The weather forecasters were predicting snow for Saturday and we got snow! Not the amount they predicted, thankfully! I was certainly not looking forward to snow after the ice storm we were still recovering from last week.
Saturday was also Christmas! I know - not December 25, but Christmas nonetheless! My family - brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews - met for our Christmas get-together. We stopped exchanging gifts a long time ago because our family had just gotten so big that it seemed like we were spending a lot of money and time on gifts when all we really cared about was being together!
This time was as much a blessing as every other time. It was so great to see everyone, even though we were missing a few who had to work or had other places they had to be on Saturday. Those of us who were there had a great time! It seems so much harder to plan times when we can all meet anymore. We all - except of course, J (the baby brother) - have grown children who, like the rest of us, have other commitments in their lives. We talked about trying to plan to meet every other month at a designated place and those who could be there would be there! I hope it works out!
When we were all together Saturday, I felt my parent's absence so strongly! I miss them so much and especially Mother because it's been such a short time since she passed. Daddy passed away 13 years ago this month, yet it seems in some ways - as if it were yesterday!
Two years ago when we all met for Christmas all of my brothers, sisters and I - at the end of the day - took Mom aside and told her that it was time for her to move from my home into a long term care facility. That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life! I was working at the time and taking Mom, every day, to an adult day care while I worked. I thought there was no other option but for her to go into a nursing home. Little did I know how things would change so quickly.
I used to send out regular updates to my siblings, via email, letting them know how Mother was doing and any news to report on her. I went back this weekend and found the one I sent out asking my siblings to help me tell her, when we met for Christmas, about the move. It was so hard reading it - as if the pain was fresh!
From: Ann Bailey
To: C; G ; J ; J
Sent: Tuesday, January 10, 2006 11:33 AM
Subject: Mom
Well, we made the move on Sunday - Mom is now at the nursing home - address is:
Manor Care Southwest
5600 S Walker Rm 254A
Oklahoma City, OK 73109
She has adjusted very well. Sunday was really hard. Kathy, Jeannie. and Me, along with the rest of our families sat together with Mom on Sunday - took up two whole pews. That afternoon, Kathy, Randy, Chance, Elizabeth, Addy, Jody and me all went together to take Mom over there. She didn't cry then - cried every day since we told her, but didn't when we took her over there. We all stayed until she went to supper about 5:15 - she actually went to the dining room to eat - and then Kathy and Randy went home and the rest of us went to eat and then returned. I helped her get ready for bed, got her all tucked in and then we left to go home about 8:00. I called yesterday first thing and talked to her nurse who said Mom slept all night and when I called she was sitting up by the nurse station where she had been since right after breakfast.
Elizabeth and Chance sat with her during Monday afternoon - Mom slept half the afternoon, so they just got her side of the room arranged so that Mom would be able to see the TV if she wanted to while she was in bed, and they made room for her to be able to put her wheelchair in the room.
I went up right after work and sat for about 45 minutes with her. She then went to supper and the kids and I went to Wal-Mart to get her a few things - diet soda, sugar free candy, stick-free gum, tweezers (for her wild eyebrows) and a permanent marker to leave in her room so we can be sure everything she has is marked when it's left there.
We went back to see her after we ate dinner and left about 8:00. Mom told us that Jim and Sheila came by with Ethan to visit with her a little bit while we were gone. Mom wasn't ready to go to bed yet when we left, but she said when she got ready she would be fine.
Mom also told me and said she told Jim and Sheila that she is fine now. She is adjusting to being in the nursing home and she didn't cry at all yesterday (Monday). She has been talking to some of the other residents a little bit and getting to know her roommate a little bit.
I think she's been amazing through all of this. Since we told her on 12/18, she has been really sad and Sunday was the worst day yet. After church we came home and she and I both cried together. She said she just felt so alone, even though she said she knows she's not, and that she needed Daddy so much right then just to be able to talk to him about everything that was happening. While we were packing some things to take with her, she really didn't care about anything, whether she took things or not. She took the picture of her and Daddy together and said that was the only picture she wanted to take now. She will take the rest of her pictures when she's moved to her room on the long term care wing. Right now she is temporarily on the skilled nursing wing, which is for people who are just there temporarily while they receive treatment after an injury or hospitalization.
I am having a phone installed for her - they will install service to her room tomorrow and then when she moves, I will just have them move the service to her new room. Her phone number is (405) 636-0544 and will stay the same as long as she is at this home. I just set up Basic service - blocked any long distance and 900 numbers, so that her phone could not be used by someone else trying to call out of the local service.
Elizabeth is going to sit with her every day this week while Mom settles in and I will probably go each evening, at least this week.
I'm not so worried about her now, but she is getting more and more frail every day. I have seen her age so much in the last six months and I know that her passing gets closer each day. She is still on JuicePlus and her health is pretty good right now - she still doesn't need insulin for her diabetes and her blood pressure is good. She is having a lot more trouble walking - her legs tire much quicker and she is really tired.
She will see the house doctor tomorrow morning and Elizabeth plans to be there tomorrow, hopefully while the doctor is there to see Mom. Mom wants to be sure the doctor doesn't start up the medications that Dr Mathias discontinued, will continue the JuicePlus and also wants to be sure the doctor knows how bad her incontinency is so that the staff will let her use the amount of supplies she needs to help control that situation. Hopefully with Elizabeth there, between the two of them, they will be able to communicate to the doctor everything that needs to be.
She is doing so well - I'm really proud of her. She told me last night that she had really been worrying about having to get out in the weather every day to go to the Daycare, especially if there was ice or snow on the ground. She does worry more about falling than she used to - I guess because she has had so many falls in the last six months.
Well, just thought I'd give you an update and give you the address and her new phone number.
I love you all and will talk later.
Ann
I'm so thankful that God showed me a few months later that there was another option - I quit my job and brought Mom back home. I'm thankful for my husband, Jody, who willingly welcomed her back home and took on the full financial responsibility for our household. I was so blessed to be able to care for Mother those last few months and have her at home when she passed - surrounded by children who loved her and cherished every moment.
This weekend really has been a good one even though it brought back the memories of having to send my Mother to a nursing home! It also helped me remember how much I loved her and how she blessed my life!
I went through some of her things and returned them to family members who had given her some of her most precious material gifts. They meant so much to her and I wanted them returned to those who had lovingly given them to her.
I also went through some of her clothes and will take them to work for Miss Emma, our housekeeper. She is such a sweet lady, in her 60's, living alone and on a limited income. I know that she will appreciate them and care for them. I cried as I put them in a sack - I didn't know it would be so hard to give away her things! I have not been able to go through them since Mother passed - until now! I think I'm really ready now for some healing!
In His Love and Blessings
annb
Wish I could be there to give you a big hug, Ann. Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you and yours a blessed Christmas and a peaceful New Year.
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