Memorial Weekend – I’m so ready! This has been kind of a tough week. Last Saturday was my last meeting with J until she gets the okay from the state – Licensing and all. The fact that I would not be meeting with her for a while (hopefully a short “while”) may have contributed to my feelings of stress!
She has provided me with many tools to us when I begin to feel overwhelmed or depressed and I’ve been able (pretty much) to use those tools this week to help me get through the “not so easy” times. I’m trying to focus on God’s love and promises and remembering that He is always with me and will guide me if I just “be still and listen”!
Last Sunday, at church, I went into the women’s class and really enjoyed it. The leader of the group had called me on Saturday before Mother’s Day and told me about the group and encouraged me to join them. It was great! They made me feel extremely welcome and seem to be a great group of women – willing to share experiences and advice on many subjects. I’m looking forward to meeting with them again on Sunday!
Monday night was Chance’s graduation at the Cox Center. I didn’t want to have to drive and park downtown, so I rode with Elizabeth and Michael. We met Jody, Toni, Blake, Nick, Candace and their three kids, before the graduation, at a restaurant downtown. That was an experience in itself! The service was really bad! I will not be going there again! They completely forgot Elizabeth’s and Addy’s meals – never brought them out!
Toni and I had been sharing our dinners with Addy and Elizabeth, at least, had a salad before we had to leave. Michael and I left before the others to walk over to the Convention Center and save enough seats for everyone. We were able to get on the front row to the side of the seniors – not the best, but not the worst either. We had a total of 20 people, which was great! My sister-in-law and her mother drove the 3-hour trip with my two young nephews, which meant a lot to me. My brother had been called out, for work, to a very serious situation that afternoon and was not able to attend, but S’s mom stepped in to help so that S wouldn’t be alone with the two boys.
I really like her mom – very kind and gracious lady! My older sister came with her daughter, who was in the band. My younger sister, her husband, two daughters and their husbands all came. Jody, Toni, Blake, Candace and baby Gabby were with us, too. Nick had left from the restaurant to take the two older boys home.
I have not felt the separation between our family more than I did Monday night! Jody and the girls sat on one end while the rest of us sat at the other end of the rows. Blake sat beside me most of the night, which was nice for me – but a little heartbreaking, as well. He brought his cell phone with him and wanted to put me in as a “contact”. I told him how nice that was and that he could call me anytime! He asked me my name and, of course, I responded with, “You know my name, I’m Grandma!” He then said, “No, I have too many Grandma’s, what’s your real name?” That hurt that he doesn’t want to call me Grandma. Of course, I got teary-eyed and had to get a tissue from someone else – all the while trying not to let anyone see me crying!
When the ceremony ended, sisters (sister-in-law included) and J – S’s mom – were going to go down for pictures with Chance. I looked around for Jody and the girls, but they were gone! They didn’t go down to meet with Chance or have pictures – something we did when each of them graduated. That hurt, too! I know they’re dealing with a lot, too, and each of us has to deal with things our own way. All of these things put me “in a funk” for a couple of days, but I kept thinking about the things J had told me to do in case I began to feel this way and that really helped!
Each day, I made myself get up, make the bed, go to work – even when all I wanted to do was stay home, pull the covers over my head and not “deal” with life! This “long” weekend, I will be making myself some charts to hang around the house – things I need to do each day whether I feel like it or not! J gave me some “templates” that will help me get going with this project. I know it will help.
I’ve been having some trouble with my vision and finally decided to see a specialist this week. It’s not a “new” problem, but one that seems to be getting worse with time. I have “floaters” and have had them for some time, but they are now constantly in my line of vision which is pretty annoying. I’ve also developed some cloudiness in one of my eyes which is definitely affecting my vision!
Now, of course, for insurance to pay for a visit to the specialist you first have to see your PCP and get a referral! So, Wednesday afternoon I saw my PCP and she was able to get me in Thursday to see the specialist. He saw the floaters and said there’s not really anything to do about them. He also said I have cataracts in both eyes (I think that now makes me officially old!), but there’s nothing I need to do about them now, but maybe later! He said glasses would help and wrote me a prescription for NO-LINE BIFOCALS! Yes, confirmation that I am definitely now old!!!
Anyway, I’ll pick up my glasses next week – at a cost of almost $400.00!! The good news I got from my PCP – my health is great! My blood pressure was 118/82 and my heart rate was 63! Not bad for an ol’ lady! I was definitely pleased.
I’m pluggin’ on each day and things really are so much better. Living with only myself is a good thing and I’m making it my home more and more each day! If I could get all my boxes unpacked and everything in it’s own place – that would be great! Patience is a virtue, right?
Well, the devil continues to work at pulling me away from God in ways that I never expect. Work today proved to be his “crowning moment” for me! Something hit me at work today so hard that I’ve not caught my breath yet. My long “holiday” weekend will be spent in much prayer and study and trying to keep myself focused. It was something I never expected and I can’t even talk about it! I talked to Elizabeth and to my friend, Gina from work, but I won’t share it with anyone else.
I am trying to be trusting and allowing people in to “my comfort space” a little at a time, but it’s very difficult for me. Sometimes it feels like as I begin to relax and allow someone a little closer, I get the wind knocked out of me!
I am trusting that all things will work together for good! I trust the Lord and He is always faithful to lead me - if I will listen! I will be listening a lot lately - I definitely am in need of prayer.
In His Love and Blessings
annb
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