O Lord, You are Exalted

Today was a good day even though the sorrow caused by the death in our extended family is still fresh and on our hearts.

Mother had a good day and even had some visitors from church. We also had Elizabeth, Addy and the little boy Elizabeth is babysitting, Candace, Levi and Joey. I love when all the kids are here and of course, I took a few pictures. The weather was so nice, the kids were able to play outside, which they love! Levi and Joey, I think, would stay outside all day rain or shine!







The picture of Addyson in the cage is her own little project! I was in the living room visiting with the girls and heard her call me. (She calls me Mom, because they lived here when she was learning to talk and Elizabeth and Chance call me Mom and she just picked it up from them.) She said, “Mom, I need you – I’m in the laundry room.” When I walked in, she started barking like a dog and she had closed herself in China’s crate. She was so cute! She stayed in there for a little while and then decided it wasn’t as much fun as she thought it would be and called for help to get out of the crate.

Connie, the Hospice aide came today to help Mom with her shower. She’s such a sweetheart – she’s great with Mom and I don’t think we could have handpicked a better match. Shannon, one of the aides from the nursing home where Mother used to live called today to check on her. Shannon was one of Mom’s favorites and was really good to comfort Mom when she had one of her attacks. We – the family – got to know Shannon really well and knew we could depend on her to watch over Mother when we couldn’t be there.

Mom continues to show improvements. She has fewer anxiety attacks and is able to get herself under control much more quickly than she did when she first came home. Sitting with her and holding her hand, I am able to help her remember the events causing the confusion that brings on the anxiety. I know that God is answering our prayers and providing comfort as she needs it. I’m thankful for the Hospice staff working with us – they are a great group and I know that I can depend on them for both physical and emotional needs.

God is good and I feel his guidance each day. My prayers are with Brenda and her family as they go through this very difficult time and for my Mom, for continued comfort.

1 Chronicles 29:11-13
Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power
and the glory and the majesty and the splendor,
for everything in heaven and earth is yours.
Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom;
you are exalted as head over all.
Wealth and honor come from you;
you are the ruler of all things.
In your hands are strength and power
to exalt and give strength to all.
Now, our God, we give you thanks,
and praise your glorious name.

Today was a good day even though the sorrow caused by the death in our extended family is still fresh and on our hearts.

Mother had a good day and even had some visitors from church. We also had Elizabeth, Addy, Cody- the little boy Elizabeth babysits, Candace, Levi and Joey. I love when all the kids are here and of course, I took a few pictures.

The picture of Addyson in the cage is her own little project! I was in the living room visiting with the girls and heard her call me. (She calls me Mom, because they lived here when she was learning to talk and Elizabeth and Chance call me Mom and she just picked it up from them.) She said, “Mom, I need you – I’m in the laundry room.” When I walked in, she started barking like a dog and had closed herself in China’s crate. She was so cute! She stayed in there for a little while and then decided it wasn’t as much fun as she thought it would be and called for help to get out of the crate.

The weather was so nice, the kids were able to play outside, which they love! Levi and Joey, I think, would stay outside all day rain or shine!

Connie, the Hospice aide came today to help Mom with her shower. She’s such a sweetheart – she’s great with Mom and I don’t think we could have handpicked a better match. Shannon, one of the aides from the nursing home where Mother used to live called today to check on her. Shannon was one of Mom’s favorites and was really good to comfort Mom when she had one of her attacks. We – the family – got to know Shannon really well and knew we could depend on her to watch over Mother when we couldn’t be there.

Mom is still sleeping a lot. She is just always tired. She is having fewer attacks and is able to get them under control much more quickly than when she first came home. Sitting with her and holding her hand, I am able to talk with her and help her remember events that are causing her confusion at the time. God is good and I can see His hand in the changes she is experiencing. I am thankful for the Hospice staff working with us. They are all great and I know that I can depend on them for physical and emotional support.

God is in Control

Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. Psalm 31:9

Mother has done well the past couple of days. She has remained calm - no anxiety attacks. She's sleeping a lot, but still is very tired. My prayer continues to be that she can be comfortable throughout the remainder of her life. I know that comfort comes from God and can see His work and His blessings every day! I am thankful that we have our faith and know that He is in control!

We received news last night of a death in our extended family. It was a young man and, at this time, we're not sure what caused his death. It's so hard to understand when a young person dies. He was just on the brink of adulthood and his Mother will never see him marry or have children or know the man he would have become. My heart hurts for his family! They are a close, loving family with a strong faith in God. I know, through God's grace, they will get through this tragic time, but of course they will experience sorrow and grief. Death of a loved one, for any reason, is difficult to experience. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a child! The natural progression of life is that parents die before their children! My thoughts and my prayers will be with this family that they feel the touch of God and that they are comforted by His touch.

