America and need an oil change - I highly recommend Phipps Phast Oil Change!

Last night, about 10, my sister called to let me know that one of my Dad’s brothers was very near to the end of his life. One of my aunts who attended my niece’s wedding three weeks ago had told us that he was not doing well and had been put on morphine. I knew then that I wanted to see him, but had never taken the time to do so. All of my Dad’s brothers and their wives were an intricate part of my life - while growing up still to this day!

I told Elizabeth that I was going to go down first thing this morning to see him and my aunt and she and Michael want to see him, too! We will be leaving here about 9:00 this morning and say our goodbyes. It’s so hard to lose people we love. I know it’s a part of life and at my age, it will happen again, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I feel like I am grieving so much these days. Then end of 2006, my uncle passed and then one of my aunts and then, of course, my mom a year ago. Now I am grieving the death of my marriage and working so hard to develop positive coping skills.

I wish that I had gone to see Uncle L three weeks ago, as I had planned. I told myself I was busy, but would get there as soon as I could - even though I know I “make” time for those things that I deem a priority. I pray that I will be able to see him and tell him goodbye this morning. If ever there was a reminder not to put off seeing loved ones and letting them know how we feel about them, - this is that reminder!

After we see my uncle and my aunt, we are going shopping again! Michael and Elizabeth are looking for a new dining table and I have a couple of things I need for the apartment.
Then tomorrow, a new week starts and everthing continues as “normal”!

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Learning Stress Management Coping Skills

April 3, 2008

Last night, I went to my first - of six weekly sessions - Stress Management Class. It’s being held at the Christian Counseling Center where I meet with J, although J is not the leader of the class. I think it’s going to be a good class. It’s small - just a few people (all women) and we all seem to have a good rapport and are comfortable with each other.

Today one of my good friends sent me an email containing the following:

CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS …

An Angel says, ‘Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn’t happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.’

1. Pray

2. Go to bed on time.

3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.

4. Say No to projects that won’t fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.

5. Delegate tasks to capable others.

6. Simplify and unclutter your life.

7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)

8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.

9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don’t lump the hard things all together.

10. Take one day at a time.

11. Separate worries from concerns .. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can’t do anything about a situation, forget it.

12. Live within your budget; don’t use credit cards for ordinary purchases.

13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.

14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.

15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.

16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.

17. Get enough rest.

18. Eat right.

19 Get organized so everything has its place.

20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.

21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.

22. Every day, find time to be alone.

23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don’t wait until it’s time to go to bed to try and pray.

24. Make friends with Godly people.

25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.

26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good ‘Thank you Jesus ..’

27. Laugh.

28. Laugh some more!

29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.

30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).

31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).

32. Sit on your ego.

33 Talk less; listen more.

34. Slow down.

35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.

36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you’re grateful for that you’ve never been grateful for before.

GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.

‘If God is for us, who can be against us?’

(Romans 8:31)

In His Love and Blessings
annb

My Best "Chance"!!

April 1, 2008

A couple of weeks ago, Chance was an usher at my niece’s wedding. As you can see, he sports a different kind of “do”. He also has his lip pierced, but the bride asked him not to wear his lips rings (2) during the ceremony. (Couldn’t wear the rings, but the mohawk was okay?)

It was interesting to watch people’s reaction when they first saw Chance! Most were very accepting (and, of course, many were family) and teased Chance about his hair. Others looked at him as if they knew the person underneath the mohawk and from the expression on their face - didn’t need, or want, to know anything else about him. Some people looked at his hair and judged him as a person.

Chance is a great kid! He’s very kind, loving and intelligent. He’s also a very confident person - as you can see by his appearance! To look at him as if he were anything else is a mistake! He’s very quick-witted and funny! He has a comeback to anything thrown at him! He is one of my greatest blessings.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could all look past appearance and see others (and ourselves) as God sees each of us! None of us can know what’s inside another person unless we are allowed “in” to that person’s life. We may think we know someone - but we only know what that person allows us to know about them!

How amazing it is that God loves us no matter what we look like. God sees our heart and that’s how I want to see others! My counselor, J, has encouraged me to make a conscious effort to smile and greet others that I come in contact with each day. Where I work that is actually in our employee handbook - that we smile and greet anyone who comes within ten feet of us! That probably seems odd, but we are a hospital where patients and their families sometimes need that little bit of contact. It is something that I make an effort to do every day.

One of the things I’m struggling with right now is the separation from my husband. It is awkward for me to have to answer questions. I’m not really ready to share reasons - not yet. I don’t want to place blame - there’s enough for both of us! I won’t talk badly about my husband - there’s no reason! No one needs to know more than I am willing to share! J told me that one of the paths I need to take in my “recovery” is to stop worrying about what others may think of decisions that I have made regarding my life! No one lived my life - no one knows the issues and events in my marriage that brought us to this point. I’m okay with that! I’m learning to say, “I would rather not talk about it, thank you.”

God knows my heart. God knows my marriage. God is my sanctuary.

In His Love and Blessings
annb

Entertaining Strangers or Angels

March 30, 2008

“Do not forget to entertain strangers,
for by so doing some people have entertained
angels without knowing it.”
Hebrews 13:2

I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.”
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.”
He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!” He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. ” Thanks,” he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began, “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach . . .but mostly your friends . . . I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable..”
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.Not until that moment did I realize it’s depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions..
With one small gesture you can change a person’s life.
For better or for worse.
We are all in each others lives to impact one another in some way.
Every word we say, every expression on our face, each tone of our voice and our body language tells those with whom we come in contact a message - whether it’s a message we intended to convey or not. Please God, make me ever mindful that the impression I leave with others is the impression I intend - You, Father, living in me!

In His Love and Blessings
annb

My Saturday - March 27, 2008

I had an appt with J this morning and, as usual, I felt much better after talking to her. This week has been full of ups and downs!
After our appt, I decided to do a little shopping. Michael, Elizabeth and Addy were all away from home today, so I thought it might be more fun to go shopping rather than sit at home alone! I first went to Garden Ridge and spent a while there. There is always so much to look at!
I was looking for some picture frames for the grandkids new pictures and for Chance’s graduation pictures and I found what I was looking for there. I also found some things I wasn’t looking for! I have definitely figured out my color scheme for the apartment I’m moving into in a couple of weeks.
I found some beautiful sofa pillows and throws and decided the colors contained in those would be the color scheme I work with to decorate. I think It’s going to look great!
I went to Target next and found a couple more things and then went home. Michael and Elizabeth came home a bit later and told me to come outside. When I went out they had a Lincoln Navigator sitting in the driveway - they had been car shopping! It was really pretty, big and roomy. Elizabeth needs a bigger vehicle because during the summer, she enjoys taking Addy and the Daycare kids on field trips. She had an SUV last year that worked great, but then traded it in on a smaller car and now she’s ready to get a bigger one for summer again!
I got some laundry done and scrubbed down the bathroom, so I guess I accomplished a bit today! I’m sure there will be plenty more later!
In His Love and Blessings
annb