My Mother, My Child?!

Today I’m finding it hard to put my thoughts into words. As mother continues to get more and more confused, I find myself getting frustrated – not with her, but with the situation. She’s not able to walk very far now – only from the bed to the bathroom, which is only a few feet. In order to move her to her chair in the living room, I have to get her into the wheelchair.

After the other night, when I had to sit her down on the floor, I have been using the walker – having her stand and hold onto it while I put the wheelchair behind her. This has worked well for us except when I try to get her to sit in her chair. She’s not able to follow my instructions on how to move her feet which is increasing her fall risk, I’m afraid.

It’s almost like she is a child – except a child is easier to move if they are not yet able to move themselves. The frustration comes from not understanding how she could have lost even the ability to move her feet as instructed! We’ve not had any more close calls as far as her falling, but I do question how I am going to be able to care for her when she no longer can support herself at all.

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” I John 5:14,15

My faith in God is strong! I know that he will provide the strength I need to care for her, but I get caught up in the moment and that fear just seems to take hold of me and I doubt myself! I, for some reason, have trouble giving it completely to God and trusting in his power to guide me.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24

I know that her being here in our home is the best thing for her – and for me. The six months during last year when she was in the nursing home were horrible! She was so unhappy and they did not work with her on her diet or her medications to try to get her to a manageable existence.

She was a fall risk at the nursing home just as she is here. She did fall a couple of times. The first time she fell, they then put an alarm on her bed that sounded when she got up from the bed. I thought with the alarm she would be so much better and they would be more aware of her movements, but that didn’t happen. Each time one of us went to sit with her in the evening after work, the monitor was never activated! One of us girls was there every day to sit with her as soon as we got off work. We thought, by taking such an active role, the staff would be more apt to provide the best care possible. That didn’t happen either! When we would arrive, her bed was usually wet and she was in such a bad state – crying and left to herself.

The second time she fell (at least the 2nd time we knew of) she hurt herself pretty bad. She bruised her face so bad. This is a picture I took the next day but her face continued to bruise until the whole side of her face was bruised and swollen!

I’m sure the nursing home she was in was pretty much like every other home. They were understaffed, underpaid and the residents are not their family! The type care we wanted for Mother could only come from people who loved her and wanted the best for her. That’s when we made the decision for me to stay home and bring her back to live with us.

It’s been a strain, financially, but I’m so thankful we were able to do it. Jody is so great – never complaining about her living here. He’s very good to her. She does require a lot of my time and some nights I go to bed totally drained and he still doesn’t complain! I know that without his support, I would never be able to care for her at home.

Chance has been home all week – no school due to hazardous road conditions. To tell you how bad it’s been, he’s actually been looking forward to going back to school! He has never liked school – even from the time he was in preschool! When he says he wants to go to school – you know it’s been bad!

I’ve had Ethan every day this week – Sheila has braved the conditions and gone to work every day. I worried about her because she’s seven month’s pregnant! I worried about her falling and getting hurt, but thankfully that didn’t happen.

Wednesday proved to be a bad day for her though. Coming home from work, she slid off into a ditch – missing a telephone pole by only a couple of feet! Then, when she got to our driveway – which is a hill coming off the road – she made it up part way but then slid back down almost into the road again! She wasn’t able to move it at all for fear she would slide off into the ditch across the road. Thankfully, Randy and Kathy heard her spinning her tires and they were able to get her out by putting kitty litter down and then Randy drove the car up the hill. Isn’t family great!

I have not left this house in two weeks! I’m beginning to get a little cabin fever, but I get out today! Candace is coming to sit with Mom this afternoon so I can take Chance to the eye doctor. I’ll run by the store then to pick up a few things. That’s usually what I do when I have an opportunity to leave the house – run errands! It helps just to get out for a little bit.

China’s been cooped up in the house, too. She doesn’t like the ice and snow at all! I have to actually pick her up and set her outside the door so that she will go do her business! She stands at the door for a little bit, looking pitiful and lifting each foot up off the ice. Finally, I guess she figures out she’s not getting back in until she goes out to the yard, so she quickly runs out, does her business and runs back. She starts scratching at the door (she has been declawed, so she isn’t really scratching, but rather pounding) desperately trying to get our attention. She runs in as soon as the door opens and runs around the house – trying to get warm again!

They’re predicting snow again this weekend, so we may be spending a lot more time indoors! I never liked driving in ice and snow, so that’s one of the many perks of being able to stay at home!

Well, Mother just rang her bell for me and when I went in there, was I surprised! She has a mattress, provided by Hospice, which circulates air constantly to prevent pressure sores. When I walked in, the mattress had deflated and she was lying in the middle of it looking like she was in a half-cocoon! I checked the plug and for some reason (it’s a GFC, or whatever, that shuts off if there is anything wrong with the plug) and the plug had switched off. I tried unplugging and replugging everything, but it still wouldn’t work. I called Jody, expecting him to know exactly what was wrong even though he is miles away from home! Anyway, I ended up moving the plug to another outlet and it is working fine again! She woke up much earlier than usual today and the deflating of her mattress is probably the reason why! She didn’t look very comfortable when I went in to the room in answer to her bell!

She got up in a bit of a foul mood, though. She looked around the room and I have a picture of her and my Dad hanging on the wall where she can see it from her bed, and she proceeded to tell me she does not want that picture left here and I needed to take it off the wall! Then when she went to the bathroom, she saw the basket where I keep her toiletries and informed me that she was also not going to leave the basket here either. I tried to explain that her things are here because this is where she lives now, but quickly gave up on that!

When I got her wheelchair out to take her into the living room, she was also very possessive of that. She said she did not want it left here, because people come in, take it from her room and play in it. She said they were going to break it by playing with it and she wants it taken back home!

It looks like this is going to be a great day! I hope she is okay for Candace this afternoon!

This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24