Michael, Elizabeth and Addyson came for dinner last night. They are looking in this area for a house to possibly move back out here. I, of course, will be thrilled to have them close by again. I miss seeing them as often as I did before they moved. I love having all the kids and grandkids close. They're actively looking, so hopefully they will be able to find a place soon, sell their current house and make a smooth transition.





Jody has started work on what will become our "master suite" and is coming along on the project. It will be nice to have it finished and be able to move into the new room. I'm truly blessed to have a husband good with carpentry. He can do just about anything related to building and remodeling!

I know that God hears our prayers and provides comfort and relief as we need it. My prayer this week is for continued calmness for my Mom and comfort to this family in the loss of their loved one.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds. --Philippians 4:6-7

My brother called tonight with some terrible news! He had just called my aunt to talk about some family business and was told by my aunt that she had found her grandson unresponsive in his room. She called 911, but by the time they arrived he was already gone! He was a young man and we don't know yet what happened, but whatever it was that took his life - you have to wonder why. They are a close and loving family with a strong faith in the Lord and I know that they will get through this time, but how dreadful to have to go through the death of a child. Please pray for this family that they may be comforted. I was afraid that Mom would have a hard time with the news, but when I told her she was very calm. I'm not sure she really understood what was happening, because she was asking very odd questions and coming up with scenarios that made no sense. Maybe that's better, she really doesn't need another death to dwell on.

I look at my own family and am so thankful. God has been good to all of us! I am in a middle child of a big family, very loving and always there for each other. I have five brothers and sisters, all of whom are married with children. One brother and I both have grandchildren. We did suffer the loss of one - my nephew who lived only a few minutes after his birth. When you look at our family - all 49 of us, including my Mom - we are extremely blessed that all of us are alive and healthy!

My own family, three married daughters, a 16-year old son and four grandchildren. I can't imagine losing any of them! They are all so precious to me!

Michael, Elizabeth and Addyson came for dinner tonight. They are looking at houses out this way and thinking of moving back. I, of course, will be very happy for them to be closer to us again! I miss seeing them as often as I used to. I talk to them on the phone almost every day - but there's a lot to be said about having them close enough to touch!

Mom has done well these last couple of days. She's been sleeping a lot - but continues to feel tired. I have a good friend, that I've know for about the last nine years. I worked with her and have really missed spending time with her since I left my job. We had talked about getting together with some of our other friends at work, but since Mom is home with me, it's hard for me to get out of the house. My friend and I talked today and I think I will just plan a "tea" or something and have them come out here to the house. I'm really excited to see them and want to start planning our get-together right away! I haven't seen them now in a few months. It will be good to see them again!

My Prayer

My Mothers Hands

Author Unknown

I held her hands in mine last night...they looked so thin and worn...but they held

mine just as tightly...as the day that I was born.

Those gentle and expressive hands...

etched by work and care...have folded over

my bedside...many times in humble prayer.

They've washed for me...they've fed me...

they've helped me be a woman...There's something

of our Lord, Himself...

In every mother's hand.

O Lord, I pray for strength and wisdom to care for Mother with love and gentleness. Some days are much more difficult than I had anticipated!

When she looks at me and doesn't recognize me - I know that it's the result of this awful disease that is taking over and robbing her of 76 years of life's memories! The disease is taking away everything she knew! Everything that made her who she is - or was! It's easy some days to question why this should be happening to her - why when she has lived her life in service to God and was a good wife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother!

She asked me this evening, to call Fred so that he could come pick her up and take her home! She said she didn't want to leave him at home without her. Of course, I had to tell her that he was gone and go over with her the last two weeks of his life! When I tell her details about events, sometimes she can then recall the events. It doesn't make it any easier for her - she has no concept of time! She asked me if he died today!

I don't know how long this journey will last or how much more difficult it will become. I only know that the strength to get through will come through God, I can't get through it any other way! My prayers are fervent! My faith is strong and I know that He will continue to bless us!

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

The God of All Comfort

Elizabeth and I talked on the phone today and I told her how encouraged I was that the change in Mom’s medication was making a difference, because she had not had an anxiety attack, since Sunday, in which she cried and was out of control. I was feeling really good about how well things were going.

