How Will I Affect My Tomorrows?

What we do today, right now,

Will have an accumulated

effect on all our tomorrows.

Alexandra Stoddard

Friday, I took Chance to the eye doctor for his yearly exam. While we were waiting to see the doctor, I went next door to Waldenbooks to look around. I was looking for books to give Joey on his birthday – which is tomorrow, Jan 22. As I was looking at the books, a woman standing at the checkout suddenly fell to the floor, knocking over a stack of books and a sign. The cashier came around to help her and got her up off the floor.

Of course, with all the commotion, I turned around to see what was happening! The cashier had the woman standing up and had her arm around her to steady her. I saw the woman’s head drop and she went down again!

I went over to see if there was something I could do to help and we laid her down on the floor. I took off her jacket because she was sweating and her face felt clammy. Her husband was there with her, but he was not able to help out due to some handicap of his own – he was walking with a cane.

Her husband explained that she had donated blood about 45 minutes prior to coming to the store, which is why she had passed out. The cashier called security for a wheelchair and the lady then just sat on the floor waiting for the chair.

All the time we were attending to her, the lady just kept saying she was “sorry” and that she was humiliated that this had happened to her. She said she felt like she was being such a problem and just kept apologizing!
It really made me think, because I’ve been in a position before in which I needed help from others for some reason or another and felt that I couldn't ask.

Ten years ago, I was diagnosed with a heart condition, asthma and other conditions related to use of phen-fen (diet pill taken off the market in 1997). I was in a deep depression for about a year after the diagnosis, unable to pull myself out of it. Tests being done revealed problems and they were all a direct result of my use of those diet pills! I now have to watch any medication that I take – even as simple as a decongestant! I tire out easily and just don’t have the energy that I need to do some of the things I’d like to do. If I could do it all over again, I would never have used phen-fen.

The real problem, though, is the fact that I could not ask for help when I most needed it! I stopped attending church and separated myself from almost everyone! I continued to work, when I felt well enough, but other than that I rarely left my house.

I’m not sure why it’s so difficult for some of us to admit that we need help, that we can’t do everything on our own. Are we afraid that others will think we are weak? Our heavenly Father knew that we could not get through this life alone and we are instructed to carry each other’s burdens.

”Carry each other's burdens,

and in this way

you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Galatians 6:2

There’s no shame in needing help. There’s no shame in realizing that you can’t carry the burden of the world on your own shoulders!

I do call upon my Savior for help, but rarely will I ask anyone else for help. I’m at a point now with my Mom, that I may need more help than I have in the past. One of my sisters, Jeannie, is good about coming out to sit with Mom for a little while when I need to run errands, but sometimes I feel like I’m imposing when I ask her. It’s hard to deal with the fear of rejection when asking for help.

I am thankful that I have a relationship with Jesus Christ, otherwise, I could never make it! I am thankful that I can go to Him with the burdens that I carry and he will take the load from me and carry it.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28,29

It would be so great if we could just see the needs of others and go to them with offers of assistance rather than waiting to be asked for help. For now, I know that God is available to me whenever I ask and I know that the prayers of others who also lift us in prayer before the Lord will be heard!

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God:

that if we ask anything according to his will,

he hears us.

And if we know that he hears us

—whatever we ask—

we know that we have what we asked of him.”

I John 5:14,15


“Praise be to the Lord,

to God our Savior,

who daily bears our burdens”

Psalm 68:19

Mother has not been out of bed for the past two days. She refused food yesterday, but today I was able to get her to drink a protein shake. We have graduated to the bedside commode now – she can no longer walk the few feet to the bathroom.

Last night was tough! She was just not feeling well at all and cried quite a bit. I sat with her for a while, prayed with her and then Elizabeth, Addy and I sang some hymns for her. She wanted to talk to me about her funeral arrangements, making sure I knew what she wants and that everything is ready!

She asked me to have everyone come in to her room including her Daddy and Mother and her brothers so that she could tell them “bye”. She told me they were all down at the barn and wanted me to get them to come up to the house. Of course, at that point I had to tell her that they have all passed away and are no longer with us.

She also wanted my Dad and I had to tell her that he, too, has passed away. She cried for about two hours before she was able to calm down and go to sleep for the night. She then slept through the night without waking.

She slept until about 10:30 this morning. I let her rest as much as she wants and wake her up only long enough to give her medication, and she goes right back to sleep each time. I’m not sure she is really awake when she takes the meds. She didn’t want to get up today either, so I gave her a sponge bath and got her back to bed.

Caring for her has become more difficult since she is not able to support herself. She just can’t seem to get her feet to do what she wants them to do anymore. Even when I instruct her on how to move her feet, she’s just not able to do it. Sometimes it upsets her – when she realizes that she has forgotten how to do certain things.

Sometimes I wonder how I will know when the time nears. Will I know in time to call my brothers and sisters so that they can spend some time with her? Will it just be sudden and I won’t have time to let them know? I don’t know! All I know is, I will be here with her and I thank God that I am!