If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. I Peter 4:11
I’m up now for the third time since I went to bed last night. Mother has not slept well and that means that I don’t sleep through the night either. I feel like I did when my children were babies – before they slept through the night. The main difference is that now I am 48 years old! What a difference 20 years makes! I certainly never thought that I would be up and down – in and out of sleep – at this stage in my life. I get tired, but what a blessing! Thank you, God, that I am able to have Mother at home and that I am able to care for her!
I talked to Christy, Mom’s nurse, about maybe getting some medication to help her sleep at night. She will be here again today for her weekly visit and I am going to talk to her about it again. I don’t really know what keeps her from sleeping at night – except maybe her back pain. She is having more back pain all the time. I give her pain medication routinely because if I skip a dose, she really experiences a lot of pain.
Yesterday was quite a day! She was confused the entire day – from the time she woke up until she went to bed. She only had one crying spell, though, which was good. I sat with her and tried to explain to her that the confusion she has is just a progression of her disease due to aging. I told her that I really don’t understand it, but feel like she has gone back in time! She agreed that she feels that way also. She talks as though she left her house just a few minutes ago with her childhood family intact! It’s as if the past 40 or 50 years never happened! I really have to help her recall the events that have transpired since that time long ago!
It’s such a strange feeling – not knowing where she is, what she’s seeing that makes her believe she’s back in time! At one point yesterday, she asked me where my Daddy was working. I asked if she was talking about Jody – no; was she talking about Fred – no; she said Syd! Okay, the only Syd I know is married to Harolyn and I’m not even sure Mom has ever met him! I don’t know who she thought I was, but I just told her I wasn’t sure where he was working today!
Mom kept asking all day yesterday how she was going to get home. Last night she wanted to call her Mom and that’s when I had to actually go into detail with her again, telling her that her Mom was no longer alive. It’s tough! I feel so sorry for her having to re-live the death of her family over and over again. Family has always meant everything to her! When she was a child all she wanted to be when she grew up was a wife and a mother. That was her dream! She didn’t need a career – only a family!
This past Saturday, I had all the grandkids at our house for the day. At one point, they came running in all excited because there was a peacock in the yard! Of course, when they came in to tell me about the “animal”, I wasn’t sure what was in the yard. Levi and Joey kept calling it “the King Kong” and Addyson called it “the Ping Pong”. Blake knew what it was, because they had one in their neighborhood. I guess it wandered over from one of the neighbors. I had never seen it here before, so that was kind of fun! The boys decided they wanted to catch it – you should have seen the three of them chasing behind it! I wish that I had a picture of that, but I did at least get a few pictures of the peacock before it left the yard.
I’m up now for the third time since I went to bed last night. Mother has not slept well and that means that I don’t sleep through the night either. I feel like I did when my children were babies – before they slept through the night. The main difference is that now I am 48 years old! What a difference 20 years makes! I certainly never thought that I would be up and down – in and out of sleep – at this stage in my life. I get tired, but what a blessing! Thank you, God, that I am able to have Mother at home and that I am able to care for her!
I talked to Christy, Mom’s nurse, about maybe getting some medication to help her sleep at night. She will be here again today for her weekly visit and I am going to talk to her about it again. I don’t really know what keeps her from sleeping at night – except maybe her back pain. She is having more back pain all the time. I give her pain medication routinely because if I skip a dose, she really experiences a lot of pain.
Yesterday was quite a day! She was confused the entire day – from the time she woke up until she went to bed. She only had one crying spell, though, which was good. I sat with her and tried to explain to her that the confusion she has is just a progression of her disease due to aging. I told her that I really don’t understand it, but feel like she has gone back in time! She agreed that she feels that way also. She talks as though she left her house just a few minutes ago with her childhood family intact! It’s as if the past 40 or 50 years never happened! I really have to help her recall the events that have transpired since that time long ago!
It’s such a strange feeling – not knowing where she is, what she’s seeing that makes her believe she’s back in time! At one point yesterday, she asked me where my Daddy was working. I asked if she was talking about Jody – no; was she talking about Fred – no; she said Syd! Okay, the only Syd I know is married to Harolyn and I’m not even sure Mom has ever met him! I don’t know who she thought I was, but I just told her I wasn’t sure where he was working today!
Mom kept asking all day yesterday how she was going to get home. Last night she wanted to call her Mom and that’s when I had to actually go into detail with her again, telling her that her Mom was no longer alive. It’s tough! I feel so sorry for her having to re-live the death of her family over and over again. Family has always meant everything to her! When she was a child all she wanted to be when she grew up was a wife and a mother. That was her dream! She didn’t need a career – only a family!
This past Saturday, I had all the grandkids at our house for the day. At one point, they came running in all excited because there was a peacock in the yard! Of course, when they came in to tell me about the “animal”, I wasn’t sure what was in the yard. Levi and Joey kept calling it “the King Kong” and Addyson called it “the Ping Pong”. Blake knew what it was, because they had one in their neighborhood. I guess it wandered over from one of the neighbors. I had never seen it here before, so that was kind of fun! The boys decided they wanted to catch it – you should have seen the three of them chasing behind it! I wish that I had a picture of that, but I did at least get a few pictures of the peacock before it left the yard.
Tonight, Michael, Elizabeth and Addy are coming to stay the night. It will be fun to having them here again. They put their house on the market yesterday! My prayer is that the house sell fast at the price they are asking (or over) and they will be able to find a house out here and get moved in quickly! It will be great to have all the kids back in our close little circle!
My thoughts are a little fuzzy sometimes, so early in the morning! Time for a cup of coffee and then get my day going! Each day is a gift from God and I pray that what I do with this day will be pleasing to Him!
My thoughts are a little fuzzy sometimes, so early in the morning! Time for a cup of coffee and then get my day going! Each day is a gift from God and I pray that what I do with this day will be pleasing to Him!
This is the day which the Lord hath made;
we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Oh, how heartbreaking it must be to watch her go through this - but, at the same time, what a blessing it is that you are able to care for her. I know that if my parents were still alive, I would want to do the same for them. She sounds like she is a wonderful woman and mother, Ann, and that you have wonderful memories of growing up under her loving eyes.
ReplyDeleteAnn,
ReplyDeleteThose sleepless nights are rough! It is also hard when they come repeatedly. I think it would do you and your mom good to have some medication to help her sleep at night. Isabelle did have times like that, awake on and off all night for a while. Now that her schedule is so full she sleeps all night, and for that I am thankful. Matt's mom takes Ambien and says that she sleeps soundly for 8 hours after taking it. This is also the drug that brain injured patients are having success with "waking" them up. I don't remember if I sent you that article?
Do what you need to do to make your life as easy as possible. You are giving your mother such a special gift right now, a complete sacrifice of your time and your love. It mirrors the love you must have felt from her your whole life.
I read in your earlier post that you cannot leave your mother alone for even a moment. I know that feeling, it can be overwhelming... such dependency. Just try to take some time for yourself whenever possible... even a walk through walmart or listening to a cd on faith gives me a lift.
I always remember Philippians 4:13 when I am feeling tired and know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
We painted a wall in the front room which is now the therapy room for Izzy with all our favorite faith scriptures, it is nice to work with her and read those scriptures at the same time.
Continuing to pray for you and yours...
Annie