When Mom got up this afternoon after her nap, she started asking questions of me that made me realize she was beginning to feel anxious. She wanted to know if I would be taking her home, if she would see her Mother and Daddy and kept asking me where the children were that she was supposed to be watching.
I’m torn, when she starts asking these questions, between going along with her, not causing her to be more upset and telling her the absolute truth – that her Mother, Daddy and many other family members have passed away.
She’s so lost! As she and I talk – I normally opt for the honesty – she realizes how confused she is and is unable to get a grasp on reality! I feel lost, too! I can’t understand where she is – in a world where she is 76 years old, but her Mother and Daddy and even her grandparents are all still living! She looks at me and can’t understand who I am or my relationship to her. She knows that she should know who I am, but just can’t reach that place inside herself where all the memories are stored!
It’s these times when I wonder if I am strong enough to do this! She and I both cry over the lost memories! I can’t figure out how to reach her – how do I pull her back into the reality of today? I can’t even figure out where she is! These are the times when I especially have to give it to God! It’s all so much bigger than she and I can handle!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles. II Corinthians 1:3,4

Today was the first time in several days that she has mentioned Daddy – her husband of 47 years! She seems to be living in a time before he came into her life. That seems so unreal! She married Daddy when she was 17 years old! She spent her life with him! How does he disappear? Where does the memory of him go? As we talk, sometimes I am able to help her recall some of the big memories that seem to be lost – the day her Daddy died, the day my Daddy died, the things that I know of other family members’ deaths. Today was hard for her - she was able to remember the day her Daddy died as we talked about it, but then in the next sentence she thought that he was coming home tonight!
The medication changes are definitely helping. Even though she still has some problems with anxiety, she is now able to get herself under control without the help of (extra) medication. This is such an improvement! Having her at home, being able to sit with her holding her hand, praying with her and talking her through the memories is such a blessing! Living in the nursing home, having the anxiety attacks, without someone to pray with her and comfort her must have been so difficult! It breaks my heart to know what she was going through by herself! I thank God for the direction he gave and for the support of Jody and my siblings so that she was able to come back home!

Psalm 138:1-3
I will give thee thanks with my whole heart:
Before the gods will I sing praises unto thee.

I will worship toward thy holy temple,
And give thanks unto thy name for thy lovingkindness and for thy truth:
For thou hast magnified thy word above all thy name.

In the day that I called thou answeredst me,
Thou didst encourage me with strength in my soul.

Life on Roller Skates!!

What a great weekend! Our house was busy this weekend which made it a lot of fun! Michael, Elizabeth and Addyson had graciously volunteered to come out and sit with Mom on Sunday so that Jody, Chance and I could go to the fair! Instead of waiting until Sunday, they decided to stay the whole weekend. I love it when that happens! Saturday, Elizabeth spent the day (between shifts at work) and again on Sunday, cutting and coloring hair. Saturday, she cut Bob’s and Michael’s while they watched the OU game – don’t even get them started! Then on Sunday while they sat with Granny, she cut Granny’s, colored Candace’s and cut Jimmy’s.





Saturday, Addy and I built a fort in the living room (out of a sheet and chairs). She played in it all day and then Sunday when Joey and Levi came over, they all played in it! Sunday morning it was raining outside and the kids decided they wanted to play in the rain. They loved it! It was a little cool, though. They each came in, got fluffy towels to wrap up in and went right back outside wrapped in their towels. Needless to say, the towels were soaked, too.




It’s always amazing to me when I look at an activity through my adult eyes and remember what it was like when I saw the same activity as a child. Yesterday Jody, Chance and I went to the fair. I remember the few times, when I was a child, that my family went to the fair and how big and wondrous everything seemed at that time. My parents, of course, wanted to go through all the buildings and look at the exhibits. All of us kids wanted to spend our time on the midway. My parents would always go through the exhibits first, knowing that’s where they would spend the most time and see everything they wanted to see before going to the midway. We never really got to eat much on the midway because the food was so expensive! We were allowed to ride a few rides and it was such great fun! My favorite was the Tilt-O-Whirl! I loved that feeling of going around and around, unable to lift my head from the back of the car in which we were seated. Wow! What a difference now! I look at the Tilt-O-Whirl and think about the motion sickness I would most definitely have if I were to ride it again! Now my favorite activities at the fair are first of all sampling the food! Oh, the food – corn dogs, funnel cakes, turkey legs, roasted corn, Indian tacos and pizza-on-a-stick! Pizza-on-a-stick?! Chance had to sample that one!

