Modesty-What happened?

Matthew 6

25-26"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

27-29"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.

30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out.

One of the tools Jody and I are using, as we give our marriage to God, were given to us by our Family pastor - are books written by Shaunti Feldhahn “for women only” and the book “for men only” written by Shaunti Feldhahn and Jeff Feldhahn. I have read “for women only” and found it to be a really great book and full of valuable information for wives.

Here’s an excerpt from the back cover of the book:
“In a woman-to-woman conversation you’ll never forget, Shaunti Feldhahn takes you beneath the surface into the inner lives of men. This book is about the things we just don’t “get” about guys. With findings from a groundbreaking national survey and personal interviews of over one thousand men, “For Women Only” is full of eye-opening revelations you need to not only understand the man in your life, but to support and love him in the way he needs to be loved. Grounded in biblical hope, you will discover how to love your man for who he really is – not who you think he is.”

The book covers a lot of areas, but the chapter I really want to write about today is titled Keeper of the Visual Rolodex. This chapter talks about the fact that men are visual creatures and are instinctively pulled to look at attractive women and these visions can be as alluring to a man at the time of the actual vision or even when brought up in their mind later.

One of the things Ms Feldhahn says is:
. . . First, a woman who is dressed to show off a great body is an “eye magnet” that is incredibly difficult to avoid, and even if a man forces himself not to look, he is acutely aware of her presence.
. . . Second, even when no such eye magnet is present, each man as a “mental Rolodex” of stored images that can intrude into his thoughts without warning or can be called up at will.

Of the 1,000 men surveyed, 98% responded that when an “eye-catching” woman is seen they “can’t not be attracted”. The results were essentially the same for all men – even those who described themselves as happily married.

I’ve heard all my life (and for the most part believed), that men think about s*x a great majority of the time. Ms. Feldhahn discovered during her interviews that they not only think about it, but visualize it, as well and sometimes those pictures were not of their wives. “They are often images that have been involuntarily burned in their brains just by living in today’s cultures—images that can arise without warning.” The men also explained that sometimes the images pop up in their brain without warning, even if they are unwanted.

We live, today, in a s*x-filled culture where just living in this world, we are inundated with s*xual images. Modesty has become a bad word, it seems with so many!

I believe it is our responsibility, as women, to dress and adorn ourselves in a way that does not cause a man to stumble. Of course, there will be those men who still visualize scenarios of attractive women and that has nothing to do with, but many times the images come as a result of scantily dressed women – revealing a lot of skin or wearing form-fitting clothing.

This chapter was not written to “bash” men, but to explain the nature of men. Many men, being visual, may be easily tempted – which is normal. Temptations are not sins as we see in the 4th chapter of Matthew, when Jesus was tempted by Satan. Jesus is without sin and yet he was tempted.

Every man (and woman) can make a choice which is the difference between temptation and sin. When a man sees an attractive woman or recalls an earlier memory of a vision, he can either continue to think about it and might even begin to bring other thoughts into the forefront of his memory – or he can immediately put down those thoughts and, as the Bible puts it, “take every thought captive,”.

Ms. Feldhahn also says, “Unfortunately, I can guarantee that many adult women are fodder for the mental Rolodex of some devoted married man just because of how they dress. It’s natural to enjoy being noticed, but he doesn’t want you in there. You’re cluttering up a good husband’s mind and tempting him to dishonor his wife. It is our responsibility, as women, to ensure that, as much as it depends on us, this doesn’t happen. In past days, men had to actually seek out visual temptations, but today – they are everywhere and impossible to avoid!"

I know that I will be much more aware of how I am dressed and “adorned” before I leave my house, especially now that I am aware of the things stressed in this book. How do you feel about this subject? Do you make it a point to dress yourself modestly and to cover yourself appropriately? I would like to hear your thoughts and comments and I also highly recommend this book for any woman who wants to better understand her husband!

In His Love and Blessings
annb