September 1 - Bringing Mother Home

I brought Mom home from the nursing home on Wednesday. She called me at work that day and, as has become her "normal" condition, was upset and crying. I got so emotional at work, I had to leave. I immediately called Hospice and asked about their involvement if I were to bring Mom back home. They were very willing to remain as her Hospice caregivers and the help they could provide with her at home is exactly what I felt like we needed in order to safely care for her there. I called and talked to Jody, who immediately said we could do it, he only had concerns for my health and whether or not I would be able to care for her. I told him about my conversation with Hospice and he seemed okay knowing the help they will provide. I called Elizabeth to ask her opinion. She was, as always, very honest and said she was afraid it wasn't a good idea because of my health problems and she was also worried that Mom would still be tearful and upset much of the time. I called Jeannie, who was totally supportive. I called Kathy, who was not. I think her concerns were valid, I just really felt that for Mom's sanity and well-being, it was the best think possible.
Chance and I went to the nursing home about 6:00 pm and loaded everything in the truck and finally were discharged with meds and hugs about 9:00. We got home and I gave Mom her meds and got her tucked into bed about 10:15. She slept until 9:20 Thursday morning. She had a pretty good morning - had breakfast and was up for about two hours. She talked to me about her burial plan and if I had the dress she wanted to wear, which I do. She apologized for "giving up" and we talked for a little while about that. I assured her that none of us feel she has given up, but we know that she's tired and misses Daddy and all of her family that has passed on. She then went back to bed and slept until 3:00pm. I helped her up and fed her some fruit and yogurt and she was a bit teary and talked about how she never was able to say goodbye to her Mother and Daddy when they died. We talked about it and I told her that she did see them and knew when both passed, but had just forgotten.
About 4:30, she became very anxious and began crying and couldn't sit still - just kept getting up and down and could not settle down. Her new Hospice nurse came about 5:00, saw her in the state she was in and called the doctor. Her doctor has just taken her as a patient within the last three weeks and has made some changes to her meds trying to get her to a level where she does not get into this anxious state, but has not achieved that yet. Her Xanax was due at 5:30 and once she had that she was able to calm down in about 30 minutes. Her nurse stayed until then and I told her that I was comfortable and was okay with her leaving then.
Mom ate supper and I got her ready for bed, gave her nighttime meds and tucked her in about 8:15. At 8:30 she was up again, crying and unable to settle down. I called Hospice and Jenny called back in just a few minutes. I told her what was going on and asked whether or not we could get her into the hospital because I just did not see how she could do this all weekend. Jenny said what we could do was put her into a skilled facility for the weekend, but I don't want to do it and told her I didn't feel that was an option. Because Mom had been given all the meds she was able to take, Jenny told me that I could give her Benadryl and hopefully that would make her sleepy enough to rest. Jody picked some up and I was able to give it to her and get her back to bed at 10:15. She then slept through the night until I woke her at 5:15 and gave her some pain medication and more Benadryl. I am going to give her the Benadryl routinely throughout the weekend and hopefully she can make it until next week when we can get her in to see the new doctor and hopefully make some changes for the better.
Even with these problems, I'm glad she's home! I know this is where she belongs and is the best place to monitor her and hopefully get the problems worked out so that she can be comfortable throughout the remainder of her life, however long that may be.
I know that God will give me what I need to be able to care for her and give her the comfort that only he can provide. This starts a journey that I intend to see through to the end and one I know will be worth everything!