Of course, we all filled up after sampling only a few of the luscious treats – eyes are always bigger than stomachs! I also LOVE to walk through the buildings to see the exhibits! No Rides!! I don’t even play the games! Jody and Chance played a couple of games and it was fun to watch, but didn’t make me want to play them at all. We rode the space tower which I also really like. I don’t really do well with heights, but in the security of the enclosed car, it’s kind of exciting to be able to see everything that’s going on below. I’m a people-watcher and never tire of observing people and their interactions with others at an event like the fair. You definitely see a diverse group of individuals!
While we were atop the space tower, we saw some activities that looked pretty interesting that we had not seen while we were on the ground. When we “landed” again, we made our way to the lumberjack demonstration that we had seen from above. It was great! They demonstrated logging activities like a two-man saw and how it was used to cut timber and running down a huge limb to cut timber while balancing on top of the branch, but, by far, the best demonstration was the log-rolling contest! Two men, Ralph and Bob, stood atop a huge log in a pool of water and competed to see who could stay on the log the longest. They decided to go 2 out of 3 turns to determine the winner. Each man would begin using their feet turning the log and balancing to stay on top. Each would turn the log in different directions trying to throw the other competitor off!


Sadly, Ralph lost 2 of the 3 turns, but then asked for one more chance because he realized he was wearing the wrong shoes for the competition! He was allowed to change his shoes and took his place on the log again in a pair of roller skates! Well, that made all the difference in the world! Ralph was able to stay on top the log, seemingly, without effort! He was able to stand on top of the log in one position, not moving his legs from that position because the wheels on the skates would change direction without him having to exert any effort. He won the last competition and of course the crowd cheered for Ralph because of his ingenuity!
Since I have made my time with God through increased Bible Study, a major priority in my life, I am able to see lessons in most situations during my day. The log-rolling contest even gave me pause for thought. During my adult life, I have been through some very difficult times which were mainly due to the choices I made during those times. My choices have not always been beneficial to service to my Lord, nor beneficial for myself. I think during those times I struggled to stay on top, twisting and turning and constantly fighting to maintain control in my life. In contrast, when I let go and give my life to God, making choices with service in mind, I feel like I’m wearing roller skates and much more easily, without the struggle, am able to maintain peace in my life. God gave us all the tools we need to get through this life with comfort and peace that can be found nowhere else. It’s up to us to use those tools to guide us through each day.
I am again finding that peace and comfort in dealing with the struggles I go through now in caring for my Mom. I don’t question bringing Mom back home! I know that it was the right thing to do for her and for myself. It is difficult to see her when she’s so confused and when she doesn’t readily recognize who I am or the fact that I am her daughter – but even that can’t change the joy I feel by having her back home. I know that God will provide me with everything I need to properly care for her and help her to feel God’s presence and be comforted through prayer and through study. This time with my Mom is precious because of the closeness we share and the fact that she will not be here forever! We are only assured of NOW – no more is promised to us and I intend to cherish every moment that we have together!

“Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.” --Deuteronomy 33:12

What a Day!

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. --Lamentations 3:22-23

Today was kind of a busy day! Candace helped out at Levi's school this morning for picture day and I kept Joey. I love to keep the kids - hearing their new "life" stories and the goings-on in their lives. The boys, Levi and Joey, were dressed in their cowboy shirts, jeans and cowboy boots today. They were so cute! Joey explained to me that he could still run fast in his boots, just not as fast as he could run in his "Sandlot" shoes!


I asked Joey if he had eaten breakfast before he came and he said he did - he had Poptarts. I started fixing breakfast for Granny and he decided he was hungry again - he wanted what Granny was having. He also needed a cup of milk, a separate cup of Coke and a third cup of water - and he actually emptied all the cups without leaving a drop. He took his cowboy shirt and white T-shirt off to eat - I guess he didn't want to get them dirty! Then, after eating, he asked me to put the shirts back on again. He must have had me take off and put on his shirt at least 15 times while he was here this morning!

Addy had some dental work done this morning under general anesthesia and I wasn't able to be there since Mom has moved back home. It was strange not to be there for Addy because I have been at almost every important event for her since her birth. Michael and Elizabeth both were able to go with her! I thank God daily for Michael coming into their lives! He's such a blessing!

I also have to brag on Nick because since Candace works evenings and weekends, he keeps the boys and is doing a great job! Candace brags on him all the time - he even cooks and cleans to help her out. He, too, is a blessing! It's wonderful to be able to know that my girls and my grandbabies are well loved and care for by their husbands and Dads!

