This article is my submission to the blog challenge sponsored by Darlene Schacht , Author of The Mom Complex.
Last summer I took my Mom out of a nursing home, where she had been living for six months, and brought her back home to live with my family and me. She had been living with us for three years before going into the nursing home. I was truly blessed by being able to have her at home with me the last seven months of her life and by being right here with her each day and night we shared many moments that I consider profound and will treasure for the rest of my life.
My mother's 76th birthday was March 16, 2006 and all of her children living close by and many of the grandchildren went to the nursing home to help her celebrate. We took a cake and shared it with each of the residents after supper that evening. Mother was in great spirits and really enjoyed the evening as we all did! The next morning everything changed!
Mother woke up the following day and suddenly could not remember where she was or why she was there or even how to properly dress herself or go to the bathroom by herself! She was so confused and yet knew that she was confused which caused her a great deal of anxiety! That day began the last year of her life!
Mother cried every day, most of the day from that time until I brought her back home in August! My sisters and I set up a schedule so at least one of us could be with her each evening and on the weekends hoping that would help with the anxiety. I guess it did, at least while we were there. Once we left to go home, it was just as bad.
I was called at work, almost daily, either by my Mom or by the staff at the nursing home because she was so distraught! It became too much to bear and I quit my job, with my husband's approval and brought her home.
It was such a blessing to have her here with me, but it was also difficult. Many days she did not even know my name or who I was. She certainly did not believe that she was my mother! She would call me by other peoples' names, believing me to be someone from her past. She still had anxiety but it was greatly decreased. I had help from Hospice which was certainly assistance sent from God! I'm not sure I could have done it without them.
Hospice sent an aide three times a week to help my mom shower. Mother was visited at least once a week by a nurse, and at least once a month the social services person and the chaplain came to visit. We came to know and love each one of them.
During Mother's lucid moments she wanted to discuss funeral arrangements and make sure that everything was planned out just as she wanted it done and that I knew the clothing she wanted to wear and who she wanted to sing and the songs she chose for the service. Everything was taken care of beforehand which certainly relieved us of the burden of having to plan everything after she passed away.
On a Sunday evening in January this year my Mother asked me to call, from the barn, her parents and each of her brothers because she wanted to tell them goodbye. Of course we don't have a barn and her parents and most of her brothers passed away years ago! From that day, when she said her goodbyes, my Mother began dying!
She no longer wanted to eat and rarely drank anything except when it was time to take her medication! She had been unable to get out of bed for about a week and a half prior to saying her goodbyes! I know that she decided it was time and she was ready to leave this world. After the first week passed she seemed to remember so much of the information she had forgotten in all those months. She knew me each day and knew my relationship to her. She talked often about my siblings and about my Dad who passed away 12 years before.
The last week of her life we talked about so many things. I would sit with her most of the day and many nights during those last two weeks. When she said her goodbyes, I called each of brothers and sisters and told them because I knew it would not be long. We called her sister and all of my Dad's brothers to let them know. Those last two weeks Mother had many visitors and was able to see most of her family and definitely all of her children! It seemed like once she had seen everyone and been able to talk with them, she was very tired and quickly became less responsive.
Before she lost all function (brain and body), she and I talked for the last time. It was five days before she passed. She and I talked and cried and discussed the fact that we knew she would be going soon. That was so hard talking to her and knowing that her death was very close. It was as if we knew we had to hurry to get everything said to each other because we knew we would not have another opportunity. I felt such an urgency to say so much and yet I wanted it to drag on, knowing all the time that she was leaving.
She wanted me to know that even though she was leaving, she loved us all very much. We talked about her going to be with my Dad again and that made her happy. I assured her that we knew how much she loved us all and what a great Mother she had always been and still was. I let her know how much we would miss her, but we would also rejoice because we knew that she would again be with her husband and other family members that had gone on before. We talked about her mansion that had been prepared and we knew she would see God.
My Mother was a Godly woman and lived her life in service to Him. She never wanted any other kind of life. She had always known she wanted to be a wife and a mother and God granted her those blessings.
I miss my Mother very much and think about her every day. I'm so thankful that she was with me at home when she passed. She was never alone, never without family beside her for the last few months of her life. I thank God for the promise we have that we will all be together again and that He has prepared a home for my Mother with him in heaven! She is truly home now and is no longer lonesome for my Dad and no longer in pain! What a blessing!
I have so many memories of my Mother and now that she's gone, they are my treasure to be carefully guarded, but also brought out often to enjoy!
My Mothers Hands
I held her hands in mine last night...
they looked so thin and worn...
but they heldmine just as tightly...
as the day that I was born.
Those gentle and expressive hands
...etched by work and care...
have folded over my bedside...
many times in humble prayer.
They've washed for me...
they've fed me...
they helped me become a woman...
There's something of our Lord, Himself...
In every mother's hand.
author unknown
