Seasons

Today's Wednesday, October 15, 2008. Today I have been unemployed for three months and one day! This is one of the most difficult seasons of my life and I'm not sure when it will change - for the better.

I have my daughter, Elizabeth and her husband Michael - or I'm not sure where I would be at this point. My husband and I separated early this year with me leaving our home. August 31, I moved out of the apartment where I had been living because there was no money for rent. Two weeks later, I sold most of my material blessings - for money to pay bills. I've emptied my savings.

I am, at times, finding it difficult to feel God around me. I know that He hasn't moved - but obviously I have! I try to keep Him in my thoughts - close by and accessible. I pray - but sometimes it feels empty! I know - in my heart - that God is in control and that "Jesus Christ is the same today, yesterday and forever" Hebrew 13:8. I know that I can draw comfort from God - "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort," 2 Corinthians 1:3.

So why can't my head accept and trust that He is in control . . . that Jesus Christ is always the same, never changing. . . and that I can be comforted by God? Why in the midst of this season can't I just lay it all down before God and accept that He will take care of me? Why can't I stop worrying about the "what ifs"?

I know that to get through all of this, I must lay it down . . . at the feet of Jesus . . . completely turn it over to God! I know that I can't pick it up once I lay it down. I can not waiver - that is not trust!

Maybe that's the scary part for me. I've always felt like I had to be the "strong one". The one to pick up the pieces after the mess is over. The one who had to take care of everyone . . . even though I neglected myself. The one who had to "make it all better"!

I know that I'm not that "one"! God is my healer, my protector, my guide and "[Thy word is] a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105

I will continue to pray . . . especially for needs during this season. I will continue to study and to listen for God's voice - comforting and guiding me through these storms in my life. I will trust that He is the same and will never leave me!

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

In His Love and Blessings
annb