To Love And To Be Loved!

Each time anyone comes into contact with us,

they must become different and better people

because of having met us. We must radiate God’s love.

We must know that we have been created for greater things,

not just to be a number in the world,

not just to go for diplomas and degrees,

this work and that work.

We have been created

in order to love and to be loved.

Love does not measure. . . it just gives.

Mother Teresa

It’s Monday morning – start of a new week. The weekend was good – lots of family around. Saturday, Jeannie came out and sat with Mom so that Jody and I could go to town and run my weekly errands. I have to plan my time differently since Mom came back home. Before, if I needed something I could just run to the store and pick it up myself – no planning involved. I now have to plan my time, make sure I have someone to sit with Mom, make a carefully planned list and pick up everything I will need for at least the upcoming week. There are items I have to get for Mom that Jody doesn’t particularly want to pick up on his own, so I have to get those when I’m able to go to the store myself.
It was nice to get out of the house for a while on Saturday and just have some time with Jody – not having to think about “Mom” issues. We thought while we were out we would go to a movie – but couldn’t find one we really wanted to see! I like garage sales, flea markets and “treasure” hunting. We went to the Old Paris flea market and walked around for a little while. We didn’t buy anything except popcorn, but it was fun to look. We then went to Crossroads Mall and walked around – bought an Auntie Ann’s Take Home pretzel making kit. I made the pretzels last night and they turned out pretty good. I think if I try it again, I’ll use less salt. They were a bit too salty for most of us. I think Jody could eat salt straight out of the shaker and not think it was too much, but the rest of us use it more sparingly!
Mother, for the past week, has started worrying about Daddy. She gets upset at bedtime because he’s still not home and she doesn’t know where he is at that time. It’s really hard to explain anything to her because she doesn’t understand the concept of death anymore. Even if I try to explain that family members have died, she says she knows they died, but they came back – saying she’s just seen them again recently. She believes they come around her and she thinks she has talked to them either on the phone or in person. Friday night, she went to bed crying about Daddy and Saturday morning she woke up crying – because she couldn’t get bed rail down to get out of bed. When she goes to bed at night, I put the bed rails up on each side of the bed to prevent her getting out of bed alone because of the fall risk.
I talked to Christy (Hospice nurse) last week about how the dementia will progress and what I can expect to happen. She said the natural progression “normally” is that the person will forget how to do things – beginning with many of the things Mother is already experiencing like not recognizing us, being unable to recall words she's trying to talk about, how to dress and eventually, things like swallowing and breathing. Of course, that will be at the end of her life!

When she examined Mom, she said Mom still obeys commands well. Christy always talks to Mom when she comes out and when she asked Mom if she was still walking a lot, Mother told her that she had walked to the neighbors house Friday morning – about a mile away! Of course, that wasn’t true – Mother hardly walks at all anymore. She walks from the living room to the bathroom or bedroom and back – no more. She cannot walk without her walker and I stay right beside her because she is wobbly and unstable when she walks. She can’t remember where the bathroom is, or where the bedroom is and can't find those rooms by herself.
While Jeannie sat with Mom on Saturday, she said Mom didn’t recognize her – said she was not her daughter and wanted to know who told Jeannie that she was her daughter! This was the first time Jeannie had experienced that first hand. I live with it every day – never knowing who I am to Mom on any given day!
Michael and Elizabeth came over yesterday afternoon, so that I could color Elizabeth’s hair. Michael is so funny and I love for them to come over because we laugh so much! We all got tickled at Mom for something she said and Elizabeth had to leave the room for fear of upsetting Mom by laughing at her. Michael and I got really tickled then and couldn't hold back, so I told Mom that Michael was laughing at some joke he told and I was laughing because he laughs at his own jokes, whether they’re funny or not! When I told her that, she laughed at him, too!
Randy and Kathy came by for a little bit last night. It was nice to visit with them. Jeannie and I are working together to plan a Thanksgiving get together for our family (siblings and their families). It’s hard to get everybody together much anymore, because we all have grown children with other families we have share them with during the holidays.
This is my birthday month - number 49! Each year brings something new – and I know this year will be no different. It’s amazing to me how I keep getting older, but still feel the same inside (except for a few more aches and pains). My grandbabies getting older each year makes aging very real! My children grew up fast, but Blake, Addy, Levi and Joey are growing up even more quickly!
I’ll be getting my birthday gift early – next Sunday November 12. We have tickets to the Blue Man Group concert and I am really looking forward to it. Jody and I will be going and taking Chance and Dustin (Chance’s best friend) with us. We plan to go early and eat somewhere in Bricktown and then go to the concert. Jody has never been to a concert, so this will be something new for him! When he told me he has never been to a concert, I could hardly believe it! When the kids were younger, we went several times to the Sesame Street show when it came to Oklahoma City, but I guess we can’t really count that as a concert! I’m not sure he really enjoyed those, anyway! I think he’ll enjoy the concert next weekend and I know I will!
Jeannie is coming out to sit with Mom again while we go to the concert. I don’t know what I would do without Jeannie! She is my relief, once a week. Candace and Elizabeth have been good about sitting with Mom when I need them, also. I try not to ask them because some times it can be difficult – especially if Mom has an anxiety attack while I’m gone.
Well, Jody’s gone to work, Chance left for school, Mom’s still asleep, but it’s time for me to begin my day. I like to have some quiet time before Mother wakes up in the morning – just to be alone with my thoughts and my prayers!

I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. Psalm 143:5