Living - Where I Am Now!

1947


1992

Today is the 62nd anniversary of my Mom and Dad’s marriage. Of course, they have both passed away, but I’ve thought about them a lot today. I miss them both so much and especially my mom right now as I go through the changes taking place in my life. I remember how much my mom missed her own mother after she passed away. I never really understood the depth of her feelings until that evening that my mom went home to be with the Lord.

I’ve been in a little bit of a “funk” today – I guess missing them, knowing it is their anniversary and also because of my own marital situation. Even though (and I’ve said it before) I know it is the best possible solution for both Jody, me and other loved ones – it still leaves an emptiness inside of me.

5) And you have forgotten that word of encouragement
that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6) because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
7) Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.
For what son is not disciplined by his father?
Hebrews 12:5-7

9) Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined
us and we respected them for it.
How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!
10) Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best;
but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.
11) No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.
Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace
for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:9-11

If someone had told me 20 years ago that this is where our marriage would end up, I would not have believed it! If someone had told me that certain things would transpire between us, I would have laughed and told them they had no idea what they were talking about! If anyone had said I would lose loved ones as I have, I would say no way - If you just love them with everything you have in you, you’ll never lose those you love!

When Jody and I married, I had such high expectations for us. We were both Christians; we both loved our children that we brought with us into the marriage, we loved each other’s children – because they were a part of each of us. I always thought that we would be a happy family – enjoying being together as much as possible.

My command is this:
Love each other as I have loved you.
John 15:12

My mom always told me that your children will do what you expect from them. Your expectations should be based on Godly principles, love and safety! As my children grew, I also learned that once they reached a certain age, it was more about asking questions before making a decision – is what they want something that goes against God’s teachings? Is what they want something that is illegal? Is what they want something that will harm them? If you can answer “no” to these three questions, then even though you may not especially like it, it’s probably okay!

One of the things I learned during my counseling last year is that sometimes “expectations” cause hurt, anger and depression – at least for me! When I expect a certain behavior from someone and they don’t meet that expectation, it’s very personal and causes me to feel bad. I am trying to learn to live without “expectations”! It’s not easy!

I am learning to live where I am now! My life is what it is and every choice I make on a daily basis helps to shape my “as is” life. It’s not what I expected – but I choose to make it positive!

9) Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil;
cling to what is good.
10) Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.
Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:9-10

In His Love and Blessings
annb