Mom had a pretty good day for the most part. She enjoyed Joey this morning. She loves to see the kids! She had just laid down for a nap when Christy, her nurse, came by to check on her today. Christy and I talked about how Mom was doing and about the anxiety attacks and the pattern I've noticed. I told Christy that I had started giving Mom a dose of Benadryl as soon as an attack started. I told her the Benadryl was working to help calm her down and I planned to continue giving it to her the same way as long as it was helping to alleviate the nervousness and anxiety. I asked her not to wake Mom because it was about 2:00 pm when Christy came and I was afraid if she woke her up, she might have an anxiety attack. Christy told me to call if we needed anything and since I asked that she not wake Mom, she just asked me the general questions instead of taking Mom's vitals.

Mom woke up about 3:00 pm and she was laying on the couch watching TV when I heard her start crying. I asked her what was wrong and never imagined what would come next. She said she was crying because she was afraid she would never be able to go to the bathroom again!! Where in the world did this come from?! I tried to find out why she thought that and she couldn't really explain it to me, but from there it only got worse! She started asking her usual questions: "Why did my Mother say that I could come live here?" "Is my Mother coming to stay here tonite, too?" "When are we going to start packing to move?" These are the usual questions we go through each day, but then she really got confused. As I've said, last week she thought I was Aunt Beryl. Today, she kept asking me about Uncle Paul and if I was still married to him. I asked her who she thought I was and she said "Well, I thought you were Aunt Ann." I told her that I am Ann and I have never been married to Uncle Paul - he was married to Aunt Flora. I tried to explain that I was her daughter, but she could not grasp the relationship between all of her relatives. I don't think she ever really understood my relationship to her, which was really strange for me. It's such a mystery to me how a person, your mother, you've been with your entire life and all of a sudden, they can't remember you! At one point, she thought her Mother had been married to Uncle Paul and couldn't understand how her Daddy fit into the picture. Of course, this whole time, she is crying hysterically because she knows that she's confused and has everything mixed up!

It was quite an afternoon! This went on until finally her medication took effect at about 5:15. Thank goodness, when she wakes up after that, she's okay. I can't figure out what it is about those particular hours during the day that cause her to have the extreme confusion and the anxiety. Please remember her in prayer! I know that God will get us through these difficult days!

Mother Of Mine

How do I tell you, from this daughter

Oh mother of mine, who couldn't have worked harder

To make my life, as best as could be

How much your loved, for loving me

Things you wanted, so many times

You put aside, to help me and mine

Even when I was growing up

A back you never turned, a door you never shut

How do I tell you, how much this means

Oh mother of mine, who always beams

With a loving heart, with open arms

Caring for all, with all your charms

You made life, so very good

For me you did, all you could

You cared for me, through all bad times

Your loved so much, oh mother of mine

Betty Halverson

Prayer in the Morning

In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3





The Book of Psalms is one of my favorite books in the Bible. When I feel stressed or overwhelmed, I can go to the Book of Psalms and there is so much praise and glory that I can't help but be uplifted. I have a new goal in my life which is to spend time in prayer each morning when I first get up out of bed. I have always said my prayers in the evening before bed and I think my prayers have become "habit" rather than prayers that show my faith and conviction. Each day now, with Mom at home, is different - much more intense than I've had in a while and I want to dedicate myself to study and prayer to give me the strength necessary to get through each day in a pleasing manner. I'm so thankful to have Mom at home again and know that only through God can she and my family get through this time unscathed.

My prayer life and Bible study are two areas that I have not made a priority - and I want that to change now! My faith is the same - has never wavered, but I guess I've become comfortable and not spent the time with God that I need.

Now, on to Mom! She is doing much better, but I have noticed a pattern to her anxiety attacks. She seems to have the attacks each day between the hours of 2:30 and 6:00 pm. I can't see anything that triggers the attack and she can't pinpoint anything either. Cathy, the Hospice Chaplain came to visit today and I talked to her a little bit about it. She said that some diseases have episodes like that - for no apparent reason. Mom's nurse, Christy, will be back on Thursday and I plan to talk to her about it and see if there is something we can do to help with the anxiety during that time of the day. Maybe just tweak her medication a little more to find out if something else works a little better.

The last couple of days, Mom has really been tired! I got her up at 7:30 this morning to go to the bathroom and take her medicine. She usually decides she's ready to get out of bed about that time in the morning and have breakfast, but today she said she was still tired and wanted to go back to bed. She slept all morning - I finally woke her up at 12:50 pm because Cathy had called and said she was coming to visit. Mom stayed up and visited with Cathy, but when Cathy left about 2:45, Mom laid down on the couch and has been asleep ever since. She was only up once during the night last night, but says she is still very tired! I guess it's just a natural progression.

