"My Soul Clings to You"

Another week ending and I have to say I am glad to see this one end. Mother had a great day most of the day yesterday, but the evening was something else altogether!

She woke up about 5:00am yesterday and I got her up to the bathroom and then back to bed. I checked on her several times during the morning because she was sleeping so late. Connie came around 11:45 am and we got Mom up then – she was still sleeping!

After Mother had her shower, I got her lunch and then she just sat and watched Ethan sleep. I kept Ethan yesterday for Sheila because the regular sitter had a doctor’s appointment. He fell asleep about 11:30 in the kitchen floor while he was playing. He had been playing with his Thomas the Tank Engine trains and got quiet, so I looked to see what he was doing and he was sound asleep! I picked him up and put him on the couch where he slept until about 3:00.

Candace and the boys brought Chance home from school around 3:15. Ethan was thrilled to see the boys. They had a great time playing together. One thing about three little boys together – at least these three – is that they are very loud! We finally sent them to the laundry room to play so that we could talk to each other.

Michael stopped by on his way home from Agra, where he had been working yesterday, around the same time Candace got here. Then Donell, Mom’s Hospice social worker, came in to visit with Mom. After Donell left, Christy, Mom’s Hospice nurse came for her weekly visit and check-up on Mom.

Needless to say, Mother missed her nap due to all the activity during the day. It's unusual to have so much activity, in one day, at our house. I think she probably just got overly tired and overly stimulated which caused her to become anxious later that evening!

Bob and Jeannie came over around 6:30, along with Elizabeth, Michael and Addy so that we could play cards. Candace had also left Levi at our house because Elizabeth and Michael were taking him home with them when they left last night.

Mother started feeling anxious, talking about going home shortly after Bob and Jeannie arrived. I tried to go along with what she was saying, telling her that she would be staying the night here with me; telling her that we had let her family know that she was here (otherwise she worries that they don’t know where she is); telling her that Daddy was up at the house and had supper there – claiming that I had talked to him and he didn’t want her to get out tonight because it was so cold! Usually, she calms down if I go along with what she is saying rather than telling her the truth - that her Mom and Dad and husband have passed away.

Last night, none of this satisfied her. She told me she was not staying here – she was going home. She became so insistent that I had to tell her that they had all passed away many years ago. I explained that she now lives with Jody and me and is here because we want her and want to be able to care for her. She was heart-broken when I told her that they were all gone! She gets upset because she doesn’t remember their deaths. She has lost so many memories! Jeannie and I both cried with her – it is so hard to see her that way! I had given her all her meds, but by the time she took them she was pretty well on her way to a bad time and it takes a while for the meds to take effect!

Jeannie and I put her to bed, prayed with her and then I sat and talked with her for a little bit until she felt she could go to sleep. She went to sleep before too long – the medicine helps with that!

She also started to ask about Daddy when she first woke this morning, but then remembered, from being told last night, that he passed away! That’s really unusual for her, these days, to remember anything for any length of time. As I put up the bedrail, after getting her back to bed she asked me, “Will I be like this the rest of my life?” I told her that yes, she probably would. She then stated, “At least like this.” She seemed to realize that from now on, things would continue to decline. She started to cry a little bit then. She didn’t want anything to eat or drink – only to sleep. She has been sleeping since then.

When she woke this morning, she thought it was Sunday and wanted to know if we would be going to church. Not being able to attend worship services is another very difficult thing for her to handle. She has always been diligent about attending services every time the doors opened. She taught Sunday school classes for as long as I can remember. She just is not able to get out and go anywhere any longer. First of all, it’s very difficult for her to get around at all. She uses the walker but, because of her unsteadiness, she has a high risk of falling. Even with her using the walker, I am right beside her to assist. She only walks to the bathroom and back or to the bedroom and back. Nothing else.

Bob and Jeannie bring communion each Sunday afternoon for us and we sing and pray together. I read the Bible to Mom often – she has always made time for study and is no longer able to see well enough to read on her own.

Mother has been so worried about Christmas presents this year – wondering what she was going to do about the presents she wanted to give because she doesn’t have money to do anything. I have been working on gifts for her to give and assure that she will have a gift for everyone. She has always given each of her kids and each of her grandkids something for Christmas every year.

My Mom and Dad have a big family – six children; six children’s spouses; 17 grandchildren (1 deceased); 8 grandchildren’s spouses; 11 great grandchildren. The last few years, because she hasn’t had the money to buy things, she has been giving away her own things. They have meant a lot to her and I hope they mean a lot to the recipients. I don’t think the younger kids really understand the meaning behind getting Grandma’s “used” treasures, but hopefully they will later.

Bob and Jeannie have the responsibility of planning Christmas this year. We decided a few years ago, that we would each take a year and on our year we have the responsibility of deciding the date, the place, the menu and planning any special activities for the day. The person responsible can do pretty much anything they want to do on their particular year. It’s been a lot of fun. Last year instead of the traditional Christmas menu, we had Mexican food. We also had a guacamole contest which Charlie won for the best tasting guac! He claims he will be winning the prize again this year for the best pie. Jeannie has planned a pie contest for this year. I’m not so sure he is going to win – I have, what I think, is a prize winning entry! Don’t count on that prize yet, Charlie!

Mother will go with us when we meet for Christmas. I can’t imagine her not being there. Since I will have help to get her there, I know it will be okay. I’m sure once we’re there, I won’t have the sole responsibility of caring for her which will help me enjoy the day, too. We are meeting on the 23rd which is coming up soon!

On that same evening, Jody and I will be having Christmas with our children and grandchildren, so it’s going to be a busy day for us! Michael and Elizabeth have decided they want to host this year at their house in Norman. I’m looking forward to all of us being together! It’s hard to get everyone together at the same time anymore. Jeannie is going to sit with Mother that evening while we go to Elizabeth’s.

As I go about my day, Mom is never far from my thoughts. I pray that God will provide her the comfort she needs to get through the difficult days. It has been a while since she has had such an emotional day as she did yesterday! I know that He continues to give me strength and the ability to care for her with love, kindness and compassion. I am thankful for all that He gives us.

I recently found a blogsite of a woman who expresses such faith and devotion to God that after reading it I felt blessed by her words. She included Psalm 63 in one of her entries and I am also including it in mine.

I love the Psalms and the following passage is beautiful.


Psalm 63
1. O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2. I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
3. Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4. I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6. On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.