Finding my purpose

I’m adjusting, slowly, to Mother being gone. She’s been my focus for such a long time and it’s not as easy as I thought the transition would be for me. It’s not grief that has knocked the wind from me but the emptiness. I grieved for the loss of her over the past nine months, when Dementia had taken over her life. I just feel lost because each part of my day, while I was caring for her, was planned around her – getting her out of bed, getting her breakfast, changing her bed, helping her to the bathroom, putting her down for naps, making sure she got her meds on time. . . .

I need to get a job! Since my children are all grown – Chance, my baby, is 17 - and each of the girls has their own home and family – I’m not sure anymore what my purpose is on a day-to-day basis.

I have finished most of the tasks that were necessary after Mother’s passing. Most of the thank you cards have been mailed – still a few to be addressed. The financial institutions that needed to be notified have been notified. I still need to call the monument company to have the date of her death added to the head stone. I’m not sure why I’ve put it off this long. I also have to pick up the death certificates and laminated obits that we ordered from the funeral home. I’m going to try and get both of these things done today! That will be everything that has to be done!

We have a new member of the household – at least Chance does. I’m not ready to claim it yet. One of Chance’s friends had this pet for about two years, but she is having some medical problems and has not been able to care for it. She wanted to be sure it would go to a good home. When Chance asked us about it, I objected – strongly, but Jody, after thinking about it for a couple of days, decided Chance could have the pet. He and Chance picked it up Sunday along with a cage, a litter box, a huge bag of cedar chips, a cat house/bed and several toys. I’m trying to get used to it, but I cringe every time I see it start walking. Chance wants me to pet it, but I’m not even there yet! The pet’s name is Flower and he is a de-scented Skunk! Chance loves it. He had become acquainted with Flower at school earlier in the year. He carries it around and treats it like any other house pet.

I had a Dr’s appointment yesterday for blood work and of course, since I neglected myself for the past few months, the Dr’s office is scheduling all the appointments that I should have had over the past year – mammogram, cardiologist and bone density scan. My blood pressure was up a little bit, but we’re going to watch it before she puts me back on blood pressure medication. I have been off of my medication for seven months after being on it for nine years. I really don’t want to have to start taking it again!

Chance is sick. I’m taking him to the Dr this morning. I think he has an upper respiratory infection – mom’s diagnosis, but we’ll get the official diagnosis this morning.
I’m afraid I’ve neglected Jody over these past three weeks – during my “lost” phase. I need to correct it was quickly as I can because he’s important to me. I want him to know and to feel that again. I have a bible-based study I am beginning titled “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace. I am anxious to get started.

I am also still doing Chance’s home-taught Driver’s Education Class. We have almost completed the manual and it’s now just the actual driving experience he needs to complete. He has to get in 50+ hours before testing. We’ve done some, but have a lot left to complete. He’s not really interested in driving which is okay with me. The longer I can keep him off the roads the more peace I have from worry. He’s a great kid, very level headed and usually thinks things through before acting. It’s that mind-set that helps me – knowing that he makes good decisions.

I’ve been reading Annie's blog on Mondays when she does the “Menu Plan Monday”. It’s a meme for planning your week’s menus and I’m finding some pretty good recipes through the meme. I’m not a planner usually, but by using some of these recipes I may actually try it! We’ll see! I first have to get in the habit of thawing out the meat for dinner more than 15 minutes before cook time!Here’s hoping you have a great week! I’m going to do my best to make mine great!