I put the picture of Mom and China on today because they are new best friends! China follows Mom everywhere she goes and sits right by her feet when she eats (I'm sure it's not because China's discovered that Mom drops a lot of goodies!) China also lays down in front of Mom staring her in the face when she cries! I guess she just can't understand why she's crying. She's not alone - I don't understand it either!

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. --Lamentations 3:22-23

My Heart is Overwhelmed

Hear my cry, O God;
Attend unto my prayer.
From the end of the earth will I call unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: Psalm 61:1,2

The last couple of days have been a little rough. Mother's done really well in the morning, but by afternoon she becomes anxious and can't settle down. Yesterday, she started about 1:15 pm - crying and feeling out of control! I called her Hospice nurse, but I had already given Mom all the medication she could have at that time. There really was not anything that could be done and we just had to wait it out! She finally was able to settle down and get some rest about 5:00. By that time, I had been able to give her more medication. Dr King told us it might take a couple of weeks to see any improvement with the changes he's made to her medication. I hope we make it! She is so distressed and it's very hard to see her that way.
Today, she did great until about 2:30 pm when she started asking me questions about family members and when I answered her questions, she realized how confused she was about everything. She still, at times, during these last two days, thinks that I am Aunt Beryl. I'm not sure why except that I know from past things she's told me, and the things that she says to me when she thinks that I'm Aunt Beryl, that she always felt close to her and was able to talk to her about things that she couldn't talk about with anyone else. I try not to correct her unless I absolutely have to because it just upsets her more. The hardest part of it all is when she talks about her Mother. She forgets that her Mother and Daddy have already passed away and asks me all the time if I know where her Mom is and if she can call her or go see her. Today, she had a lot of questions about Uncle Paul.
Sometimes, I feel quite overwhelmed with all of it! It's very frustrating that I can't help her when she is in the midst of her anxiety attacks. I sit with her and pray with her, but sometimes it feels like it will just go on forever. Hopefully, now that Dr King is caring for her, we will finally be able to get her meds straightened out so that she can have some peace.

Jeannie came over this evening and sat with her so that Jody and I could go to the store. I had some things I needed to pick up for Mom and also needed some groceries! I am trying to get used to shopping in greater quantities since I'm not able to leave the house without someone to sit with Mom. I'm such a creature of habit, it may take me a while to get used to it.

Well, Mom's down for the night - or at least 3 to 4 hours. I know that God will give both Mom and me what we need to get through these struggles!

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time; casting all your anxiety upon him, because he careth for you. I Peter 5:6,7

Grandparent's Day September 8, 2006

Today was Grandparents' Day and I went to Levi's school to spend the time with him. Jody went to Addy's school, and I'm sure they had a great time! Jody and Addy have a pretty special relationship. She likes to mimic him in a lot of ways - some of which aren't the greatest!
Levi and I had a good time - taking pictures and looking around his classroom. He rode home with me, after we stopped off and got lunch to take home for everyone. It was a good day and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. One of my greatest joys is spending time with the grandkids and I never get tired of it!
Happy Grandparents' Day to all of you other Grandparents!

Candace and Joey sat with Granny while I went to Levi's school. Candace said she did all right, but when it was time for her to go to the bathroom, Mom couldn't remember where it was. Candace said she got all the way back to the one in Jody's and my room before realizing she had gone to the wrong place. After she ate lunch and took her medicine, she had a little bit of an anxiety attack. I can tell a difference in the way she is handling them now because she is able to get herself under control much more quickly than in the past. When she started crying, I went and sat beside her and held her hand. She turned to me and started talking to me as if I were Aunt Beryl - telling me how close she had always felt to me especially when I was married to Harold. I didn't try to correct her, I really thought when she looked at me she would realize that it was me, but she never did! That's really the first time she hasn't recognized me and it was a bit unnerving for me. I talked with her for a bit and then she was ready to go to bed and take a nap. She sleeps much more now than she used to - she is just really tired! It's really good to have her back home!

