I attended another family funeral today - #5 in the last year and a half. I had an uncle pass away the end of 2006, an aunt Dec 2006, my mom Feb 2007, an uncle three weeks ago and my great-aunt on Monday. Her funeral was today.
I know that being 50 it is inevitable that there will be more losses in my life, but that doesn’t make it easier! I have a big family which, of course, means the possibility of even more. It is - because each life here must end. What a blessing to know that for those who accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, death of this earthly life is not the end!
I just feel like I have been grieving for so long now - the death of my mother, the deaths of other family and the death of my marriage. I think, though, that my marriage died a long time ago - but I grieve it still.
I’m still in therapy with J, still seeing Dr. S, still in Stress Management Class and still trying to get settled in my apartment. I live with myself and only myself. I am enjoying the peace and quiet and feeling better all the time. The hardest part of all of this is not having Chance with me. We talk every day - I miss him. He’s very affectionate when we get to see each other and called Monday evening “just to talk”! What an awesome young man he is!
He had his hair cut today - still maintaining the mohawk! He and I both go to the same stylist and she texted me after doing his hair to let me know everything she had done and how much it would be for the day. I will go out tomorrow to pay her and see Chance. She also told me how much she loves Chance! She always tells me how polite he is and how funny and smart! Of course, I know these things but I never tire of hearing them from someone else! I can’t imagine my life without him!
I’m learning to do many things that I never thought I could do - I’ve always had someone else to do them for me - for 50 years! Since moving into my apartment I have installed a PUR water filter on my kitchen sink which was no easy feat, believe me! I actually had to go to the hardware store to buy an adapter for the faucet because the filter would not fit directly onto the faucet! Yeah, I did that by myself, too!
Finances are a major issue with me - especially since I’ve not been on my own for many years. I have “socked” away some savings and am trying to be smart about my purchases for the apartment. When I moved out of the home my husband and I shared I didn’t take much from there. Of course, I took all of my things - clothing, jewelry, etc. I just didn’t take much furniture because Jody and Chance would still be living there and would need it. So, I’ve had to purchase a few things, like a computer desk and some bookcases which had to be assembled.
My most recent assembly job was my computer desk and it looks great and is sturdy, as well! I never imagined I would be doing these things myself. It feels good to know that I am able to do it!
Things are going well for me. I am learning new coping skills to us when I feel myself becoming depressed or anxious. They are great tools and I have already put them to use! I have also lost 16 lbs since the beginning of March! I know that I’ve made the right decisions regarding my life. Work is going well. Performance evaluations are complete and now we just wait to see if we get a raise! I’m not worried - but praying!
In His Love and Blessings
annb
No comments:
Post a Comment