The God of All Comfort

Elizabeth and I talked on the phone today and I told her how encouraged I was that the change in Mom’s medication was making a difference, because she had not had an anxiety attack, since Sunday, in which she cried and was out of control. I was feeling really good about how well things were going.

When Mom got up this afternoon after her nap, she started asking questions of me that made me realize she was beginning to feel anxious. She wanted to know if I would be taking her home, if she would see her Mother and Daddy and kept asking me where the children were that she was supposed to be watching.
I’m torn, when she starts asking these questions, between going along with her, not causing her to be more upset and telling her the absolute truth – that her Mother, Daddy and many other family members have passed away.
She’s so lost! As she and I talk – I normally opt for the honesty – she realizes how confused she is and is unable to get a grasp on reality! I feel lost, too! I can’t understand where she is – in a world where she is 76 years old, but her Mother and Daddy and even her grandparents are all still living! She looks at me and can’t understand who I am or my relationship to her. She knows that she should know who I am, but just can’t reach that place inside herself where all the memories are stored!
It’s these times when I wonder if I am strong enough to do this! She and I both cry over the lost memories! I can’t figure out how to reach her – how do I pull her back into the reality of today? I can’t even figure out where she is! These are the times when I especially have to give it to God! It’s all so much bigger than she and I can handle!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles. II Corinthians 1:3,4

Today was the first time in several days that she has mentioned Daddy – her husband of 47 years! She seems to be living in a time before he came into her life. That seems so unreal! She married Daddy when she was 17 years old! She spent her life with him! How does he disappear? Where does the memory of him go? As we talk, sometimes I am able to help her recall some of the big memories that seem to be lost – the day her Daddy died, the day my Daddy died, the things that I know of other family members’ deaths. Today was hard for her - she was able to remember the day her Daddy died as we talked about it, but then in the next sentence she thought that he was coming home tonight!
The medication changes are definitely helping. Even though she still has some problems with anxiety, she is now able to get herself under control without the help of (extra) medication. This is such an improvement! Having her at home, being able to sit with her holding her hand, praying with her and talking her through the memories is such a blessing! Living in the nursing home, having the anxiety attacks, without someone to pray with her and comfort her must have been so difficult! It breaks my heart to know what she was going through by herself! I thank God for the direction he gave and for the support of Jody and my siblings so that she was able to come back home!

Psalm 138:1-3
I will give thee thanks with my whole heart:
Before the gods will I sing praises unto thee.

I will worship toward thy holy temple,
And give thanks unto thy name for thy lovingkindness and for thy truth:
For thou hast magnified thy word above all thy name.

In the day that I called thou answeredst me,
Thou didst encourage me with strength in my soul.