For everything there is a season, and a time for very purpose under heaven: Ecclesiastes 3:1

Peace that Passeth Understanding

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

I took Mom to see Dr King yesterday. He is the doctor that took over her case while she was in the nursing home, but he had not actually had the chance to meet her until yesterday. I really like him! He seems genuinely interested in caring for Mom and talked with her at length to determine the best method of care for her. After talking with her, he told us that one of the main issues he believes is causing the depression and anxiety is her diminished quality of life. He said it is a grieving process she is going through because she feels that her life here is finished. She is unable to do much of anything anymore and that is difficult for her. I feel like he definitely tuned in to her feelings and I feel like his care is going to make a positive difference. At times, it's hard to understand why she has to go through the things she is going through when she lived her life in the Lord's service. The scripture above is calming and keeps me mindful that even the things that I can't understand are in God's control.

The goal at this point is just to be able to keep her comfortable, which so far has been difficult due to her anxiety attacks. He made a few changes to her meds, so I'm anxious to see the results of those changes. He also talked with me - about how our family was handling the transition of bringing Mother home. That was a comfort to know that he cared about the rest of us as well. He is the Director of Heartland Hospice, which is the Hospice Mom has been under for several months now. I know that he cares about the same issues that we do such as not giving her meds that will only prolong her life, but rather giving her meds to keep her comfortable for the remainder of her life.

Thank goodness Jim happened to be home yesterday and was able to help me get her into the car to go to the appointment and then was able to help me get her back into the house! I had been worried about how I would be able to manage that. Dr King said we would not need to bring her back into the office - that he would work with the nurses caring for her at home. That is a great relief - it's very difficult to get her in and out of the house, the car, etc.

Tomorrow is Grandparents' Day! I'm really excited! Candace called a couple of weeks ago asking whether or not I would like to go to Levi's school for Grandparents' Day - of course, I said yes! She and Joey are going to come out and sit with Mother so that I can go. Jody is going to go to Addy's school, so she won't be left out either. I don't know what they'll be doing at Blake's school, haven't talked to Toni. We have Levi in Westfall Elementary - half day, Addyson in Norman - half day and Blake in Harrah - full days. I know it will be fun and I'm looking forward to it!







I remember when my children were younger and Grandparents would tell me, "Oh, just wait until the grandbabies come! There's nothing in the world like having Grandbabies!" I could never imagine that Grandchildren would be so different from your own children. Thankfully, I now get to experience the amazing world of Grandbabies and they were right! There is nothing else in the world like it! They are so excited when we visit or when they come to our house! It makes my day when they run up to me for hugs and kisses! I wouldn't trade those moments for anything in this world!

Little Joey is the last one left at home, not old enough for school. I was afraid it would really bother him that Levi would be going without him, but I also know that it's good for him spending "alone" time with Mommy. She's such a great Mom and loves her children dearly. All of our girls are good Mom's and I'm very proud of each one of them! I never worry about any of them not providing a safe and loving home for the kids.







Gerry and I are the only siblings in the family with grandchildren and we had always been in competition to have more grandchildren than the other one. Well, he passed me by a while ago when Shelly married and had three instant children. Gerry now has seven grandchildren to my four. I guess he'll be ahead for awhile, but I still have Chance! We'll see who passes whom once Chance marries! It's really a "just for fun" competition, but it makes for good times! Charles and Kathy each now have a married child, so who knows, maybe they'll get in on the competition too!

September 2 - Honor Thy Father and Mother

Honor thy father and mother (which is the first commandment with promise),that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. Ephesians 6:2,3

I was taught my whole life the words of Ephesians 6:1, but of course the true meaning escaped me until my own chldren came along. I went through the usual teenage years, believing that I knew more than my parents could ever know! Wow, what an eye opener to be on the other side of that tumultuous time of life!

I am so thankful that my Mom is back home! I remember growing up, seeing my Mom and Dad helping care for their parents - never realizing the sacrifices they made in order to care for them. They never complained - we just knew that one weekend out of every month, we would take a trip to either my Dad's parents or my Mom's mother's house to visit and help out if they needed anything. Both of my parents worked full time, had six children and still taught us the value of love through actions and deeds.

When my Dad died eleven years ago, he seemed to stay long enough to express his love for our Mother and needed to know that, all of their children, would help care for her for the rest of her life. Once we all assured him that we would, it seemed he was then able to go - and left this life believing that we would always take care of our Mother because he would no longer be here to care for her himself.

We had a pretty rough time the first day Mother was home. Yesterday and today have both been better. She has slept a lot, but during her waking times has not been sick at her stomach nor has she had an anxiety attack. I talked, yesterday, with Hospice and asked permission to discontinue one of the medications she had been taking - Depakote. I'm not really sure why she was even put on it - there was never an explanation from the PA who was "taking care" of her before we fired the doctor from my Mom's case. The Hospice nurse told me that normally the drug is given to people with a history of seizures and can not be stopped cold turkey for fear of seizures returning. My Mom has never had a seizure in her life! Elizabeth looked up the drug on the internet and found where the drug was also prescribed for people with ADHD - sometimes with good results, but some times with results like those like Mother was experiencing. We have now stopped the Depakote, with Hospice approval, and I am anxiously waiting - and praying - that we will have positive results once the drug is out of her system! I will be good to have Mom back again.

We had a frightening incident during the night last night - Mom fell out of bed. I was awakened at about 1:00 am and knew immediately that she had fallen out of bed! I quickly went to her room and sure enough she was on the floor! Hospice brought out a bed with rails, but Mom asked me to put up the rail only on one side - which I did! I was so upset at myself and checked her over completely, but did not find any injury. She said she wasn't hurt and Jody got her up and back to bed and we then put up the rails on both sides of the bed. I told her - rails from now on, no matter what!

I was upset and crying and Jody said we will get a video monitor and put in her room in order to keep a better eye on her. I'm so thankful to have Jody - he's such a caring and loving man! I know God brought him into my life and I am truly blessed!

September 1 - Bringing Mother Home

I brought Mom home from the nursing home on Wednesday. She called me at work that day and, as has become her "normal" condition, was upset and crying. I got so emotional at work, I had to leave. I immediately called Hospice and asked about their involvement if I were to bring Mom back home. They were very willing to remain as her Hospice caregivers and the help they could provide with her at home is exactly what I felt like we needed in order to safely care for her there. I called and talked to Jody, who immediately said we could do it, he only had concerns for my health and whether or not I would be able to care for her. I told him about my conversation with Hospice and he seemed okay knowing the help they will provide. I called Elizabeth to ask her opinion. She was, as always, very honest and said she was afraid it wasn't a good idea because of my health problems and she was also worried that Mom would still be tearful and upset much of the time. I called Jeannie, who was totally supportive. I called Kathy, who was not. I think her concerns were valid, I just really felt that for Mom's sanity and well-being, it was the best think possible.
Chance and I went to the nursing home about 6:00 pm and loaded everything in the truck and finally were discharged with meds and hugs about 9:00. We got home and I gave Mom her meds and got her tucked into bed about 10:15. She slept until 9:20 Thursday morning. She had a pretty good morning - had breakfast and was up for about two hours. She talked to me about her burial plan and if I had the dress she wanted to wear, which I do. She apologized for "giving up" and we talked for a little while about that. I assured her that none of us feel she has given up, but we know that she's tired and misses Daddy and all of her family that has passed on. She then went back to bed and slept until 3:00pm. I helped her up and fed her some fruit and yogurt and she was a bit teary and talked about how she never was able to say goodbye to her Mother and Daddy when they died. We talked about it and I told her that she did see them and knew when both passed, but had just forgotten.
About 4:30, she became very anxious and began crying and couldn't sit still - just kept getting up and down and could not settle down. Her new Hospice nurse came about 5:00, saw her in the state she was in and called the doctor. Her doctor has just taken her as a patient within the last three weeks and has made some changes to her meds trying to get her to a level where she does not get into this anxious state, but has not achieved that yet. Her Xanax was due at 5:30 and once she had that she was able to calm down in about 30 minutes. Her nurse stayed until then and I told her that I was comfortable and was okay with her leaving then.
Mom ate supper and I got her ready for bed, gave her nighttime meds and tucked her in about 8:15. At 8:30 she was up again, crying and unable to settle down. I called Hospice and Jenny called back in just a few minutes. I told her what was going on and asked whether or not we could get her into the hospital because I just did not see how she could do this all weekend. Jenny said what we could do was put her into a skilled facility for the weekend, but I don't want to do it and told her I didn't feel that was an option. Because Mom had been given all the meds she was able to take, Jenny told me that I could give her Benadryl and hopefully that would make her sleepy enough to rest. Jody picked some up and I was able to give it to her and get her back to bed at 10:15. She then slept through the night until I woke her at 5:15 and gave her some pain medication and more Benadryl. I am going to give her the Benadryl routinely throughout the weekend and hopefully she can make it until next week when we can get her in to see the new doctor and hopefully make some changes for the better.
Even with these problems, I'm glad she's home! I know this is where she belongs and is the best place to monitor her and hopefully get the problems worked out so that she can be comfortable throughout the remainder of her life, however long that may be.
I know that God will give me what I need to be able to care for her and give her the comfort that only he can provide. This starts a journey that I intend to see through to the end and one I know will be worth everything!